I hated making New Years Resolutions this time of year as much as I hated Valentines Day. Valentines Day will hold a new and special meaning for me this year for the first time in years. Ever since I can remember, I always got dumped by my boyfriend du jour right before Christmas. So Christmas, New Years and Valentines Day were boyfriendless. My bitterness has subsided.
Since Valentines Day looks promising, I'm also looking forward to actually kissing someone I love and that I'm sleeping with rather then making the rounds and kissing all my friends at midnight tonight. No offense to any of my friends to tried to slip me the tongue at midnight to make me feel better. It's just not the same.
New Years always seemed......uneventful.
We have been invited to 3 parties. We're thinking of becoming professional party goers. We seem to be in high demand. *ahem* Kidding. Between my friends and his friends, we're going to have one busy night ahead of us. One drunk filled night.
My resolutions? Haven't really thought that hard about it. There are many things in my life that I want to improve upon regarding work, friendships, family and my relationship. I just hate making specific promises to myself. If I don't achieve those goals, I tend to beat myself up for it. I'm hoping that 2005 will continue on as well as the past 8 months of 2004 has.
Many things happened last year. Some good, some bad. Some wonderful and some tragic.
It's up to us to make 2005 better.
Have a Happy and SAFE New Years. Try not to drink too much and if you do, please take a taxi or have a sober friend drive you home.
For those of you who's number I have....be prepared for some serious drunkdialing.
Porn. I think I'm the only gay man in existence that doesn't own one single piece of porn. No movies, no books, no magazines. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I went to the local video store in the gayborhood and rented a flick or two. Back then (the homo dark ages), you would have some hottie checking you out while you were looking through the 1970's vintage porn movies, a couple eyebrows were raised, a seductive glance, he would rub his crotch, then off you go.
I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. Yes I was quite the little whore back in my day. Needless to say, I either didn't rent a video or never ended up watching them once we got back to his/my place.
I'm not sure why I've never been a porn afficionado. I've slept with a couple porn stars. I didn't know about it until afterwards. Even had one guy I was dating a long time ago, pop in a movie and low and behold, there he was in all his glory having his booty poked by ten guys. I couldn't have felt more proud. Recently met Matthew Rush and had my knees buckle, but honestly didn't know he was a porn star until someone told me. I couldn't tell you 5 popular names of stars to save my life. *coughCorincough* Maybe I never needed visual stimulation. I don't know.
I have nothing against porn of course. I enjoy it just like the next guy, but you won't see me running down to Tapelenders to drop 50 bucks on a porn I'll end up watching in 5 minute increments. Give or take a minute depending on if I'm in a hurry because Desperate Housewives comes on in five.
I watch it when it's available.
It was available last night and boy howdy, it was perfect timing.
We all know I'm a Blog/comment/stats whore. I'm getting better. I was going to mention I hit 50,000 hits a couple weeks ago, 429 post and 3951 comments, but decided that I didn't find it necessary to mention such trivial things. I think I'm on the road to recovery.
We also know I'm a Kenneth Cole clothing whore. Doesn't help that my partner fuels my addiction by buying me pretty, shiny shirts every time he passes a department store.
I've mentioned that I'm a music whore. I will go through periods of buying a CD or two a week. I miss the days of being able to listen to any CD before you bought it. I end up buying some shitty music.
Having these slight little addictions I see as being quite harmless. It's not like I have an addiction to sniffing butt or something.
As I was getting ready this morning, I had to put on cologne before walking out the door. I had left mine at home and had to use Brian's. His selection is....well, lets just say he's a minimalist. But he does have a nice kilo of street quality Angel by Theirry Mugler. Thank God a tragedy was averted. He prefers not to wear much cologne.
The horror!
It's like an American Express. I don't leave home without it.
TV shows, Music, Pictures all remind of us of a specific place or time. Does cologne or perfume do that for you? It does for me. I can tell you pretty much what cologne every single boyfriend wore. The first guy I ever slept with wore Gucci. I'm not sure if I fell in love with him or his cologne. Until this day, Gucci will stop me dead in my tracks and make me think of the first time I bumped uglies with a boy.
My obsession with cologne started when I was young and my mother bought me a bottle of Calvin Kleins Obsession. Funny how my obsession started with Obsession. What do I own today?
Marc Jacobs
Michael by Michael Kors
L'eau D'Issey by Issey Miyake
Kenneth Cole Cologne
Kenneth Cole Black
Mont Blanc
Lolita Lempinka
Miracle by Lancome'
Desire Blue by Dunhill
Eternity by Calvin Klein
Crave by Calvin Klein
Truth by Calvin Klein
Escape by Calvin Klein
Heaven by Gap
Angel by Theirry Mugler
And I honestly feel that I don't have enough cologne. I need sporty, casual, dressy colognes. I need going out, staying home, working out colognes. I need bar colognes. Shopping colognes. Work colognes. Cuddling with my honey colognes.
I once had an old girlfriend say that I had a distinct smell. When I dumped her, she took a jacket of mine from my car without me knowing. Later when I asked her about it, she said the smell of it reminded her of me. How precious is that I tell you? Sounds kind of creepy to me. I'm sure my coat was covered in Obsession or whatever the cologne du jour was at that time. Some people prefer the smell of Eau de Funk such as the hunky Sam.
I have to admit, that a nice slight funk after your partners finished working out can be a turn on, so I have to agree with Sam to a certain level. I do have my limits.
Do colognes or perfumes spark a memory for you?
Got to love my family. Love them so much, I was racing out of town to get back to Dallas. My time is pretty much planned out for me before I even arrive. Shopping, dinner, shopping, lunch, visiting relatives, shopping. You get the picture. I swear to GOD I know where I get my need to shop from, but for Jebus sake woman, give me a break! If we weren't running all over town, we were at the farm trying to catch a quick nappypoo or watching another fricken' episode of Law and Order.
I was hearing "doink, doink" in my dreams.
A few family members were absent this year for the first time ever. Made for a quiet and somber Christmas. Also made for a much quieter Christmas due to the lack of 4 great nieces and nephews running around like ADHD Poster Children. Personally, I found the smaller and more mello group quite soothing.
Unka Mawk's nerves can only take so much.
Overall, I had a wonderful time seeing Mother and her husband. Enjoyed spending some time with my brothers and my sister. We hadn't had much time in the past to really sit down and just.....talk. Funny what happens when you talk.
My family decides to openly talk about my homosexuality and my new partner for the first time.
Ever.
My mother was not a part of this conversation. Just my sister, sister-in-law, nieces. The others in the area decided it wasn't a topic of discussion they wanted to be a part of so many grunting animal noises were made as they left the room. Others quickly got up and started cleaning house and doing the dishes. It was wonderful yet nerve racking talk. I was very candid with them, as they were me. I found out who in the family would have a problem or still does. I found out who was very accepting.
My Mother is the one with the biggest problem. The subject is just not discussed. Ever. She just prays about it instead. But she still loves me and constantly asked me about Brian and how he was doing and what plans we had when I got back home. She knows, but just skirts the actual subject of me being a big ol' Mo at all cost.
My 18 year old niece sat there listening to me and the rest at the table chat back and forth. When she decides to speak we all stop and listen. You never know what's going to come out. She said, "Being a scholarship volleyball and basketball player in college, it's obvious I'm around many lesbians. I have no problem at all. What's there to have a problem about? I love you Uncle Mark and that's all that matters." She continued, "If I were a homosexual myself, which I'm not, but if I were....no one and I mean NO ONE would ever keep me inside a box."
I sat there a little perplexed. "Did you mean closet, honey?"
"No, I mean box", she said. "It might be a closet anywhere else, but around here it seems more like a small box. No one would force me to stay in there."
It took me a few minutes to understand her analogy. She's not eloquent with words. The midwest can seem much more homophobic then the rest of the country. More difficult to find acceptance and understanding. I understood her point.
She leaned over, wrapped her arms around my neck, kissed me on the cheek and said, "I love my gay Uncle Mark....."
Despite the grunting family member, rolling of eyes, long sighs and someone leaving the table during our discussion, it only takes a hug, a kiss, a few words of acceptance and a couple of 'I love you's' thrown in to make the moment seem almost perfect.
I'm back, I'm tired, I'm full of food and dragging Christmas gifts....
More tomorrow.
hugs
It's that time of year where I have to say goodbye for a few days while I go home and visit the family back in Nebraska for the holidays. Brian is also going home the same day to see his family in West Texas. Our first holiday together, we thought it best to spend it with our own families and start dividing up the time next year visiting both. We're both scared shitless about telling our mothers that we may or may not be home for Christmas, but may or may not be home for Thanksgiving instead.
I'm taking a half day of vacation so I can get things ready for the trip. Laundry to do, car to clean, clothes to pack, friends to call, boyfriends booty to poke. I have a full day ahead of me. I'm leaving at 4am so I can be home around 1pm. Sometimes I think I'm absolutely crazy. No flying isn't an option. Closest place to fly into is Omaha. Then I would have a 3-4 hour drive. The cost of flights to Omaha isn't the cheapest and the number of layovers can cause it to take up to 7 hours to get home. I'd rather drive it in 9 hours instead.
We woke up Sunday and decided we would take some goofy Holiday pictures. Even Palin got into the holiday spirit. Brian actually woke him up and he wasn't pleased.
I will be returning on December 27th. If I can find a computer in the flatlands of Nebraksa, I'll try to post something, but more then likely you'll have to just skim my archives for a daily Zeity Fix.
I got to sit on Santa's lap this year and tell him what I wanted. Boy, did I ever get what I wanted.....
Have a Safe, Happy, Hairy, Beary, Merry Holiday Season!!!
Interesting weekend. I hope you all don't mind recaps on Mondays. So much shit crammed into a few days and on Mondays, I don't have much else to share.
It was so good to see Brian. It's been more then 2 weeks since he had been home. We spent a quiet night having dinner and a movie. Lemony Snickets, A Series of Unfortunate Events, was quite cute and actually funny. If you don't like Jim Carey, pass on this one.
Saturday was filled with more Christmas shopping and then getting ready for our romantic dinner at Nana Grill. The restaurant is not far from downtown on the 27th floor of the Anatole Hotel. We were lucky enough to get seats at the floor to ceiling windows facing the skyline of downtown Dallas. We were all decked out in our finest threads. Brian had a filet with sweet potatoes and roasted onions and I had red snapper with cavier and reisling sause with a side of parsnips. A nice bottle of wine, salads, dessert and dessert wine completed our meal. I love having evenings like this. It's nothing that we can do frequently. Our pocket books wouldn't be able to take it.
We continued our evening by having a few drinks with friends. Then we got a phone call telling us about a Christmas party at some multi-million dollar home. All dolled up and nowhere to go.....what the fuck, might as well. We arrive at this modern monstrosity. Valet parking, house lit up like a christmas tree, 6 bars, servants, swimming pools, 15 rooms and tacky furniture. You would think someone this wealthy would have better taste. I hate sounding like a snob since the rest of this entry is talking about our snobby Dallas community.
There were at least 250-300 people there. The gay bars downtown had to be hurting this evening. As I walked around I started watching people. Each bathroom had long lines of people dressed in Prada and D&G digging in their pockets for their coke. Hair was highlighted and jacked to Jesus. Higher the hair the closer to God I always say. You know why guys are going into the bathroom in pairs or groups of 3 or more. It's not to do each others hair or wipe each others ass. People walk out of the bathrooms checking each others noses for VCR. Visual Coke Residue. Geez guys, take care of that inside the bathroom.
No one was friendly. No one spoke a word to you. Everyone talking about the most superficial crap. I'm the first one to enjoy the finer things in life, especially clothing. I felt sorry for the two guys in army fatigues and t-shirts. They were obviously on their way to The Eagle and got a little side tracked. They were ignored also.
I watched as the open bars poured expensive alcohol, homo's eating smoked salmon and cavier. I listened to conversations and overheard talk of drugs, cars, jobs, clothing and men. I couldn't get over one bathroom that was big enough to hold 25 people. Trust me, no one was there taking a shit. I had enough at one point. This wasn't my scene. These weren't my people.
This was nothing more then a circuit party only with clothing. A very, VERY long time ago, I use to be part of this crowd. I was a snobby asshole, that most people hated or were scared to approach. I thought I was all that, and had not one reason to be that way. I played the game well and fooled a lot of people. Now I have good friends who are genuine people that would do anything for me and I for them. I don't care what you wear, where you work, what you drive, how much you make a year or how much that last bag of coke cost you. I'm past all that. Those days are gone. This party reminded me of all of that.
There are more important things in my life now. I hear about the problems in our community and no wonder we're looked down upon at times. I see this part of our fair little city and it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a simple guy who surrounds myself with good people. I'm just glad my life is heading down a path that I'm proud of. Maybe I'm a tad bit too optimisitc about the future of myself, my partner, my friends, my HIV.
I have to be optimistic about SOMETHING.....
TAKEN FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES:
Originally published on December 13, 2004
New drugs outfox the AIDS virus
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PISCATAWAY, N.J. - Researchers at Rutgers University have developed three promising drugs that they say destroy HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The drugs, called DAPYs, mimic the virus by changing shape, which enables them to interfere with the way HIV attacks the immune system.
Tests conducted with Johnson & Johnson have shown the drug to be easily absorbed with minimal side effects. It also can be taken in one pill, in contrast to the drug cocktails now taken by AIDS patients.
"This could be it," Stephen Smith, the head of the department of infectious diseases at Saint Michael's Medical Center in Newark, told the Star-Ledger newspaper. "We're all looking for the next class of drugs."
Full details will be unveiled in early 2005, but Rutgers chemist Eddy Arnold said the new meds target reverse transcriptase, a submicroscopic protein comprising two coiled chains of amino acids. It is considered HIV's key protein.
"Reverse transcriptase is very important in the biology of AIDS," Smith said. "If you can really inhibit reverse transcriptase, you can stop AIDS."
The optimism about R278474, the most promising of the three drugs, stems from its potential to interfere with an enzyme the virus needs to copy and insert itself into a human cell.
"We're onto something very, very special," Arnold told the newspaper.
Two relatives of R278474, called TMC-120 and TMC-125, also have showed promise in clinical trials. Johnson & Johnson officials told the Ledger that the two drugs are of major interest to them, but they did not discuss R278474.
I just finished a portrait for a former employee. He has me draw his son every year. This is the 5th one I've done just for him.
When I was still living in Kansas City before moving to Dallas, I supplemented my income doing various portraits for people. I was drawing anything from couples, grandparents, children and grandchildren. People gave them as gifts for birthdays, anniversarys and Christmas.
I made an announcement at work stating that I was moving with the company to Dallas and if anyone needed a portrait drawn that they ask me now. I shouldn't have sent a companywide memo to 500 people. I was drawing at least 1-3 portraits each evening from the day I posted that message until the day I drove out of town. That's a lot of drawing. I was getting request to draw not only portraits people but of dogs, cats, birds and even someones pet monkey.
One portrait still sticks out in my mind. A women in the department next to mine, who barely spoke a word to anyone, asked me very quietly if I would draw a portrait of her sister. She gave me a highschool photograph which dated back to the mid 60's. Big hair, cat eye glasses and that ever so stylish makesup. I brought it back completed a few days later. The woman took one look and immediately started to sob heavily. I stood there wondering what to say or do. I wasn't sure why she was reacting like this. I've had people get a little misty-eyed but nothing that opened up the flood gates like this.
Once she gained her composure, she told me that her sister committed suicide one month after that picture was taken. Two months before she was to graduate from highschool. No one in her family had talked about her or what happened since that day. Talk about a family of avoidance.
She had ever really dealt with the death of her older sister. A death that ended to tragically. The portrait was for her and her alone.
This was the first in a stream of emotional moments I was to experience for years to come, all from drawing someone's portrait.
I'm sure after yesterdays post that everyone is expecting me to write about sex. Talk about performance anxiety. Let me just tell you that after having the boyfriend gone for the past two weeks, this boy is primed and ready to go. If I could greet him at the airport nekkid, I would. I'm sure that security wouldn't have any sort of issues. Where in the hell would I be able to hide anything? Don't answer that.
After our last stint at the airport, with my luck my license plate number is flagged in the system. I'm sure their computer screens start flashing PERVERT! PERVERT! PERVERT! whenever I get within 50 feet of the entrance. Either that or a tape of us is being circulated between all the Air Mattress Employees. I can see the headlines now. I'll become famous and the Zeity Sex Tapes will magically surface and be aired on 20/20. I'll be like Paris Hilton.
In the imortal words of Paris Hilton, "That's hot."
**
Last night my roomie and I had to go up north to Stonebriar Mall to finish our Christmas shopping. The roomie takes me to a store called Club Libby Lu. To quote their website, "We're not just a store. We're a club with special membership privileges. The club gives girls like you a fun funky place to hang out, interact and explore your imagination while being treated like the princess you are by our inspiring club counselors."
I walk in and my chin hit the floor. Everything in the entire store is pink and lavender. Glitter covers everything. Someone went completely nuts with a Bedazzler. Pink fur and feathers are attached to anything and everything. Make up kits. Create your own lipgloss kits. Princess starter kits. Princess clothes and tiaras. Even a place for little girls to get their makeup done and hair extensions put in by "club counselors". These club counselors are 16 year old girls wearing tiaras and pink fairy wings. When we arrived, a group of 6 little girls with full makeup, high heels, hair extensions and outfits which made their whole head sparkle, were learning a new dance routine. The poor father looked on and was just shaking his head.
The roomie left with a pink fur butterfly chair completely decked out in glitter, feathers and jewels for his niece. I made him carry it out to the car.
I'm surprised some homo's haven't found this place and started booking their next birthday party.
**
Last but not least, our company Christmas party is today from 3-6pm. It's in the parking garage located between our two buildings. I think it's sweet how they show appreciation to their employees.
Just when you think your company couldn't do anything more idiotic...
I'm down for a few hours and a flood of emails and IM's come my way. They had to audit websites due to piracy or something. I'm such a creature of blogging habit. By 8:30am central standard time, there's usually a post put up Monday through Friday. Saturday and Sunday are spotty. Weekend post are bonuses. If I haven't posted by 8:30am, people start wondering if I've been involved in a car wreck, had a heart attack, been committed to a nut farm or am currently dealing with a bad case of diarrhea
I'm alive and well. I heart my readers, friends and blogger friends.
I was honestly quite relieved. I usually spend my morning commute, thinking of what I have to say. How I'm going to solve world peace, tell stories about my family, bore you with more Christmas gushiness or bombard you with Brian mushiness.
Or I could talk about poop, farts, dicks or sex. Not necessarily in that order or grouping.
Now that my site is back up, I feel obligated to write something.
*cricket noises*
*drums fingers on desk*
*picks nose, flicks booger at co-worker*
Hmmm.....
Wow, blogger block. Performance anxiety. Do they make a blogger Cialis or Levitra? Nothing like losing my blogger erection. I hate it when I go limp.
Pardon me while I stroke my moveable type.....
If you get any sort of message from me or IM asking for your password to play a yahoo game, delete it immediately and to NOT under any circumstances give it out. My Yahoo password was stolen. I've changed it on almost every account I have now.
Tell your friends.
Now on to todays post.....
There are moments during this time of year, where I honestly feel guilty for actually enjoying the holiday season. I know there are many people out there that due to circumstances with family, friends, lovers, their childhood or a specific instance that caused them to hate and despise this time of year. The holiday's cause pain. They feel they have no reason to celebrate.
I use to hate Valentines Day. I never had a lover/partner/boyfriend/whatever to spend it with. I was bitter. Now for the first time in years, I can't wait to send him roses. Have a romantic candlelit dinner. Shower him with love and affection. Nothing like Valentines Day nookie to top things off.
Easter was a time for my whole family to get new outfits and go to church. We would sit there through the Sunrise Service, followed by a huge family potluck with all of our relatives. We have old movies dating back to the 50's showing all the women in their new dresses, hats and gloves and the Men in their new spring suits. Only time you ever saw me wear white shoes.
Memorial Day was a time to take a road trip as a family. We'd load up the old wood side paneled station wagon (reminds me of the Brady Bunch) with food, tents and sleeping bags and head to the lake for a couple days. I still make sure I get out of town either to see family or friends that time of year.
Fourth of July was another family gathering. Fifty or more of us would get together for a BBQ, watermelon and fireworks until 1am in the morning.
Labor Day was a repeat of Memorial Day. The chance to get out of town, away from the city and see something new.
Halloween. The Gay High Holy Day. Older I get, the less I participate. Just a day for men to dress up in drag or leather drag that one special time of year.
Thanksgiving was another time for friends and family to see each other and get caught up on each others lives. People who had no place to go were always welcomed at my house growing up. That tradition is continued until this day with my second family I've grown to love here in Dallas.
Christmas.....the holiday so many people hate. I know we've taken this holiday and commercialized it to the point of overkill. I know you hear holiday music before Thanksgiving and see the mall decorated as early as November 1st. Shopping centers so full it makes you want to drop kick parents and their babies. You can't turn the corner without seeing one of those damn inflatable snowmen in someones front lawn. It makes you want a BB gun. Icicle lights draped on anything that doesn't move. Holiday work parties are a license for employees to make asses out of themselves. Christmas Cards coming in the mail on a daily basis. Making you feel guilty that you don't ever and will never send them to anyone. So many presents to buy. That credit card you just paid off is maxed out again.
No wonder this time of year has the highest amount of suicides.
My parents made this time of year almost magical for us. New Christmas outfits (no wonder I shop as much as I do), Candlelit Church service, hearing the choir sing The Messiah, parties (only time of year my father drank), shopping, giving, snow....
My stoic, bulldog faced German father never showed much emotion until Christmas. He never had much growing up. His family stole food from peoples gardens to eat. He lost his mother and father at an early age. He and his brother took care of the family. Many died from a host of diseases and/or accidents. All of this before he turned 16, lied about his age and joined the army during WWII. He never had anything growing up, so this time of year was his time to make sure his children never went without.
He'd grumble and complain two months prior about the amount of money he was spending. He complained about how much a freshly cut tree cost, yet refused to put up a fake tree in his house. House should smell like pine this time of year, he would say. He said he hated shopping, yet would disappear for hours on end and, come home with bundles of presents and spend hours in the basement wrapping and hiding the gifts. This man who wanted to let everyone know he was a such a tough cookie, was nothing but a big teddy bear.
My father passed away over ten years ago. Many holidays were ruined for me after that. My family would bring out home videos of my dad the first Christmas he was gone. I almost started hyperventilating, ran out of the house and drove around the city for hours before returning. The second year when the home movies were brought out again, I stormed out of the house and walked around in the snow for an hour. The third year was avoided by me hiding out downstairs. Away from everyone. I hated my family for putting everyone through this. For putting ME through this. The fourth year, I sat there with the rest of my family members and cried with them for the first time since his funeral. This was how they remembered him and how much he loved this time of year. We would all cry then sit around and tell funny stories about the husband, father and grandfather we all loved and missed.
Christmas is still hard. I won't deny that. I miss him more this time of year then anything. He wouldn't want me hating his favorite holiday that he made so special for us growing up. I know things aren't the same. Times change from year to year. Familys move. Friends come and go.
Now I have a partner to share this all with.
But if you think I don't feel his presence hanging over my shoulder this time of year....well, then you're wrong.
So if I seem overly cheery you can blame my Father. He made me this way.
Don't let the holiday season ruin you.
One more Christmas Party put out to pasture. Twenty percent more of my liver completely shot to hell. I keep thinking that I'm finished. No more drinking for a while. Then I remember we have New Years coming in a few weeks. Dale and Lanny had a party for their friends and family which ended up totaling around 45 people from what I could tell. Hard to count when you're drunk.
The amount of food was almost laughable. I think I counted 15 different kinds of dips and chips alone. Cookies and pastries, shrimp, ribs, baked beans and other non-traditional goodies. Baked beans and alcohol at a Christmas party doesn't mix, let me tell you.
I freaked out every time I turned the corner and saw the image below, hanging on the wall. I'm very anti-hunting and looking into Bambi's eyes all night long was enough to make me start drinking. Who am I kidding? Like I needed an excuse.
I found out after a while, that I had taken many pics of Me with her, Me with him, Me with that couple, Me with Santa, Me with pretty much everyone at the party. I think I have a problem. I did have the prettiest, gayest and SHINIEST shirt there. Here's "Me with a drag queen" that I swore was a real woman when I first met Kiona. Then again I was drunk both times. I wanted to feel her boobs just to make sure. Then in a very low voice he told me to call him sometime. Oops!
Oh look!! More alcohol!
After two days of recovery and many movies, I'm back up to speed. Trying to finish my Christmas shopping, but having a hard time getting motivated. Every time I hit the mall, I end up finding something for me instead. Brian is still in California this week. He suffered through the weekend by hanging out in the local gayborhood, making some friends and visiting a leather bar for the weekly beer bust.
Isn't there a law where boyfriends can't have a good time while they're away?
To see all the pics from the evening, click here and choose Dale and Lanny's Xmas Party Album.
"Why don't you take a frosted fuck off the tip of my dick?"
"How do you fund this operation?" "Oh, I date lots of older men."
"We call ourselves the Nightstalkers. We were gonna go with the Care Bears but it was already taken."
"What will you do if we defeat all the vampires? I can’t picture you teaching ‘ka-ra-te’ at the local Y."
"I ate a lot of garlic and I just farted. It’s silent but deadly."
Yes, those are actual quotes from the movie Blade: Trinity.
Combine lines like that, along with a vampire pomeranian (you read that right), vampire feeding farms, lots of explosions, weapons of vampire destruction and Blades horrible hair.
The only redeeming quality of this movie was seeing Ryan Reynolds in all his half nakedness glory (even a pubic hair shot)and Dominic Purcell as the infamous Dracula, aka Drake. Yes, they call him Drake for shits and grins. Seems he's so 21st century now. I'm still trying to get over Parker Posey's role. Her hair alone is enough to frighten you.
I honestly think the movie was suppose to be serious with a few one liners for comedy relief. Not a venue for laughing at Parkers hair. Thank goodness there's enough masturbating fodder given to us from Ryan and Dominic, otherwise I would have had to ask for my money back.
Wait, I didn't pay for the movie. My friend paid my way.
Nevermind, the movie was fucking AWESOME!
Finally, an evening where I could just relax, have some dinner, do a couple loads of laundry and watch TV. The holiday season tends to keep us busy many nights of the week. Doesn't help when you're out at a bar drinking martini's. Last night was needed and I'm hoping to have a repeat performance tonight. I'll even have the entire apartment to myself tonight. I can run around nekkid if I so desire!
Inbetween chatting with Brian and doing laundry, I watched a two hour episode of Smallville on the WB. Not only is Clark Kent and Lex Luther so dreamy to look at, the show is actually quite good. Last night episode was where Clark's real father steals him away for three months to be reborn and start his "crusade". He comes back not knowing about his previous life and has to have his earth mother bring him back so to speak with black kryptonite. He also comes back with many new powers, including the ability to fly.
I'm sure most of us as a child, tied a red towel around our neck and pretended to fly or tried to jump off the roof of our house with cardboard wings. Ok, maybe the last one was just me. I'm sure many of us also purchased the X-Ray vision glasses that were advertised on the back of comic books, right next the to Sea Horses. Only to be sadly disappointed when we couldn't look through the boys clothes while in the locker room. Ok, maybe that was just me too.
Even as an adult, I sat there watching Smallville thinking it would be so amazing to have a super power. I know that often I live in my own little fantasy world and having an over active imagination doesn't help. My mind starts racing. If I could have one super power, what would it be?
There's a few that come to mind:
The ability to Heal. The only non-selfish super power to heal myself (is that selfish?) and others of any sort of disease.
The ability to Read Minds. Wouldn't life just be a hell of a lot easier if we understood everyones reasoning and motivation? Are they telling the truth? Did Scott Peterson kill his wife Lacy? Is that person across the bar interested in us? Or would this cause more problems then good?
These are only two of many super powers that floated around my head last night as I lusted after Lex Luther, lying there in the hospital bed half naked. Boy, I need my boyfriend home.
Hmmmm, the power to turn anyone Gay? Vin Diesel comes to mind....
If you could have a super power which one would it be?
Black Martini
2oz. Vodka
1oz. Chambord
Shake in cracked ice, strain, and pour.
Top with a lemon twist.
For a less sweeter martini cut Chambord in half.
I do declare. These ARE of the devil. It's like drinking liquid candy. It doesn't help when you're bartender is making another one when you've only sipped half of the one sitting in front of you. My bartenders must be of the devil too. It's a conspiracy I tell you. They're out to get me.
So pardon me for not having much to say. My mind is a fuzzy, jumbled, incoherent mess. My veins are running thick with the sweet nectar of the gods that we call Chambord.
Everyone please go on about your business. Please tiptoe quietly and keep your voice down.
Ignore the man sleeping at his desk.
To hell with other awards.
Everywhere you look there seems to be some "best of" list for 2004 coming out. Why not do one of my own? I'm not able to list everyone on my blogroll. I do have a life you know. Here's just a handful of the best of.....well, whatever. All done in fun.
**
Best Blog for seeing pictures of naked men and wonder if he's ever slept with any of his models....Archerr.
Best blog for looking at pretty pictures, funny or thought provoking words, twirling and zippy graphics and the occasional penis if you're lucky....1000 words and more.
Best Blog Uncle to up and leave you for another country....Bobzyeruncle.
Best Blog to make you it mix with mayonaise, relish and spread between two pieces of bread AND the best blog to learn about sex with her husband.....Tunagirl.
Best Blog that's udderly hilarious and sometimes very moooving.....'Til the cows come home.
Best Blog based on an appliance that doesn't run on batteries and resides in your nightstand.....Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven.
Best Blog who's owner LOVES to show his pee pee.....The Corky.
Best Blog to masturbate to while reading ferociously....Geekslut.
Best Blog that's trying to become the next Geekslut wannabe....Sex and the Country.
Best Blog for various rants on a soapbox.....Palochi.
Best Blog for learning about new music and the occasional new dirty word......Hello My Name is Sam.
Best Blog for getting distracted from what he writes and instead staring at his pictures......V-hold.
Best Blog that's meat free, except for what's between his legs......Homer's World.
Best Blog to cause a Furrball.....Jimbo.
Best Blog that's the closest thing to a religious experience...JoeMyGod.
Best Blog for cartoons involving peeing and other potty humor.....Watersea's Ocean Bloggie.
Best Blog who's owner should become a porn star....Wet Dreaming.
Best Blog to make you pee your pants because of laughing.....The Traveling Spotlight.
Best Blog with a squeaky clean name, yet a not so squeaky clean content due to the amount he talks about his crotch.....Ajax in the City.
Best Blog for the most entries on any given day.....Andymatic.
Best Blog for fewest entries on any given MONTH.....BigMickeyStyle.
Best Blog to find inner peace and bodacious ta ta's.....Zenchick.
Best Blog for shaking your tail feather......Go Go Boy Diary.
Best Blog for Registered Trademarks......Cheap Blue Guitar.
Best Blog to make you want to play sports or at least sleep with a rugby player......Crash and Byrne.
Best Blog to make you say, "that's some good writing, Eh?!"....Dantallions Canon.
Best Blog to make you want to do a shot of vodka, followed by a xanax....Medosin.
Best Blog from a country boy who wants to be a city boy......Mezzanine.
Best Blog with the most muscles.....Roblog.
Best Blog to make you want to put on a hula skirt....The High Priestess.
Best Blog for a hodgepodge of everything from Agatha Christie like stories, tales of sailing the high seas, karate moves, conversations with friends and drinking......Ryanstask.
Best Blog for getting fellow bloggers to tell dirty secrets about themselves (He stopped asking once he got to me).....Sardonic Bomb.
And in prevention of a blogger suicide:
Best Blog that's the evil twin of my favorite toy in the 80's My Pretty Pony goes to........Ugly Pony.
Let's see how much I can cram into one entry.
After picking up Brian at the airport, rushing home to get ready, then picking up a friend, we headed out to Midlothian Texas (which is Texas speak for, "middle of fucking nowhere) for some guys Christmas Party. It was an odd mixture of Homo's, faghags and local straight redneck good ol' boys and their girlfriends. At times it was pretty surreal. I didn't know a soul, so I become quite nervous. I tend to be a wall flower in these situations and want to drink as much red wine as possible. Which is exactly what I did. Fearing the entire time that the muppet on crack would rear it's ugly head (oh and thanks to Zenchick for naming me that. It's in regards to what I act like after a few alcoholic beverages. It seems Brian has a new pet name for me now and uses it frequently).
Brian knew pretty much everyone, so I was his shadow for most of the evening until I relaxed a bit. It ended up a pretty good evening. The funniest part, was having this "straight boy" who spent the evening defending his heterosexuality to every queer that was there. Although he looked, acted and dressed like a pro. He kept telling Brian and I how much he loved us, showered us with constant hugs and suggested he bring over a large variety of wine to our apartment some night and "get to know each other". All of this was going on while at the same time, he was obviously trying to get in the panties of two girls at the party.
Bless his heart.
Saturday, my manager called me and asked if I would like his tickets to see Cirque Du Soleil's performance of Varekai, showing that night at 8pm. Hell yeah! Don't have to ask me twice. I've seen numerous shows and have been dying to see the latest one. Each show still amazes me. It's a feast for the eyes and ears. If given the chance, do NOT pass up the opportunity to catch a performance. You won't regret it. I promise.
I can't tell you how nice it is to get all dolled up for a night out on the town. Enjoy a nice dinner and a show. We honestly should do it more often. We plan on having a nice dinner at the posh Nana Grill this month for Christmas and next month, heading to Ft. Worth for a night out at the Opera. Hey, it's not New York, but we do what we can.
I found out late Sunday, that Scissor Sisters are FINALLY coming to Dallas and performing at the Gypsy Tea Room. I freaked when I read that it is this coming Tuesday night. You think I would be able to find someone to go with me to the concert. No one is interested. Fuckers. I'll go by myself if I have too. Anyone in Dallas wanting to go, the cost is only fifteen bucks! That's a steal! I promise to show you a good time. Ok, not THAT good of a time, but you know what I mean. If their biggest fan Victor was in town, I'd be sure to drag his handsome butt out with me.
Only other news are the plans we've decided to make for a trip to NYC next year the weekend of May 7th for approximately 5 days. It will be our year anniversary. Feels more like 10 right? More will be planned in January. Once plane tickets are bought and more definate plans are made, y'all will be the first to know.
The theme? "When Texans Take Manhattan!!"
***First off, if you haven't had a chance to read a Blogger Murder Mystery over at Ryan's, please do so NOW. Damn, I'm one pissy, bossy, controlling bitch who's obsessed with my boyfriend. I love it!***
Wow, I'm going to start using y'all as my Doctor from now on. I'll let you know when I need a prostate exam. Thanks for everyones suggestions. Mouth is starting to feel better. Good timing, since I pick up Brian tonight at the airport. Many things on my mind, work is busy as Hades, so instead I give you these........
I'm going to whine for a moment. Not like I've ever done that here, so bear with me. *ahem*
Have you ever had a canker sore in your mouth? That small dot of pain anywhere on the inside of your mouth that can cause such extreme pain and irritation. I've been prone to these little fuckers ever since I was little. Ever so often one or two would pop up, I would go to the dentist and he would do something to them with Silver Nitrate sticks and basically singe/burn/coderize them which immediately took away the pain (believe it or not) and started the healing process. It seems Dentist don't use this practice anymore.
They're just something I've gotten use to getting ever so often my whole life. I started getting a sore throat last week. A few days ago, I realized it wasn't a sore throat, but approximately 20 of those little shits throughout my mouth. Have you ever tried eating with those covering your tongue, lips and gums? It's literally impossible. I swear there's times where I have drool running out of my mouth. I'm so pretty.
Have you ever tried talking with that many in your mouth? I sound like I'm constantly drunk. Slurring every word that comes out.
The thoughts of putting a penis in my mouth.....well, makes my skin crawl. Damn, I never thought I'd ever hear those words being uttered from my lips.
I'm such a walking contradiction. One part of me wants to be pampered when I feel this way, and the other part of me just wants to be left the hell alone. Everyone keeps asking me what's wrong here at work since I've hardly uttered 10 words the past 3 days. For those that know me, this is a rare thing. You usually can't get me to shut up.
I've tried gargling with saltwater and/or peroxide. I've taken Lysine pills and a host of other things suggested by my doctor. They say they are often stress related. I'm not stressed out at all. I've never felt more happy, content and calm in my entire life. I've not had a change in my diet. I still eat the most unhealthy crap.
Anyone out there have a miracle cure?
Monday night I was bored to tears. I couldn't force myself to sit and watch another episode of The Swan. They honestly need to get a new team of plastic surgeons. Each woman looks exactly the same, with a different hair color and style. Plus I wasn't in the mood to get all weepy. It's sad that the three top shows on TV to make me bawl like a baby are The Swan, Extreme Home Makeover and Extreme Makeover.
So instead, I decided to go see the movie Alexander. We all know the controversy surrounding this film of it's portrayal of the bisexual Alexander the Great. First off, any movie involving bisexuality and Colin Farrell is reason enough to shell out 8 bucks for a movie. Even if the reviews have been coming in bad. Like I'm there for an Oscar winning performance anyway. I want to see man on man action from men in skirts! I had read that the whole bisexuality issue of Alexander was going to be cut or the issue would only be touched on.
Brian joked with me before I left for the theater, not to pull a Pee Wee Herman while watching all this Greek love on the big screen. You know what I mean. Masturbating while shoving your face full of Jujubee's and Popcorn.
The movie was like watching a 3 hour (yes that's right, 3 fucking hours) PBS documentary special on the life and times of Alexander the Great. The movie was stunning to look at. Amazing sets. Beautiful men. Bloodiest war scenes ever filmed.
Were was the man on man action? The opening scene in the movie starts with young Alexander, his boyhood friend Hephaistion (later to be his lover) and other students talking about Achilles and his love Patroclus with their teacher. A quote from Plato's Symposium "...And great was the reward of the true love of Achilles towards his lover Patroclus - his lover and not his love..." He goes on to talk about the love between two men being greater then any other kind of love and what kind of bonds men create with each other because of this unique love for each other.
Wow. They didn't waste anytime did they? They never once kissed. They hugged a lot. They got all weepy and teary eyed while looking at each other. You could see the urge to kiss, but they don't. It was frustrating as hell. Finally at one point during a feast, the crowd eggs Alexander to kiss the slaveboy who's been lusting after him for months. After an erotic dance he performs with another man in front of him, Alexander gets up and plants one on the boy. The only fucking kiss isn't between the two lovers at all. It's the nelly little slaveboy who wore way too much make up and looked like what we today would call a Twink.
I did have to say that the love that was shown between the two men was in my eyes, quite touching. Especially towards the end. And yes, Colins last scene with his lover made me cry dammit.
Thank God that there was one gratuitous butt and package shot. At one point, Alexander sees the slaveboy across the room. He drops his robe. There in all its glory is Colin's butt and family jewels hanging there for the world to see as he climbs into bed, beckoning his boy to come over.
My eight dollars was worth it.
Of course, at that moment I remembered what Brian said about pulling a Pee Wee Herman. I actually giggled outloud. I could never do that. I have given someone head in a theater once, but that's it.
Just for shits and grins....
Where's the strangest, oddest, most bizarre place you've ever masturbated?? Come on, lets all share.
