The year 2005 proved to be one of the busiest and most enjoyable years I've probably ever had. I'm sure the same rings true with Brian. We put together a year in review and thought we would share it with the rest of you.
Here's to 2005 and hoping that 2006 is just as good if not better.
I'm sitting here at work while we all tell horror stories about being pulled over by the police especially during New Years Eve. Like many people, I had more then my share of stories. Again like many people, I've been one lucky son of a bitch growing up. Sometimes I look back on my life and wonder how in the hell I made it this far.
My father was a cop. He would tell me things to do or how to act whenever pulled over by an officer. Act confident, polite, yet don't take any shit off of them either. I think I took the last part a little bit closer to heart. Back in Kansas City, the police were nortorious for setting up checkpoints throughout the city. Luckily, the bars would somehow find out ahead of time and warn all their patrons before heading home, to avoid specific intersections. After partying with a bunch of friends and picking up a trick, I invited them all back to my place for some more cocktails. I wasn't sloppy drunk, but I definately wasn't feeling any sort of pain. If I were to be picked up and made to take a breath test or the touch my nose test, I might be in trouble.
Like a trooper though, I had my trick follow behind me, followed by my friends in their own cars. I lead them directly into the checkpoint. No going around it. No left turns, no right turns. Right smack fucking dab in the middle of it. I remember thinking, "Well how in the fuck did this happen?"
It was my turn to get out of my car. The police woman came up and said "Give me your license and registration."
Remembering my father saying to act confident, polite but not take any shit off of them, I responded with, "Please?"
"Would you give me your license and registration, PLEEEAAASSSE." she said.
She started to walk off with my entire wallet, keys and registration. I yelled, "Make sure I get that wallet back! There's 50 bucks in there! I expect that to be in there when I get that back!!" I think my confidence was a bit much.
The male cop came over and asked if I would walk on this white line that he had drawn on the ground. "In cowboy boots? Are you kidding me??!! I'm taking my boots OFF before I do that." He didn't know what to do. Had a look of bewilderment on his face and just said, "Well, uh ok sure...."
I passed the test with flying colors and put my cowboy boots back on. I stood there very confidently and asked what the next test would be. He asked me to do the typical hands outstretched and touch your nose. I did it really fast. He made me slow down. So I did it as slow as possible and passed with flying colors. I don't think the cop knew what to do with me. He then asked me to count backwards from ten. I did it loud and fast and immediately said, "Come on what's the next test, I have friends coming over to my house and I don't want to keep them waiting. By the way, where's my car and wallet? I want to make sure nothings happened to them and that everythings ok. If my money is missing or there's a scratch on my car!"
"Sir, sir calm down, we're almost done." I was making the cop really nervous. The last thing he asked me was to recite the alphabet backwards. I stepped a little bit closer, gave him one of my famous looks and said, "Not until you do it first."
"I...well, uh...I...well...."
"Thought so. I'm not going to perform a test that the teacher can't do himself. Are we finished here? I would like my keys, registration, wallet and car back please." He didn't know what to do. He looked around, confused as hell. Called another police officer over and was discussing something privately. He walks back over to me and says, "Go over there to get everything and get your ass home safely."
"Thank you officer, your most kind. The man behind me is my date for evening and behind him are my friends. I would appreicate it if you would just have them follow me."
He looked around, told me to go and waved my trick and friends on through.
I get back in the car and realized that I was fucking drunk as hell. Best thing was I lived only two blocks away. Two blocks. I could have turned one block before and avoided the entire thing. Let this be a lesson. Not everyone gets off easy or scott free when being pulled over by the police. It only takes a few drinks to put you over the legal limit. Cops aren't going to nice and let you go on New Years Eve. If you drink, take a taxi or take a friend with you who doesn't drink so they can drive your ass home.
Whatever you do, don't drive home drunk. Most of us have done it and manyof us have had a close call with the law. I've had too many friends lives ruined. People hurt. Licenses taken away. Some even spending some jail time. It's not worth taking the chance.
Damn. I sound like a Mother.
Tomorrow, look for a ZeitCast titled 'Year In Review'.
Have a Happy New Year everyone!
I'm not sure quite what's happened to me. Hell, to both of us. We both used to be such barflys. When I first came out back in 19whatever, everything was so new to me so I practically lived at the bars. Unless I wanted to spend my nights in a dark, scary cruise park, going to the bars was where I got laid and made friends. Sometimes both in the same person. I can't tell you back then, the number of people I slept with once and we became friends afterwards instead. If we were all hanging out together somewhere back then, someone eventually would yell, "Who in the room has slept with Mark, raise their hand!" Of course, 3/4 of the room did. I'm glad those days are gone. I was kind of slutty when I first came out. Weren't we all?
It didn't help that there wasn't much to do in Kansas City for gay men other then go out. The community wasn't very tight knit it seemed. No parties, dinners, clubs. If there were, I didn't know about them. I was too busy shakin' my goove thang at The Edge 4 to 5 nights a week.
Once I moved to dallas things seem to get worse. That first year was horrible. I couldn't make friends to save my life. I didn't know the city well at all. We lived about 3 blocks from the gayborhood, so rather then sit at home wollering in self pity and being bored, I headed down to the bars in hopes of meeting people or at least meet someone to possibly go out on a date. A word which by this time was becoming foreign to me. Of course, things went from bad to worse and due to the trouble meeting people, I settled for meeting Mr. One Night Stand. Oh, he was a lot of fun and made me happy, or more like my penis happy for the evening on many occasions, but that life got old real quick. I found myself being more lonely after my encounters then before. I sat at home waiting for a phone call to go to dinner or a movie. Who was I kidding? They got what they wanted and moved on. So should I.
I finally made a small group of friends (without sleeping with them, thank you) and life seemed great. Until somehow the group started getting married off or moved away or simply disappeared from the scene. Soon after a new group of friends were made. Same thing happened.
It wasn't until 6-7 years ago did I make a wonderful group of friends that loved having parties, going out to dinner, catching a movie and yes, sitting in a bar throwing back 2 or 15 beers and having a good time. Our social life became wrapped around the bars. Hell, ONE bar. One AREA of the bar. We found ways of kicking people out of the area or making their life miserable so they would leave so we could have our spot back.
Unfortunately, this life lead to lots of drinking and lots of partying. Late nights and days off from work the next day. There came a day when things had to slow down so I cut back. Still, that urge to be with my friends in a bar was there.
Brian was mostly the same way. He often had part time jobs in the hood, so after working until 10pm, he would just hop over across the street for a drink with friends and a possible trick if the planets were in line. Our lives were a lot alike.
It's not just hanging with friends in a bar having a drink. I love dance music. I love being around my people. I love being in the gayborhood.
Funny how being in a relationship will change you. Change you both. Our desires to be in a bar have dwindled to almost nothing. If we do go it's for happy hour on occasion for maybe an hour or two. Ever so often we might head to The Door for the Bear Beer Bust. Once in a great while we need to see Men With Boobies so we see a show at The Rose Room, dance a little bit and go home. I can't tell you the last time I was at a bar past midnight. Before, we were usually there when the lights came on.
Last night, the thoughts of drinking a beer, dealing with drunk people, smoke burning my eyes and loud music was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted to be home with the hubby doing nothing but relaxing.
For those wondering, this must be the last sign of the Apocalypse.
It's hard to believe that after all the planning, parties and shopping, Christmas has come and gone in the blink of an eye. Where in the hell did it go? Only a few more days and we'll be in the year 2006. I'm not sure about anyone out there, but back back when I was in highschool in the early 80's, anything in the 2000's seemed so damn far away. We would be living in a Star Trek world complete with hovercraft vehicles. If I live until I'm 80, I'll actually see the year 2046. If we're not on setting up residence on Mars, beaming around from place to place and all the worlds diseases have not been cured, I'm going to be sorely disappointed. I want all of humanity to have at least learned something and we all live in peace and harmony, singing Cum by ya. Things such as homosexuality or race not being an issue anymore. I want President Bush to go down in history as the worst president ever. Ok, well at least the last one is guaranteed.
At least give me a hovercraft car, bright fire engine red color, leather seats and racing strips.
I always do a few things about this time of year. Reflect on what I've done and accomplished this past year and what I want to accomplish in the coming year. Do people even make New Years resolutions anymore? It's not something you hear much about. I thinik we've gotten tired of making all these big promises to ourselves and to our partner, friends and family, then totally blow it two weeks into the new year. But hopefully, ever so often one of our resolutions sticks and we can say at the end of the year that we accomplished something we set out to do.
This has been a pretty busy year for me, or for US I should say. When you put two socially active people together, the amount of activities that creates can almost put a person six feet under if you're not careful. We went camping together with friends at Spring Round Up. Hung out with tons of bloggers in NYC for GB:NYCII. Celebrated our one year anniversary while in NYC. Went camping at Rainbow Ranch a few times and once was even in a tent (first time) and wasn't killed by bugs. Numerous trips to Six Flags and endless rides on rollercoasters. Spent time back in Kansas City Missouri and Lawrence Kansas, the places where my life drastically changed more then ten years ago. Took weekend trips to Houston for Gay Pride and Austin to visit friends. Spent time back in Nebraska a few times to see the family. I turned 40 this year. Bought a new sporty little car. I quit my job of 8 years and took a chance on something completely new and different. I dressed up like a 60's chick for Halloween. Spent Thanksgiving with my hubby's parents and ended the year with tons of Holiday parties.
Sad thing is I know I'm leaving out a lot of stuff.
I don't remember any of my resolutions for this year, but I do have a few things I want to accomplish for next.
1. Try to be a better partner to my hubby. Hell, none of us are perfect.
2. Stop sneaking a cigarette when I'm having a cocktail.
3. Go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week.
Wow this is tough. Ok, here's some easier ones.
4. Buy more Kenneth Cole clothing. Don't judge! I must stock up on next seasons new fashions.
5. Take trips to Portland, San Francisco and NYC. These are pretty much guaranteed this year.
6. Be LESS of a drama queen. At least I can admit that I am one at times. I can't stop being a drama queen completely though, that's too hard.
7. Gain at least ten more pounds then stop. I won't be able to wear half of my closet if I continue too much.
8. Draw and paint more consistantly. Maybe I'll try and get my work hung somewhere.
9. Keep in better contact with friends.
10. Continue blogging at least for one more year.
Whew! That was hard. Now if I can only achieve a handful from that list next year, I'll be a happy man.
What's on your list?
I arrived back home around 1am. First thing my Mother tries to do is get me to eat. Like I haven't gained enough weight lately. After a long 9 hour drive, I was beat, gave her a peck on the cheek goodnight and hit the sack. The next morning she cooked the only meal of the entire visit. The older she gets, the less she likes to cook. No more home cookin' for this boy.
That afternoon, we headed into town to do a little shopping. First time I've been able to walk into a mall and not spend a dime. I must have had a fever. Didn't help that I was coughing, hacking, sniffling and sneezing all weekend. The only highlight that afternoon was running into an old familiar face. Back in college from 1984-1987, I had my own personal nude models. The models we used in our life drawing class were usually crap, so I sought out my own. A beautiful girl from my step aerobics class and the brother of one of my best friends. The boy was stunning. Muscled, hairy chest, beard and eyelashes for days. Added bonus was that he had a huge pee pee. He made drawing for hours on end for my upcoming shows almost bearable. The girl was nice too. Great body, big titties. Hey, I'm an equal opportunity artist.
While walking down the mall, we both spot each other. Damn if that boy hasn't aged one fucking day in over 18 years. I was just kicking myself in the ass that Brian wasn't there to meet him or that I didn't have my camera with me. We chatted for a while, said our goodbye's and went out separate ways. He wants to get together and go out drinking next time I'm in town.
Later on that night we ate dinner then back to the farm to watch countless episodes of Murder She Wrote. I hate that show if I haven't mentioned it before. Mom tried to shove more food down my throat before heading to bed. I resisted.
Friday was spent watching countless episodes of CSI and old movies on the Turner Classic Movie Channel. Other then that, we uh....ate a lot. Later that night, we headed to Minden also known as The Christmas City to see the lights. Most small towns in Nebraska have the typical townsquare layout. Minden puts enough lights on their courthouse and surrounding streets to cause a blackout across the county. Minden is also the home of Pioneer Village. Authentic sod houses, blacksmiths shops, school house and churches. Complete with people in period costumes, antiques and a even a tacky knickknack shop. We ate at the Pioneer Cafe. The walls are lined with 200 variations of barbed wire and horseshoes. Yeefuckinhaw.
Saturday? Well, we headed to Red Cloud, the home of the famous author Willa Cather. Another old town that's dedicated itself to it's one and only celebrity. Wonder if they know she was a big ol' lesbian? We headed down to the Red Lounge for lunch. Nothing but the local drunks were already there on Christmas Eve, sitting at the bar having a drink or ten. Afterwards, we headed home to watch more CSI, Muder She Wrote, Matlock and Walker Texas Ranger marathons.
Are you seeing a pattern yet?
Christmas Eve was spent up at the main farmhouse where my Mothers husbands daugher and family live. They have 9 children ranging from 2 all the way to 18. All homeschooled. Somehow I got stuck with her annoying husband who had 25 new stories and 25 new tacky jokes to tell me. The finger food was crap and the chili was rumored to have deer meat in it. Nothing like taking a perfectly good soup and ruin it with wild game. Damn Nebraskans. I couldn't get home fast enough. At that point, another episode starring Angela Landsbury was a joy to behold.
Christmas Day was spent with my entire family in town. We started around noon and it didn't end until midnight. Good food, lots to drink, tons of games, shitload of presents and a brother who thought it was funny to fart all day. I used the time to try and get to know some of my great nieces and nephews I haven't had the chance to meet yet. They all loved Uncle Mawk by the end of the day. Eight so far and got the news that two nieces are pregnant again. I can't keep up anymore. Biggest thing I hate about not being around my family is seeing everyone grow up and watching their children grow up too. One of my great nephews asked me 5 times that day what my name was. He's only two. Found out later, it's the only way he knows how to start a conversation.
Mom and I got a chance to sit one more time and have a nice talk before I headed back to bed out on the farm. She's getting older and it shows. Doesn't always feel good. Doesn't get around as good anymore. She's slowing down. When they get to be in their late 70's, you need to spend all the time with them you can.
Although this Christmas seemed very lowkey, I'm glad I got a chance to spend it with Family.
But if I ever see another fucking episode of Murder She Wrote, I'm slitting my wrists.
PS: I forgot to mention that yesterday, the man who came into my life a year and eight months ago and made it a better place, turned 31 years old. When he found out that his birthday would be shared with Jesus, he decided to stay in the womb one more day and came out confetti and all on the 26th.
Love you baby.
Wil tagged me to do a meme which I haven't had to do in ages it seems. The meme is simple. List five simple pleasures.
1. Having a quiet, romantic dinner at a swank, cozy new restaurant with incredible food and a non-obtrusive waiter. It's more about the conversation and overall experience of dining for me more than the actual food itself. The acoustic guitarist/singer made the evening perfect.
2. Sipping on a really good class of wine. I'm not picky. Any of them will do, but red or white burgundy is my favorite.
3. Creating longlasting memories with someone you love that doesn't cost a fortune. Such as slow dancing with your partner in the middle of the living room to Christmas music after exchanging presents.
4. Cuddling with your partner after doing something that's nunyabidness, then falling sound asleep.
5. Realizing the next morning how much you're going to miss that little shit while you're both apart for the holiday.
Sometimes it's the small things that happen in life that can bring us the most pleasure.
As you can probably tell from the stories I tell from back home and also visiting Brian's parents, we both are the biggest Mama's boys on the planet and dare anyone to try and take that title away from us.
One of the biggest concerns after our relationship took a more serious turn (what, after 4 weeks?) we knew the holiday issue was going to be a problem. Neither one of us have ever been away from home for Christmas. Ever. Our Mothers start tugging on those apron strings and their boys blindly come home without a second thought. We're both proud to be Mama's boys and wouldn't have it any other way.
We've had long discussions on how to deal with our dilemma. Since we were in a serious relationship, we ought to be together on Christmas. So we figured we would alternate each parents house every other year. We immediately got pits in the bottom of our stomachs at the thought. Who was not going be home for Christmas first and have to make that phone call to Mom that they weren't coming home? We knew that whoever was giving up their holiday with their own family was basically going to be miserable that year. Next year would be the others turn.
During my trip home with Brian during Thanksgiving, a revelation occured. Brian's Mother's Brother couldn't make it to dinner. She was heartbroken. We realized right then and there for each of us to do our own family thing on Christmas. I know. Some are out there saying that they just need to get over it and we need to be together on his special holiday. We feel this works out best. We have the other 360 days out of the year to spend together, our families can have the other 5 days.
So today is our Christmas. I leave tomorrow afternoon for home and Brian leaves Thursday, so tonight we'll get all gussied up and have one of them there fancy schmancy dinners somewhere. We'll drink some wine and have wonderful conversation. Afterwards, we'll go home and exchange our gifts and hopefully end up the night with some Xmas booty.
Christmas has truly arrived.
Things won't slow down once we both get back on the 26th. That will be Brian's Birthday. He almost came out of his Mothers vagina on Christmas, but once he found out he would have to share his birthday with the baby Jesus, he said "Oh, Hell no!" and came forth the following day, streamers, confetti and all. We'll be going to dinner that night and the 28th will be a birthday dinner with friends. New Years isn' far behind.
If I don't get a chance to post something tomorrow before I leave, we both wanted to say Happy Holidays to all the wonderful friends we both have made out there this past year and the years before that. We both can't wait to spend some good quality (drunk) time with you in New York City next May for GB:NYCiii. Which reminds me, I need to start planning.
Friday night, we headed to a friends B-day/Christmas Party. It was great to just hang out with some people I haven't seen in quite some time and also, drink like the ol' days. Damn. After some beers and 5 tequilla shots, the Muppet on Crack slightly started to show it's ugly head. Luckily, Brian was pooping out around midnight and took my drunk ass home. Ever drink a lot, think you're ok, then you get home and climb in bed only to have the room to start spinning? I remember just laying there thinking, "Ok, you're not going to get sick. Just go to sleep. It will be better in the morning." I haven't drank like that in a long time. I won't be drinking like that in an even longer time.
The next morning I was pretty hung over. After a quick lunch, we went to see Brokeback Mountain. It's only showing in 3 theaters here. Every single show is sold out hours before and the lines to buy tickets or to be seated often went outside and down the street. One of the most beautifully told movies about two people in love that I've seen in a long time. It's not about gay love. Not about gay cowboys. Just about the love between to individuals. Don't miss this one.
Saturday night we had two more parties to attend. My work party and another friends Christmas Party. I wasn't feeling all that great. I could tell I was coming down with something. I was pretty damn nervous about attending the work one. I don't really know many people yet. I still feel like an outsider. I knew I would truly find out how accepting my new place was or wasn't. Let's just say we were made to feel welcomed and accepted. When your direct report tells your hubby how excited and thrilled she is to have me there, it made the night worth while. We met and hung out with other gay couples. Learned who the other gay couples were in the room. We even had to be on boob patrol for one of my coworkers. After a few cocktails, she became paranoid that her boobies were going to fall out of her new dress.
Afterwards, we headed to the last party of the season. By this point I'm honestly not feeling all that well. We only knew two other people, so after one beer we thanked the couple for having us and headed home. I knew something was up though. The next morning I felt like shit. Achy, headache, stuffy head, plugged up ears. Once I felt better later on in the afternoon, Brian and I headed out to one of the biggest malls around to finish up our last minute shopping. Sick or not, I got it done.
Never again will I wait this late into the season to buy gifts. That's just fucking pure torture.
Next year I'm buying everything online.
Now, I must go lay back down and rest.
Friends can be your worst critics. They can be brutally honest. In your face reality checks. And sometimes, just plan asshats, but we love them none the less.
Yesterday during lunch, a friend which shall remain nameles, although I will say his name starts with a B, ends with a D and the letters RA are in the middle, told me that my blog has been boring. Ouch Mary! Harsh words, but alas it's true. I find myself sitting here at my desk wondering what in the fuck am I going to say. I go to work, I come home, we go eat, we go to bed.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Throw in the weekly holiday party and there you have my life lately. No road trips, camping excursions, half naked bear pool parties. Finding something to talk about lately seems almost impossible.
Until last night.
Can we talk about sex for a moment? I know the way to a bloggers heart is to talk about a good ol' fashioned boinking. For those who are squeamish, please do something else.
Last night while in the throws of passion, everything was going well as I had planned. All the right moves were made at the right time. The proper nibbling on the neck when it was most needed. Passionate kisses in all the right places. Then as fate would have it right in the middle of our strenuous workout, I get this sharp pain shooting down the back of my thigh, causing me much agony. I tried to shake off the pinched nerve causing me to yelp like a beaten dog. I must say that through the whole ordeal, I kept on going like a trooper, pain and all. Luckily Brian was able to ignore the little cries of pain while he snickered at my expense.
Sucks getting old. Soon my hips are going to go out, I'll throw out my back or possibly get motion sickness from too much movement.
How does that saying go? Takes a licking and keeps on....
tick, tick, tick....
SPEAKING OF FARTING!!
Gotta love me some Farting Preacher! I laugh like a junior high age kid every single time.
I'm not one to review movies very often. We probably see at least one if not two movies a week. Some good, some bad, some just for pure entertainment value. Once in a while one comes along that will totally blow us away. Last night Brian and I headed out to see King Kong with a few friends. You don't even realize afterwards that you 've been sitting there for over 3 hours. The movie starts it never slows down enough for you to even breathe. I haven't seen a movie like this is quite a very long time. There are a lot of words that can be said to describe this movie. Fucking amazing are two that come to mind.
Don't let this one get you by without seeing it in the theater.
Are there certain memories in our brain that can't seem to be accessed? Every blogger seems to be getting into the season lately, writing about their favorite Christmas memory. Holidays with the family or favorite toys they received. Often this time of year brings back not so good memories for some. The loss of a loved one for example.
I sit here racking my brain, trying to remember Christmas as a child. Our lives revolved around church so much that most of my memories are of me learning my line fo the Christmas Play to be performed on Sunday morning. The hideous costume my mother had to make. Standing up there with other terrified children as we recited out small little part with lights flashing and people saying "Ohhhh!" I remember our choir performing a ridiculously long piece that seem to go on for days later that Sunday night. I remember my mother having to wake me up by the end. I remember our Church passing out brown paper bags with an orange/apple, peanuts and smaller bag of candy.
It was the only time of year my Dad ever went to Church. He made sure he got an extra bag or two before heading out the door.
For the life of me, I can't remember family dinners as a kid other then tons of people gathering at someones house for a potluck that would put Baptist women to shame. Our family's all got together every single major holiday, so maybe they all are jumbled together in my head. Notthing sticks out.
I vaguely remember decorating the tree with my father. That was the time of year I learned new cusswords. The lights were always tangled and he could never get them to work.
What toys did they buy me? I remember being a kid that didn't care for toys. Give me a set of paints or pad and pencil and I was content. Toys didn't interest me. I'm sure my parents had a hell of a time figuring out what to get me. I remember going down to a local womens clothing store and my Father picking out things that my Mother laid aside for herself. Complaining the entire time that he was spending too much money, but he did it anyways.
My Father complained about he cost of Christmas every single day leading up to the offical day, but it was one of his favorite holidays of the year. Police officers back then were always given gifts by local businesses. Our house had more turkeys, hams, Mondovi wine and boxes of grapefruit then you could imagine. I always felt that being a CK (cops kid) was something special.
Holidays now of course are without my Father. I look back now and I realize that I'm a lot like him. It's my favorite time of the year and I try to enjoy every aspect of it. It's my Mothers favorite holiday too, but the older she gets the less she seems to be into it. The spark has left. Many people hate this time of year. Finding it irritating, too commercial or too religious. A time for crowded streets and malls. A time to waste money.
For me it's a time to hopefully give back to someone less fortunate. A time to gather friends for a night of music, liquor and laughter. A time to travel home during the winter and enjoy the family who all make it a point to come home for a visit.
Biggest benefit is having a partner to finally share this holiday. Dinners, parties, shopping for friends and family, cuddling on the couch when it's cold outside, buying each other that special gift. Spending lots of money, going into debt, stressing out, tiring ourselves out.....
Sorry got sidetracked.
I wouldn't change anything for the world.
A few things seem to be floating in the back of my mind lately. Nothing that I dwell on constantly or obsess about, but those little things that creep back into your mind during down time. I mentioned that I seem to be pre-occupied lately. Haven't been feeling quit 100% due to a lingering cold that won't seem to go the fuck away. Work. Christmas shopping. Holiday parties. Home. Dog.
Often I find myself daydreaming. I know this probably isn't a good thing to be doing at work, but work seems to have a lot of down time. And well, other stuff I don't want to get in to. Luckily for me, a very crucial, important, well needed lunch was had yesterday with my direct report to clear up some concerns I was having. I know I've been a bear to live with lately. Brian can attest to that. I was more happy and relaxed when I came home last night. Hopefully things will get better.
During our lunch, she mentioned a friend of theirs that had a home to sell or rent. They would do either. Cute home in an old historic district close to downtown in Oak Cliff. It seems our people have flocked there in numbers over the years and have set up their own little community. She's going to get me in touch with him to possibly rent the house and hell, if we like it maybe buy it. This is the point where I try my damnest to keep my expectations down. If you don't go into a situation expecting much, you won't leave disappointed. Well, that's what my mind says. Someone needs to tell it to the rest of me.
Those moments when my mind starts to wander, I think of owning another cute and cuddly dog. Back in grad school, I owned a chow named Church. Cutest dog on the planet. He went with me everywhere, even when I taught classes. He'd wander the halls sometimes, greeting students or lay at my feet while I lectured. If I went to a friends house, he was there. If I ran an errand in the car, he sat right beside me. The most well behaved, lethargic ball of fur you could ever meet. Stubborn. Sense of humor. Protective. Loyal. Smart. All the qualities I love in a dog. He was like owning a fluffy persian cat that did nothing but like to lay around and look pretty. My mother spoiled him one summer by feeding him buttered toast with jelly every morning. Grape jelly because he didn't like strawberry.
Tragically he died one afternoon when a friends mother was watching him while my boyfriend and I worked at a Art Fair in Topeka Kansas. It was 100+ degrees outside and I told her to keep him indoors and only go out to go potty. She felt he needed a long, extended stay outside (she's a cat person) and he died of heat exhaustion within hours. Vet seemed to think that might not have been all. He might of had a bad heart. We buried him that day and I remember crying for weeks afterwards. I only have one picture of us for some reason.
So I have a soft spot for Chows. I know their temperment. They have to be aclimated to people and their environment. Introduced to people. Made to feel comfortable. They're protective of their owner and will be cautious of strangers. One of the things I love about the breed. They're regal and beautiful dogs. They freak out when they have a bad hair day. Well, at least mine did. He would bring his brush to me before going out for a walk. Vain little shit.
Just like his daddy.
But how could you not fall in love with something that looks like this at 6 weeks old?
Since my Ex has been sick so much off and on lately, his little brother wanted to make sure he gets to see him as much as he can from now on, so he came to visit this weekend. Thursday we took him and the Ex out to dinner and promised him a night out on the town the next night. Friday night Brian and I met them out for drinks. The Ex was not feeling well so he went home early. We learned through conversations that even though his little brother loves women to death he's had a couple of sexual escapades with men in the past. He's only 23. He hasn't had time to have a past, but enough experience to get his dick sucked later on that night by a willing participant. I knew he wasn't going to have a problem when I caught him in the mens room checking out guys next to him at the urinal. For someone with limited experience, he sure knew what he was doing. I'm sure his wife and two kids are thrilled.
No one can ever say that we over did our Christmas decorations this year. We headed to another Christmas Party in Plano Texas which is practically Oklahoma in my opinion. The amount of decorations they had compared to ours was at least doubled, plus they threw fake snow on everything. Must remember to buy bags and bags of fake snow next year. Beautiful home, beautiful decorations, men in leather harnesses and santa hats bartending, tasty catered food and every single Bear and cub from Oaklawn in attendance. We had an amazing time. Only a few more parties to go before the season is over.
We got a chance to see the Chronicles of Narnia. Good movie, decent effects, nice story, too many children in the theater. My only gripe.
We checked out a friends house that he is renting out. Possibly a starter home to live in while we look for our own home to buy within a year. That's our goal at least. Big, scary step but we're both excited as hell. Just a long road getting there. We're so fucking tired of living in an apartment, especially with Sandy McStompsalot living upstairs. Would be a great place for the dog we plan on buying here within the next couple months. Yeah, another step we're taking. We're going to get a Chow puppy. Only bad thing is that I didn't care for the house all that much.
Sunday was 65 and sunny so we were out most of the afternoon enjoying the beautiful weather before crashing back at our pad. While Brian played online, I got a chance to finish the latest novel by Anne Rice called Christ the Lord, Out of Egypt. I was highly skeptical about her latest book. I loved her vampire and witch novels and the smattering of other topics she wrote about. When I heard that she was writing a novel about the life of Jesus, told in His voice as a 7 year old, I was waiting for a novel that was preachy and highly religious. She seems to have gone from being a diehard athiest to a devout Roman Catholic. Instead I found a great story that was neither. I actually enjoyed the book.
In other news, I did laundry. Although I know you're dying to hear the details, I must refrain. Maybe another time I can tell you of my undies and mismatched socks.
Sorry for the boring, sporadic post that says a lot of things, yet really says nothing. With work, shopping, parties and Christmas on the horizon, my mind seems to be just a tad bit pre-occupied.
Lately, all it takes if something shiny to distract me.
For those out there that get tested on a regular basis, remember what it feels like walking in to have your blood drawn? Remember what that week is like waiting for the results? Remember what you feel like when you walk in to get your test results, sit down, wait for the person to show up, open up a piece of paper and turn it around to hopefully show you that you are negative?
It's a grueling week. Each and every time. It's nerveracking. No matter how safe you think you have been, there always seems to be that lingering thought in the back of your mind, "What if?"
Once I finally got my phone call that day over 13 years ago, never again did I have to go through what I called Hell Week every 4-6 months. Little did I realize back then another fear that would creep into my life and eat away at me over and over again. The fear of somehow causing someone else to become positive, despite all our efforts to be as safe as possible.
When being with someone that's negative, I go through that Hell Week every six months right along with my partner. Continuing to play the "What if?" game. Brian had an appointment to get his 6 month test like clockwork yesterday at 4:30pm. At 4:40pm I got a phone call telling me that everything is still fine. He's negative. What we've been doing and not doing the past year and a half has been working.
Every single time I get a little choked up and tears come to my eyes. I breathe a sigh of relief and we move on. I'm sure every six months it will get a bit easier. But there will always be a lingering thought. That's natural and will probably never go away.
I can live with that. The benefits of this relationship are way too great.
I get people asking me questions all the time how negative and positive people date each other. It's easy.
Just like everyone else.
We survived. I know most of you were probably up most of the night, pacing back and forth, chewing your fingernails and of course, praying to whatever God or god you pray to.
We thank you for that from the bottom of our crotches.
Speaking of crotches, it's 10 degrees outside and mine seems to have disappeared and went up inside my body. Especially when I go outside.
There was a thin layer of ice on the roads, most of which was gone by 8am. Still people manage to cause amazing wrecks. Hell, a semi truck ran into the back of an SUV causing the car to catch on fire. Maybe I should have grabbed my graham crackers, chocolate and marshmellows. Don't get me started on talking about peoples driving habits. I don't have enough time. I'm writing this from work.
Shhhhhhhh.
Brian and I thank you for your positive vibes during this troubling time. I think we'll make it through.
In other jawdropping news, we both seem to have the sniffles. Sudafed during the day, Nyquil during the night. Together we're producing more snot then we know what to do with. That, and I seem to have that detached feeling that antihistamines give you. Nyquil? I had a dream that Brian and I found these rune covered blades. When we put our heads together, lay the blades on either side of our temple and chant a 6 digit code, we transported ourselves to other places and times in the world. Usually in the middle of various bad situations which we barely escaped each one in the nick of time.
This shit is better then LSD.
We're preparing for the worst. I'm preparing my Last Will and Testament. A winter storm that could stop Dallas dead in its tracks is on its way. Traffic will be halted. Schools, banks and businesses will be closed due to inclement weather. Grocery stores have lines of people stocking up on necessities such as bread, meat, canned goods and water. Home improvement stores are busy with people buying sand, salt, shovels, brooms and firewood. People are covering their plants and putting a protective covering over all pipes.
Christmas has been put on hold people! We must fight to survive!!!
Yes, the storm of the century will be upon us tonight, hitting us when we're most vulnerable. Our evening commute home. NO! Not rush hour traffic!!! News people will be on hand throughout the city to give us up-to-date information on what to do to save our lives.
Within hours we will be hit. I must sit at my job all day, waiting in anticipation.
A dusting of sleet if expected which might possibly cause some overpasses to be a tad bit slippery. In certain parts of the city the inevitable could possibly happen. We might get.....*hard for me to talk right now*....a dusting of...*dare I say it?*.....SNOW!!!!
If the media isn't out there trying to scare the living shit out of you every fucking ten minutes with breaking news, it's the fucking scaredass Dallas people who think a dusting of snow or a little bit of slick roads is going to keep them from shopping at the Galleria. Or worse yet, having a good dinner of Sushi and sake at the swank "to be seen" restaurant called Dragon Fly. God forbid the snowfall is enough for schools to close. They might have to spend time with their children!! AHHHHH!!!!
MUST..BUY..ALL..THE..WATER. .LEFT..IN..DALLAS!!
There are days people, there are days......
After a weekend that practically put both of us six feet under, Brian and I had a chance to finally do nothing but relax this past Sunday and catch a movie. We went to see the movie RENT.
Normally I avoid all types of films where the subject matter centers around someone dying of AIDS. I found out I was positive very early in the 90's. I had seen many people get sick and pass on. We lost friends. The obituary section of our local rag didn't have one or two deaths mentioned. There were pages upon pages.
Hollywood during this time decided to tell our plight to the world. Using everything imaginable, they tugged at our heart strings, yanked out our heart, threw it on the ground and stomped on it as many times as they could. I found myself drawn to these films. I wanted to see what could possibly happen to me. How I would die. What my funeral might be like. How my friends and family would react. I became obsessed with these films and would often go see them more then once.
Every single time, I would end up a blubbering mess on the livingroom floor, or like on one occasion after seeing the flick, It's My Party, I practically had to be helped to the car from the movie theater. I was sobbing uncontrollably. Day and days after seeing these films, I found myself in a state of depression. This was going to happen to me. This is what my life would end up like. Yeah, I'll admit I was a bit of a drama queen.
Never once did any of these films portray people living with the disease. Once The Cocktail became available to us, people weren't dying left and right anymore. We finally had some hope. Hollywood had no desire to show a film of someone living with AIDS. What would be the point? The cry factor is a lot higher when someone dies tragically with tons of friends boohooing by their bedside.
Eventually, I prevented myself from ever watching these kind of movies. Never again would I put myself through that. That was a number of years ago.
Then RENT, the movie opened last week. I knew that the play/movie is based upon a group of bohemians in the mid 90's in New York City. I knew that the theme of the movie was AIDS and that someone had to die tragically. Others would learn and benefit from their friendship with this truly amazing person that touched their lives. Some would live and continue on. We've seen this played out how many times in other movies? I purposely had avoided anything to do with RENT. I never bought the soundtrack. I didn't go see the show when it opened in Dallas a few years ago.
I knew I had to see the movie.
As suspected, we both were blubbering idiots by the end of the film. Hell, very few dry eyes as we walked out of the theater. We absolutely loved it. We had nothing to compare it to the original Broadway production. Yes, it seemed quite dated, but the importance of the film still rings true today. Hopefully it might open an awareness to a generation that often thinks the disease isn't a problem and doesn't hardly exist anymore. Trust me, there are people out there that believe like this. Maybe it will REopen peoples eyes remind them that it hasn't gone away. Who knows.
After an extremely somber dinner, we went home, got undressed and huddled under warm blankets. We decided to watch another movie, so we popped in the movie Crash. Seeing a comedy at this point seemed pointless. One of the most disturbing and emotional movies I've seen in a while. The subject is racisim. There are scenes that will haunt you for a day or two afterwards. We both were crying by the end of this one too.
One word of advice? Don't follow both of those movies in one day, by watching an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
We were two piles of jello by the end of the night.
We officially kicked off the first party of the Holiday Season and boy was it ever a huge success. Surprisingly enough, people were showing up before 7pm and the place was packed wall to wall by 7:30pm. Luckily, the crowd thinned out a bit before the next group showed up closer to 9. Our place is just too tiny to hold 60 people at one time.
Many of my old and dear friends showed, as did Brian's. Many of our friends that we've made the past year came. Even a few work people. We had the token straight boy and the token straight boy who was hitting on all the straight girls, unbeknownst to them that he's already slept with about 3 men in the room also. I think there's one at every party.
Highlight of the evening was when 3 good friends turned bloggers showed up in their Christmas attire. Jim of Pretzel Logic, Rebecca of Spaghetti and Truth Balls and our buddy Scott of Who Pung Floo. They kept saying that they bought their outfits escpecially for the party, but I'm sure they're just closeted Christmas Sweater Buyers.
I couldn't believe all the bottles of Champagne, Wine and Liquor people brought at housewarming gifts. We even were given homemade baked bread, photos, Christmas ornaments and a tacky light up toiletseat cover. We have made some incredible friends and last night proved it.
You know it's a good party when the complex security guards come by to tell us to shut our door and keep it down. Wouldn't be a good party without the Law called in. A handful of diehards stayed until the bititer end, which came around midnight. I was so pooped I could barely keep my eyes open.
We were a tad bit snockered too.
I'm hoping a few people got to take a glance at our streaming video from last night. I'm sure it's something we'll do again. I'm just sorry most of you missed the streaming video of the Naked Crisco Twister Game later that night.
Kidding.
Didn't take us long to find alternative uses for our costumes we were forced to put on.
Click here to view the entire photo album.
Bored, sitting at home on a Friday night? Dateless? Nothing to do?
My Boyfriend being the biggest geek on the planet decided we should have Streaming Video of our Party!
"Link has been removed"
Finally. We've completely bought all the liquor, beer, wine and food we can possibly afford. Damn throwing a party can be expensive. I'm glad I'm not adding in the price of all the decorations to the grand total otherwise I might wet myself.
Luckily this is a one time a year event.
The place is clean. Everything is put away. If you open our closets I can't be liable for what might fall and flatten you deader then a doornail.
With all this completed, we can finally show you our apartment and Holiday decorations. I know you've ALL just waiting with baited breathe to see them.
Enjoy the tour.
