Driving to work with a Beatles styled wig, black eyebrows and goatee with makeup and a flamboyant shirt, makes for some strange looks from people. What sucked was that I had to get gas this morning and all the blue collar workers were there filling up and getting their coffee and donuts. I could have crawled under my car.
Yes today is our Halloween Celebration here at work. Our theme is The Olympics. Our area is decorated with flags from around the world, Olympic Torch, Olympic Rings and Podiums. We have a runner, boxer, bowler, equestrian, tennis, snow ski, gymnist and of course me....The Flamboyant Ice Skater named Bryan Boy-wanna-do.
My costume is a hit.
Now I just have to sit here waiting for judging to happen around 10am. My wig is driving me crazy. My makeup is itching. My sequined shirt weighs 40 pounds. I'm dreading having to use the restroom. I'm sure I'll clear the place out the minute I walk in.
Don't worry. Pictures will be posted along with our Street Party in the gayborhood this weekend at some point.
I wish everyone a SAFE and HAPPY Halloween and don't take candy from strangers.
After almost 12 years, I still get nervous when I go visit the doctor. You would think that having to go 4 times a year for regular checkups, blood workups, testing, problems and hospital visits that I would have gotten use to it. Even though I feel great and I can read my body well enough to know things are alright, waiting to hear how my counts are causes a knot in the pit of my stomach each and every time.
Everything turned out fine. T-cells were up to 1075 and viral load down to 130. For those who do not know, the easiest way to explain it is the higher the tcell and the lower the viral load, the better.
I'm staying consistant.
I'm also up to 163 pounds. This time last year I was 132 pounds. Hard to believe, but I was. So he was very pleased with those results.
For all of this, I'm very happy and relieved. Sometimes with the good, comes the bad.
He wasn't so pleased with my triglyceride and cholesterol levels. Cholesterol was 275 and Tri's were 1500. He immediately jumped up, ran to his closet of drugs and handed me a garbage bag (I kid you not) full of meds for each. Four months worth! I heart my Doctor. He told me it would make him look bad that after treating me for HIV for 9 years here in Dallas, that I die of a heart attack. He couldn't have that. I had to agree. He's got a quirky sense of humor.
No male in my family has lived past the age of 65. All due to heart problems. My father, my uncles and my cousins. I think I MIGHT have one cousin left on my fathers side of the family. My brothers both have Angina and high cholesterol problems. I'm following in the family footsteps, so he finally decided we should do something to prevent it. My levels have been high for the past year but he wanted to make sure it wasn't my medication causing it. It seems I'm the one causing it.
I'm not thrilled about having to take more medications each day for God knows how long. I'll bitch and moan about it for a while of course. I wouldn't be me if I didn't. Then he mentions that I should probably watch my diet. Diet? DIET??!! I'm gaining weight BECAUSE of my all-you-can-eat-diet. Now I have to watch my in take of fatty and fried foods? I'm alive today because of fatty and fried foods. They're my friends! They were helping me to gain that belly I've always dreamed of!
*sigh*
Isn't there a shot I can get instead to make everything go away?
Swear to God I'm craving a Big Mac and French Fries.
Perverts. I'm not talking about another trip to the Airport. I'm talking about sleepwalking.
I had a severe problem with this when I was growing up. Our family doctor said that it's usually triggered by something extremely stressful or traumatic. For a youngster, something stressful or traumatic could mean my first day of school, a piano recital, an exam/test or a bully waiting for me on the playground the next day at school. What's stressful for a child is not the same for an adult. I was a child that developed ulcers at an early age. I worried about everything.
I guess in many ways, this child hasn't grown up.
Normally, I could only remember small bits and pieces of my sleepwalking adventures. I would remember them as a dream. The next morning my mother would tell me what I did. On rare occasions was I completely unaware that I walked in my sleep the night before. I sort of had a "feeling" that I had. This happened so frequently that I wasn't allowed to sleep over at other kids houses, no slumber parties and never could go to camp during the summer.
My mother found me early one morning fast asleep under a rose bush in our front yard all curled up. It was 40 degrees outside.
My parents panicked late one night when I wasn't in my bed. They found me walking the alley behind our house.
One morning my father got ready for work, walked out to the car and low and behold, I was sitting in the drivers seat. With the car keys. I was ready to "go for a ride". This scenario happened more then my parents would have liked to happen.
I was found on neighbors front porches.
The first time I was allowed to go to Kids Camp with our church group, ended very quickly. I was found walking towards the swimming pool, ready to go for a late night swim.
My parents had to lock the front and back doors along with blocking it with furniture. They had to hide our house and car keys. I was known for searching and finding keys to open locks, move furniture and behave as if I was completely awake.
By the time I was 16 years old, I had finally outgrown my sleepwalking. I hadn't done it since then. As an adult, I must have learned to deal with stressful or traumatic events. Who knows.
Last night I vaguely remember jumping straight up out of bed to try and "find the voices". I remember walking around my room searching for where these mysterious voices were coming from. I got frustrated. They couldn't be found. I woke up in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. I tried to clear my head, go to the bathroom and head back to bed. I remember waking up about an hour later, looking for voices again. It kind of freaked me out that it had happened for the first time in almost 23 years.
Yesterday I DID have something quite stressful happen, but I can hardly believe it triggered sleepwalking. I really don't want to start reliving this part of my past.
I had better go out and buy Brian a short leash.
(UPDATE: mark@zeitzeuge.org works again!)
Until my host-server-dude-guy contacts me about my problem with my mark@zeitzeuge.org email address problems, please use zeitzeuge_org@yahoo.com
Groovy
Thanks
After 3 hours of running around Dallas, the majority of my Halloween shopping is complete. Our department is doing the Olympic theme, so I'm coming as a flamboyant gay ice skater. My shirt will have so much fringe, sequins and glittery things. It's a bedazzlers dream come true. My costume for our street party in the hood? Lets just say MY part of the costume has to do with being a Priest. I'll let you figure out what Brian is going as.
Passing numerous Haunted Houses as we drove around town, made me take a trip down memory lane:
*
Running out of a haunted house, dragging my girlfriend behind me as fast as I could. We both fell into a fake graveyard and I busted my ankle. The entire time I was screaming like a little girl.
*
Standing with friends in a dark hallway at a local haunted house. While we waited in the dark, a trap door opened up beneath our feet and we fell to the next level. I was knocked unconscious.
*
I was grabbed around the ankles while walking through a haunted house. I think I was about 16 years old. I started thrashing. I was removed from the haunted house for kicking the guy in the face and chipping a tooth. He shouldn't have grabbed me.
*
I was on a haunted hayrack ride in college. Typical in the midwest. I remember being scared shitless so bad, that I jumped off the wagon and ran back to the beginning and waited. My girlfriend was highly embarrassed.
*
I remember going through a haunted house in Kansas City with a bunch of friends. Seems I hadn't learned my lesson yet. My best friend woke up the next morning covered with black and blue bruises all over his arms. It seems I held on too tight.
*
The last haunted house I went to? I had my eyes closed the entire time so I don't remember anything.
Have I mentioned that I absolutely despise haunted houses?
One a more serious note:
Saturday afternoon, my friends and I headed out for Early Voting. We didn't want to have to deal with traffic and long lines on November 2nd. Locate the early voting places in your local community if they're available. Please take the time and GO VOTE! It's not important at this point WHO you vote for, but the fact that you VOTE period. This election is one of the most important elections in years. Early voting ends on October 29th at 7pm.
Please take the time and vote early if you can or vote on November 2nd!
EVERY VOTE COUNTS!
If not? You have no reason to bitch about anything the next four years.
Remember the purity question list I answered last week? If not, just scroll down. I'm too lazy to give you a link. Why am I lazy you might ask? Well, I've just added another place I've had sex to that list.
Let me just say that the top level of parking at Terminal C, near the exit to gate C11 has new meaning for me. DFW Airport will never be the same.
Rules to know when having sex in between your boyfriends flights:
Rule #1: Do not make eye contact with the woman who has black mascara running down her face. When she sees you walk past her with your boyfriends head resting on your shoulder as you walk out of the airport, she will only start crying again and say in her most pathetic voice, "Ohhhhhhh, but you both look so happy!" This only produces more tears for the poor woman.
Rule #2: Have a talk with the car designers at Ford. They do NOT make cars that are well equipped for having sex in the backseat. Either that or buy a full sized sedan next time.
Rule #3: Before turning off the car, remember to roll down the windows before getting all hot, sweaty and contorted in the backseat. It reminded me of the first time I was doing Bikram (hotbox) Yoga. I swear that blowjob cost me 3 pounds in water weight alone.
Rule #4: The entire experience can be enhanced with the right type music. I personally recommend vintage Donna Summer. She rocked! Only thing we lacked was a disco ball.
Rule #5: Even if you have a stuffy headed cold complete with runny nose, you haven't seen your boyfriend in almost week and he only has 45 minutes in between flights, you WILL be putting out no matter what.
Rule #6: Remember to keep both eyes closed while giving a blowjob. Keeping your one eye open and on the lookout because you're paranoid, will only result in putting an eye out. It's dangerous I tell you. Dangerous. Make HIM keep a watchful eye for any approaching vehicles or security.
Rule #7: Remember since he IS watching for you both, that you need not jump straight up every time you hear something. It makes finishing sex difficult with all the stopping and starting. Trust is the key.
Rule #8: Remember to look for video cameras before starting any sort of lewd behavior.
Rule #9: Remember to wear extra long shirts to cover up any sort of "mishaps" in the crotch area. Makes for boarding a plane slightly embarrassing.
Rule #10: Remember to bask in the glow of feeling like a teenager again.
You only live once.
I hope he doesn't mind me talking about something here.
A little while back, Brian and I started talking about IF we ever moved in together. We invisioned what it would be like, where we would live, what we would buy. This became a frequent conversation. Both our eyes light up thinking of the possibilities.
Only once during the past 6 months (yes it has almost been that long) did Brian get cold feet. Bless his heart, he reacted just like we all would when we really start thinking about something for real. You see, our talk about moving in together was becoming more and more serious. It was becoming a reality. We had a VERY long discussion when he started having doubts and ever since then, when I talked about the subject, I would say, "IF we ever were to move in together, blah blah blah....." It became kind of an ongoing joke between us.
His lease is up February 1st. Technically, our lease is up. We're just paying month to month. This is a huge step for him and for me. We've decided, if all things go well and we haven't half killed each other by that point, we're moving in with each other February 1st. Nothing is set in stone of course, but that is our goal. A goal I'm sure we'll have no problem achieving. Many might say it seems too soon. November 7th will be 6 months. February will be 9 months. When you practically are already living together, you might as well make it official.
We've both realized how much we care and love each other. He recently looked over at me during our last road trip and said, "I see us growing old togther."
Nothing could melt my heart more.
Why bring up this subject today?
Last night, our duplexmates called us up in a slight panic. Ok, ONE of the neighbors was in a panic. I'm sure the other one was very calm, collected and handling the situation with ease. Water was soaking the living room and den areas downstairs. Water could be found leaking in the front and back yards. Our duplex has been shifting and moving for two years. Cracks can be seen in the outside brick walls. You look throughout our rooms and you can see cracks and seams splitting apart. Our house is moving more then the funhouse at the state fair. Our landlord has been told on numerous occasions that the foundation needs to be fixed before the house comes crashing down upon us. He doesn't ever seem to give a shit.
I guess he ignored us for too long. The pipes located in the foundation have busted next door. I smell dollar signs, don't you? Big ones.
Maybe I'll grab some clothes and just stay at Brians for the next week. It's a good excuse, right? Especially if they have our living room floors all busted up trying to make repairs.
Seems we ALL might be getting out of the duplex if things don't improve. The era of the duplex will be coming to a close within the next few months.
Good times have been had by all.
Stolen from Him. Fine, so I DID answer Yes to a few you said NO to.
This is the information you get from me when I have nothing in this empty head of mine.
*
HAD SEX?: yes, you think I'm a virgin?
HAD ORAL SEX?: yes, LOVE it!
USED MORE THAN 3 POSITIONS DURING SEX?: There's more then one?!! yes
DEVOTED A WHOLE DAY TO SEX?: I'm lucky to get through 1 hour at my age
HAD NOISE COMPLAINTS FROM NEIGHBORS DURING A SEX SESSION?: yes, roommate had to go next door to hang out while we finished.
RECEIVED OPEN PRAISE FOR SEXUAL TECHNIQUE?: yes, ask Brian.
FALLEN OR LOST BALANCE DURING SEX?: yes, helps when you're drunk.
BROUGHT YOUR PARTNER TO CLIMAX USING ONLY HANDS?: yes
BROUGHT YOUR PARTNER TO CLIMAX USING ONLY MOUTH?: yes
HAD SEX WHILE TOTALLY DRESSED?: yes
HAD SEX STANDING UP?: yes, was difficult since he was 7 inches shorter in height then me.
EROTICALLY LICKED FEET OR SUCKED TOES?: that's just gross, NO! Hate having mine even touched!
HAD SEX DURING YOUR “MONTHLY VISIT”?: You mean when mother comes to visit for the weekend?
USED WHIPPED CREAM/SOFT CHOCOLATE EROTICALLY?: no
USED ICE EROTICALLY?: yes while giving a blowjob, called a Frosty.
USED HOT MELTED WAX EROTICALLY?: no, have you SEEN how hairy I am?
SHAVED YOUR PUBIC HAIR?: yes, and NEVER again...itched for months.
USED A SEX TOY?: yes
USED A VIBRATOR?: no, couldn't find any batteries
OBTAINED MONEY OR A FAVOR FOR SEX?: uh......ok yes *ducks*
PAID OR GRANTED A FAVOR FOR SEX?: no
GIVEN SEX IN SYMPATHY?: unfortunately, yes
HAD SEX WITH A VIRGIN?: yes, numerous
EVER CHEATED ON SOMEONE?: yes, long time ago.
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE 10 YEARS OLDER/YOUNGER THAN YOU?: yes, would you like to meet my current boyfriend Brian?
HAD SEX WITH YOUR LANDLORD?: Dear God.........yes, how do you think we got our rent so cheap?
HAD SEX WITH A TEACHER?: no, but fantacized about it
HAD SEX WITH A BOSS?: no
HAD SEX WITH A RELATIVE?: ewww! no
HAD SEX WITH TWO MEMBERS OF THE SAME FAMILY?: yes, but not at the same time.
HAD SEX WITH TWINS?: no, but watched them in our highschool showers.
HAD SEX WITH A PET?: Who wrote this fucking list??!! eewwwww! NO!
HAD SEX WITH A FARM ANIMAL?: See previous answer!
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE THE SAME DAY THAT YOU MET THEM?: yes, how about hte same HOUR that I met them?
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE WHOSE NAME YOU DIDN’T KNOW?: yes
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU NEVER SPOKE TO/SPOKE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?: yes
HAD MORE THAN 10 SEXUAL PARTNERS?: yes
HAD MORE THAN 100 SEXUAL PARTNERS?: uh, yes
HAD TWO SEPARATE SEXUAL PARTNERS WITHIN 24 HOURS?: yes
HAD A MENAGE-A-TROIS?: yes
HAD GROUP SEX (MORE THAN 3)?: yes, sheesh I'm sounding like a whore.
PARTICIPATED IN A SWAP/SWINGING CLUB?: no, never learned how to swing dance. Oh you mean THAT kind of swinging. no.
HAD TWO REGULAR PARTNERS AT THE SAME TIME?: yes
HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?: yes
IF SO, WHERE?: elevator, the woods, parking lot
HAD SEX OUTDOORS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?: yes
HAD SEX ON THE ROOF OF A BUILDING?: no, friend got caught by police helicopters once, so I never dared to try it.
HAD SEX IN A STATIONARY CAR?: yes
HAD SEX IN A MOVING CAR?: yes, he couldn't keep a consistant speed either.
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE MILE HIGH CLUB?: give me time
HAD SEX OUTDOORS AT NIGHT?: yes, and my ass looked like a relief map due to so many mosquito bites.
HAD TWO SEXUAL PARTNERS AT THE SAME TIME UNAWARE OF EACH OTHER?: uh, no....this sounds like too much work.
HAD SEX IN THE HOSTS BEDROOM WHILE A DAY GUEST (PARTY/SOCIAL VISIT)?: yes
HAD SEX IN THE HOSTS BEDROOM WHILE AN OVERNIGHT GUEST?: uh, yes
HAD SEX IN PUBLIC ROOM WHILE AN OVERNIGHT GUEST (KITCHEN, ETC)?: no. this is getting complicated. Had to re-read it 3 times.
HAD SEX AT YOUR OFFICE OR OTHER WORK AREA?: yes
MET PARTNER DURING WORK HOURS TO HAVE SEX?: yes, lunch quickies are the best....when you have time.
HAD SEX IN PUBLIC RESTROOM?: yes
HAD SEX ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION?: no
HAD SEX IN A DARK THEATRE?: yes
HAD SEX IN THE WATER?: yes, saltwater burns.
HAD SEX IN AN ELEVATOR?: yes
HAD SEX IN A CEMETERY?: no, they creep me out
HAD SEX IN A STORE DRESSING ROOM?: does a blowjob count?...then, yes.
USED ALCOHOL TO LOWER RESISTANCE TO SEXUAL ADVANCES?: no, but sure as hell lowers mine!
ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE FELT UP BY A STRANGER?: yes are you kidding!
LOOKED AT A NUDE MAGAZINE?: They're of the devil, no. Ok, yes.
LOOKED AT AN EXPLICIT MAGAZINE (ACTUAL SEX ACTS)?: yes
SEEN A LIVE STRIPPER?: yes, male and female.
SEEN A LIVE SEX SHOW?: no, but thinks it would be FUN
WATCHED SOMEONE HAVING SEX WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE?: sadly, no
SHOWERED WITH A PARTNER?: yes, every morning he's home.
FLASHED SOMEONE (BREASTS, GENITAL, MOONED)?: yes, oh GOD yes, many MANY times.
STREAKED WITH A GROUP OF SIX OR MORE?: no
STRIPPED FOR SOMEONE?: no, just get nekkid and get down to business.
STRIPPED FOR A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE?: no
PARTICIPATED AT A NUDE BEACH OR NUDIST CAMP?: yes, no. Was at a nude beach but didn't participate.
BEEN THE ONLY NUDE PERSON IN A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE?: yes. First one to undress at a pool party on numerous occasions.
PLAYED STRIP POKER (OR A SIMILAR GAME INVOLVING NUDITY)?: yes. I can't play cards so I'm usually naked first.
SHOWERED WHILE SOMEONE WATCHED?: yes
MASTURBATED?: yes, are you kidding me? Want to know how many times?
MASTURBATED WHILE SOMEONE WATCHED?: yes
MASTURBATED FOR A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE PEOPLE?: no, yes....no.
MASTURBATED COVERTLY IN PUBLIC?: no
HAD SEX WHILE YOU KNEW SOMEONE WAS WATCHING?: no not to my knowledge
BEEN WALKED IN ON WHILE HAVING SEX?: yes
WALKED IN ON SOMEONE HAVING SEX?: yes, an ex boyfriend.
HAD PHONE SEX?: yes, Yes, YES!
WATCHED A PORN VIDEO WITH A SEXUAL PARTNER?: yes
BEEN THE PHOTOGRAPHER FOR A NUDE PHOTO?: no, never seem to have a camera handy
BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED NUDE?: yes
BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED HAVING SEX?: no
BEEN VIDEOTAPED HAVING SEX?: no, not to my knowledge
WATCHED A REGULAR SEXUAL PARTNER HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE?: yes, and hated it.
ROLE PLAYED A SEXUAL SITUATION?: yes, I was little bo peep and....
TAKEN PART IN TRANSVESTISM?: uh, no
USED A BLINDFOLD DURING SEX?: yes
USED HANDCUFFS DURING SEX?: yes, my dad was a Cop are you kidding me?
INFLICTED PAIN DURING SEX?: not intentionally
RECEIVED PAIN DURING SEX?: yes, but it wasn't intentional
*
I bet you money Brian's taking notes. He's going to have this blackmail list to use against me when I say no to something or say I haven't tried something yet.
Please, like I'd say no to him.
Entries are going to be short and sweet around here for a week. We have the glorious state of *instert state here* come in and want to do a state audit of our files. Normally they send in some nerdy man, wearing a 1970's leisure suit with bad breath sit and big us to death for a week or so. They usually only look at 100 files total. Not this time. The fabulous stae of *insert state here* has an issue with us I guess. We have to pull close to 500 files, pull out specific documents, copy them, put them in numerical order and ship them off to the incredible state of *insert state here* by middle of next week.
I almost fell out of my chair when my boss said we could have overtime. You would think the money comes out of HER pocket. Be thinking of me while I'm working my fingers to the bone this week and part of next. I might not answer your IM's much, respond to comments or read many blogs during the day.
I know y'all will miss me, but please try to go on about your business as usual. I know it will be tough. Just try to be strong.
For me....
*hands you a tissue*
But before I get back to the sweatshop, did anyone see the TBS show last night called He's a Lady!???? I'm addicted. A bunch of masculine men forced to dress and act like a lady for 3 weeks. The prize? 250,000 buckaroonies! If you like really bad drag....this show's for you.
Crazyass straight people.....(I say that with love)
I deleted an entry which was me doing nothing but bitch and moan about work and my VP. I didn't like how I sounded. I feel better now. So I deleted it. Screw it. I can change my own rules, right?
Instead, have you heard about the new Survivor show?
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style."
The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm gay, I love the Dixie Chicks, Boycott Beef, I voted for Al Gore, George Strait Sucks, Kerry in '04, Hillary in 2008, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one who makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
*
I've added a Photo Album section on the left hand column. You'll find all the pictures from this past weekends festivities.
Enjoy!
I don't think I could have crammed more into one weekend, even if I was forced to at gunpoint.
After picking up Brian at the airport, we grabbed a bite of dinner, boinked our little hearts out, then headed to see the movie Team America. Those guys are an equal opportunity maker-funner-of-er.
We ate brunch with some friends Saturday morning before heading out with a small group to the Texas State Fair. After drooling profusely over the new car I'm hoping to buy, we stumbled upon a car that I swear to Zod (stealing from Palochi) made me cum in my pants. Thank Zod (thanks again Palochi) for handywipes. After stuffing our faces with cotton candy, pretending Brian and I were in NYC and riding one ride, we headed to the Lakewood Theater for a night of Gay Bingo! This crazy night of homo's with blotters happens once a month with money being raised for the Dallas AIDS Resource Center. Want to know how to make a room full of homo's yell Fuck!??? Just have one homo like me yell BINGO!!! Yeah I actually WON a round. Woohoo!!
Did I tell you how much we drank? Well lets just say the Muppet on Crack (credit given to Zenchick) showed up and was in rare form. Thank God my boyfriend loves me. We ended up heading the the bars to hook up with friends. Last thing I remember was putting my hand down my crotch and trying to make a friend of ours sniff my finger. Yeah. Good times....
Sunday morning we slept in. Fine, we were hungover. After apologizing over and over for the previous nights behavior, we headed out for lunch. We were both commenting on how great life was and how much we enjoyed our time together. Oh come on, I had to go all sappy on you for at least PART of this entry. Brian had the brilliant idea of going to the Ft. Worth Zoo to spend the afternoon.
Is this not the cutest picture EVER????!!!!
I couldn't believe it when I met one of the stars from The Lion King. Meet my new friend Timone. Is this not the cutest Meerkat EVER??!!!!
I'll put up complete albums for The Fair, Gay Bingo and The Zoo for all of those bored enough to check them out, within the next few days. Until then, I'll leave you with a pic of the animal I could have gazed at all day long.....
If you haven't had a chance to see the movie Team America by the creators of South Park, stop what you're doing and run to the nearest theater.
You'll laugh 'til you piss yourself.
So sayeth Zeitzeuge.
Heading to the State Fair tomorrow with friends, followed by a night at Gay Bingo Fundraiser sponsored by the AIDS Resource Center. I'll return with tons of pictures!
I don't often tell you my dreams. There are too many and they're too bizarre to write about mostly. Ever so often I have one that causes me to think about it over and over. It becomes almost impossible to get out of my mind. Last night I had one of those. These are the only times where I wish I didn't have to take a dream enhancing HIV drug called Sustiva.
I was in a small Texas town with my family. Storms were approaching and tornado's surrounded our city even though it was completely sunny outside. Tornado's seem to be a common theme in my dreams. Out of nowhere, a red tornado starts approaching. Red dirt can be found in certain parts of Texas. As it came closer, alien beings "beamed" down to our planet. It was as if the red tornado brought them I thought to myself.
I was curious about these people from the red tornado. They seem to have technology that I had never seen. As I got closer to greet them, they turned around and walked straight towards me. They told me they were here to observe and help us anyway they could. I told them I didn't want to be positive anymore. They said they could help. I figured they would have medical technology that we might not ever see.
The next part of the dream is fuzzy. What did we talk about? What did they do to me? I'm sure it had to do with some sort of anal probe. They brought me back to earth. It was unclear if I was cured or not. I wandered around my home. I tried to find my parents. I was noticing that the world around me was familiar yet quite different at the same time. I heard a voice tell me that I as on a parallel existance. I would continue to live my old existance and watch my "hiv free" existance at the same time. In other words, I wasn't cured. Myself in an alternate universe was cured. I got to watch my life as if I had made the correct decisions and see how things changed or were different. I was angry! This wasn't what I wanted!
Living this way was painful. I was confused. I felt like I couldn't clear my head. I saw my "new" self. I was shorter, stockier, bigger, heavier and more muscular. I had blonde hair. Not an ounce of hair on my chest or the rest of my body. Quite the opposite of my old existance. I had a wife and a small child.
I felt as if I was a walking zombie. I actually wanted to be HIV again and not have to live a dual life. I remember sitting at work trying to fix a cup of coffee as I watched my "new" self show up to work. I was having trouble getting the right combination of coffee, sugar and milk. My boss walks by, makes a cup half milk, half coffee with TONS of sugar.
"Sugar is the key. The sweeter the better" she said. "It makes things a hell of a lot easier to deal with. Drink this everyday"
She knew what I was going through. She was living in the same nightmare that I was.
Could I BE anymore of a nutcase? I woke up this morning, shook my head, blinked my eyes a hundred times and tried to make sense of the whole thing. I walked to the bathroom in a daze. Even a hot shower on this cold morning didn't help.
Must have been that anal probe in my dream that messed me up.
That reminds me, Brian gets home tonight.
Yipeeeee!!!
It's that time of year again. The time to start visiting vintage clothing stores, salvation army, consignment shops and costume shops in search of everything needed for the perfect costume.
As child, the only thing you worried about in Nebraska, was whether or not your costume fitted over your snowsuit. The weather usually drops to freezing that time of year and even will dump a little bit of snow on you. Here in Texas, you can walk around half naked and still be warm.
I've never been good with costumes. I made a great vampire, ghoul, zombie, etc. I remember even dressing up as Michael Jackson during the 80's. Don't ask.
Since I've gotten older I can count the number of times I've dressed up on one hand. Either my friends didn't want to dress up along with me or my excitement for Halloween has dwindled. I enjoyed hanging out in the gayborhood during our street party, checking out all the costumes, looking at all the half dressed men and wishing I HAD dressed up. This year is different.
Our department theme this year is The Olympics. We're not the most original group. We have to dress up as an olympian and decorate our own cube. I so don't have time for this. Is there a Halloween Scrooge? I've decided to dress up as an Ice Skater. Big poofy wig, makeup, rosey cheeks, flamboyant silk shirt, complete with sequins and ice skates (with the blade guards of course). I wanted to carry a blow up doll, put a dress on her and spin her above my head. Trying to explain to everyone why she had her mouth in a shape of an "O" probably wouldn't be such a good idea.
HR frowns upon that stuff. Party poopers.
Brian and I are going to be dressing up for our annual Halloween Street Party in the hood. We want to dress up as protege's of Mama and Twyla Starlett who are friends of ours. Complete with batons, twirler outfits, marching boots, bad wigs and horrible hair.
Only reason I'm writing this today, is because I realized how much time we have left to get everything ready. I'm not one to throw something together the day before. Mama taught me better then that. So I'm freaking out just a little.
Anyone have any good costume memories? What are you dressing up as this year?
My story yesterday reminded me of something I hadn't mentioned here until I was conversing with The Zenchick (aks Ms. Diva Thing) yesterday. Growing up I had a wide variety of pets.
My first pet was a parakeet. When I put him in his cage after bringing him home from the petstore, he flew around like crazy and impaled himself within minutes on a prong inside the cage which should have been bent around. I went into hysterics.
I owned two gerbils. One morning I woke up and one had actually eaten the other. I'm still not quite over that experience. I remember taking the carnivore out to an open field to let him go. I swear he tried to attack me.
I owned two hamsters. They disappeared from their cage one afternoon. Never found them. Two unidentifiable fuzzy balls were located in our heating ducts years later. CSI is still investigating.
We had a host of dogs throughout my childhood. Gidget was attacked and killed by a local dog. Sampson was fed crushed glass put in dog food by a hateful mean woman who lived next door. Mickey became blind and was found frozen in my fathers garage one morning. Punkin was killed running across the street chasing a rabbit. He was hit by a church bus full of kids.
My last dog Church, who was a Chow, was left out in 100 degree weather and died of a heat stroke. He was being cared for by friends.
Should I continue? Now I'm depressed.
(not his actual pic) One pet thrown into the mix was a skunk named Pepe. Yeah, you read that right. Original name, huh? When I was 16, my sister and I bought pet skunks from a local farmer. He had domesticated pet skunks, raccoons, chinchillas and homing pigeons. He was a small little thing when as a baby, would fit into the palm of my hand. We litter box trained him just like a cat. He ate cat food with the occasional treat of scrambled eggs. He was a gassy little shit.
Skunks can be a great pet. They can also be a little striped terror. When a stranger would come into our house, they get very protective. He would hike his butt up in the air, stick his tale straight up, bounce up and down on all fours as he backs his butt up against you. He's trying to spray, but the gland was removed at birth. It didn't keep him from trying, bless his heart. He would get so frustrated. He would eventually just start running to strangers and attacking their ankles. You would usually leave our house with scratches from Pepe.
I loved taking him to my brothers softball games. In the wild, baby skunks follow their mother in a line behind her just like you see baby ducks do with their mother. Pepe would follow me like he would his mother. Right on your heels, wherever you went. I would put him down, run ahead into a crowd of people and wait for him to chase me. The looks on peoples faces and the screams that ensued were priceless.
Did I mention that skunks are nocturnal? You had to make sure all your kitchen cabinets and closets were locked, otherwise he'd be in there tearing the place apart. We finally had to keep him in a kennel at night it got so bad. Basically, I had a pet that slept all day (unless I woke him up) and wanted to play all night.
Eventually like many wild animals, Pepe became hard to handle. They shouldn't ever be domesticated. Our local animal shelter took him in and let him run around the place. He was sort of their little mascot for a couple years. He was amazing at catching mice they said. It wasn't long before he was put to sleep after attacking too many employees. They couldn't release him back into the wild due to his defense gland being removed.
Poor thing.
I just realized I should never own a pet.
We were driving down the highway with the sun roof rolled back. Dusk was almost upon us. The vibrant hues of orange, red, yellow and pink were spread across the horizon as the sun was setting. The air had a crispness to it. There was a thunderstorm off in the distance to our left. You could smell the sweet rain and watch the electrical storm light up the sky as it grew dark. Fall was creeping its way into our lives again. It's time to break out the sweaters to protect us from Mother Nature.
Football games, state and county fairs, chili cook offs, hot chocolate, pumpkin pie, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Fall has many things in store for us to enjoy.
The leaves were starting to change. The wind was blowing ever so slightly. As we got closer to our destination, the smell of the west Texas oil fields brought back a flood of childhood memories visiting my grandmother. I remember that distinct smell waking up every morning as she was cooking breakfast in the other room.
My eyes were trying to take everything in around me. I gazed up through the sunroof to get a glimpse of the stars that only show brightly in the country. I tried to find Orion. My ears listened attentively to each and every sound. I inhaled one more time to take in the smells around me....
What the fuck was that SMELL???!!!
"Ah hell, Brian did you fart?" as I covered up my nose with my sweatshirt to prevent myself from gagging.
He was wrongly accused.
It was a skunk.
I apologized profusely.
Nothing like a dead skunk along the side of the road to put the brakes on a perfectly good moment. That, along with too much inhaling to kickstart my allergies and cause a chain of sneezes to continue throughout the weekend.
No inhaling next roadtrip.
It's been a whirlwind weekend and we're home. After two hours of laying in bed and relaxing (ok, so we didn't relax that much), I had to drive Brian to the airport so he can be in California for work Monday. I'm sure he's going to be beat when he gets there.
The pic below is taken in front of some statue at Texas Tech. They wrap the statue in crepe paper before homecoming. Or each game. I'm not sure. You know those crazy college traditions. Well Tech has a lot of them it seems.
Meeting each others parents was a huge milestone for both of us. I know each one of us were stressed out about it to some degree. Me more then him. My family is ultra religious. They know I'm gay, accept me and love me, but the gay issue just isn't discussed. Kind of the same with his family, yet he talks more openly with his mother then I do mine.
I can't tell you how much my mother and her husband LOVED Brian. Brian and moms husband hit it off great. They both were chatty cathy's just talking up a storm. Mom seemed to take to him like she would her own son. You never know how a family will react. Especially in our situation. I worried about nothing.
We spent the day walking around Lubbock and the college, waiting for the football game to start. Brian was a gracious host and showed them all over town and even bought their lunch. Only drawback was the game. We lost 70 to 10. Didn't help matters that we sat in 50 degree windy rainy weather. I don't like football that much anyway and the conditions didn't help. Can you see the look of joy in my face?
The next morning, Brian met us in Big Springs where his parents live. He had left the afternoon before to spend time with them. They are both the sweetest parents. Very gracious, down to earth, friendly and welcomed me with open arms. We spent a few hours chatting, checking out their new home, talking about his mom's crystal collection and eating some of her incredible Ham and beans with cornbread. Damn, just realized I didn't get any pics of his parents. Next time I'll make a point. We left after only a few hours and headed home. Wish I had been able to spend more time with them.
I think we both made a pretty good impression on the in-laws.
A huge weight has been lifted off of both of us. We've always said that it's about "baby steps" when it comes to our parents.
I think this weekend we took a BIG step.
I come from a home town where no one locks their homes or cars. People meet at the local Dairy Queen for gossip. Kids cruise the main drag all night chatting with friends or hanging out in a parking lot drinking Boones Farm. Everyone knew everyone. Life was simple. My dad was a policeman for most of his life. So were 3 of my uncles and 2 cousins. Once in a while, they might get a domestic squabble call. Kids caught speeding or drunk driving. Bar fights were pretty common. Once in a blue moon, you might have someone's home broken into. Hardly ever though.
When I was a sophomore in college, there came a news report that a woman was stabbed to death in the temple with an ice pick. After days of investigation, another woman was arrested for the killing. Seems the deceased was caught sleeping with the woman's husband. First murder in 60+ years.
The local news channel contacted my college in search of a courtroom artist. I was asked to take the job and quoted them 100 bucks an hour, not thinking they would agree and I would have to come down on price. One week later and 8 hours a day later.....(you do the math) I came home rich and had the experience of a lifetime. Word got around and I was asked to draw 2 other murder trials in surrounding communities. My artwork was not only plastered locally, but the larger networks in other cities used them as well.
One murder trial in particular was captivating. A man was up for the murder of a coin dealer. He strangled him with the cord of a radio. I got to meet the wife of the deceased and chat with her some. This was the third trial she had been through in the past 15 years and seemed drained. I asked politely if I could draw her. She agreed. I was greeted by both lawyers requesting specific types of drawings that they needed. The judge joked about making him look younger. Then the accused murderer turned around at one point and asked me to move to his right side and draw him from there. It was his best side he told me. I did as I was told. The man was convicted after a 3 day trial. All drawings after they were filmed, were bought by the local courthouse. From what I understand, they're still framed and hanging in the hallway. It was this small communities first murder trial.
The work was fast paced, tiresome and nerve-racking. Too bad that cameras were starting to be allowed in the courtroom later on. You hardly ever see courtroom artist used much anymore. Could have been a very lucrative career.
My one small claim to fame as a youngster.
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Last night Brian and I went to our Volunteer Class at the Resource Center. It was great to meet knew people, hear their stories and share our own. I'm excited about helping out with fundraising events, the food pantry, using my artistic abilities and most of all, becoming an addition to their "Heart to Heart" Narrator group. People who share their story about being positive with others. Couldn't think of a better way to spend our 5 month anniversary.
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Off to Lubbock to see my mother and her husband who are taking a small road trip. We're going to see a football game Saturday night. My mothers a rabid Cornhusker fan. Brian's going to be meeting them also. I'm going to be meeting his mother Sunday. Big step, huh?
Enjoy your weekend!
Mother called to tell me some interesting news going on in her neck of the woods back home. Seems that 4 armed gunmen stole a car in the eastern part of the state and made it 4 miles from my mothers farmhouse, to another small town of 1000 people. Twenty police, sherrif and state patrol cars had a shoot out in the middle of their small downtown area. Mother could see the helicopters circling from her front porch.
Somehow despite all the armed police officers, the gunmen got away. How in the hell this happened is beyond my comprehension. These men probably hunt for sport whenever they get the chance and have no problem shooting a duck in flight from 100 yards away, yet they can't hit a gunman from 20 paces.
For 8 hours, local authorities and state helicopters searched the surrounding areas. Even though the landscape is nothing but acres and acres of corn, wheat and cows, there are hundreds of places for these people to hide. Mainly, farmers sheds and barns.
You've probably gathered from previous post, that my mother is kind of a worry wort. Ok, she's spastic in her worrying. Here's our conversation last night before I went to bed.
Me: So have they found the gunmen?
Mom: No they gave up last night around 9pm because it was dark and will resume tomorrow morning at daybreak.
Me: They just gave up? They're DONE for tonight? They could be anywhere Mom!
Mom: Oh I know. So hows your knee?
Me: Enough about my knee. It feels better. So are you being careful?
Mom: About what? Oh, the gunmen. Well yes, we have a shot gun by the front door.
Me: Which they could come in and take themselves to use on you.
Mom: Oh I'm not worried, my husband is here.
Me: Where's he at?
Mom: He's out working on the farm somewhere. I feel safe when he's around. (They have close to 15 different barns and sheds on their property)
Me: Well that's all fine and good, but are you locking your doors? (My entire family has never locked the doors to their homes or cars since I can remember. They still don't. You never HAD to.)
Mom: No of course not.
Me: Well don't you think you should?
Mom: I'm not worried. We can protect ourselves.
Me: *stammering and stuttering*
Mom: So are you going to the doctor about your knee?
Me: *ignores knee questions* Mother, would you even know how to shoot a shotgun?
Mom: Well, your father took me out to the shooting range once to shoot the small little pistol he bought me.
Me: Shotguns are totally different. You'll hurt yourself or knock yourself completely over, damaging your hip or something! (Oh God, I'm now becoming my mother) Would you just please lock the door, turn on the flood lights around the property and do NOT go outside at night, OH and don't go anywhere ALONE. Take your husband with you.
Mom: Oh stop worring honey, we'll be alright. So are you able to walk ok on your knee?
Me: It feels better. Call me tomorrow about these gunmen please, ok? Let me know you guys are ok.
Mom: Ok honey.
I'm totally at a loss for words. They've closed down all area schools, banks and local establishments in these tiny farm communities. These men are considered to be extremely dangerous. They could be anywhere. Hiding anywhere.
I'm surprised my Mother's not just sitting at home, listening to her christian cd's and canning pickles.
*sigh*
UPDATE: She just called to inform me they caught the suspects. They stole another car and shot and injured a woman and her two children. Stuff just does NOT happen in my home town. Reminds of of the first murder in my little town back home. I was able to be the court room artist. Ah, a topic already set.
I know I'm being age conscious lately. I'm guessing it has to do with the recent passing of my 39th Birthday. I start to notice how many grey hairs in my chest and goatee. I can't see very well without wearing my bifocals. Wrinkles around the eyes, forehead and mouth. I don't recover quickly from a night out on the town. I'm enjoying each and every year I'm here on this earth, but we all have to admit that there are some drawbacks.
Last month when Brian and I went to Rainbow Ranch for our first camping trip, I woke up the morning we're getting ready to leave to a swollen knee. My right knee was warm, swollen, stiff and sore. I could barely bend it let alone walk on it. I tried to figure out what I had done the night before in a drunken stupor. Nothing came to mind. I just blew the whole thing off. Two days later all symptoms were gone.
Yesterday afternoon, I'm noticing that my LEFT knee is getting stiff and hard to walk on. I checked after a while and sure enough, it's swollen and warm to the touch. I would understand if it was the same knee having the trouble, but the other one? God forbid I should have both knees feel this way. I'd be using a walker.
Ok, now that's a pleasant thought.
I should not call my Mother in situations like this. I told her about both incidents and to see if she had any advice. Her first thought was arthritis. Then she said Gout. Then she decides to get all worried and call other family members. Soon she's got my family back home networking, trying to find out an answer for me. Sheesh, it's just my knee. Bless her heart. You would have thought that I'm severely sick in bed, coughing up a lung. She called me 3 times yesterday just to find out how I was doing. "Uh, fine Mom....laying here watching TV, leg propped up, eating pizza, chatting with the boyfriend and eventually going to watch porn. How are you?"
I also got a lecture on when I was going to the doctor to have it checked out. Of course, she starts talking about the horrors of having a blood clot in your leg and what that can cause.
Always the optimistic one. I see now where I get it.
Can we talk about spicy food? I'm the first to admit I can can be a wimp when it comes to 3 alarm Chili, hot mexican salsa, extra spicy Kung Pao Chicken or anything Indian. I want to taste my food, not constantly be sweating, crying, fanning my mouth and guzzling down gallons of the finest water Dallas has to offer. Don't get me started on the hours you have to sit on the toilet afterwards praying to God your ass doesn't produce anymore hot molten lava.
It's just not worth it to me. Food can't BE hot enough for Brian on the other hand. We can go into any Mexican restaurant where the salsa would make most people tear up, and my boyfriend is asking the waiter if they have something hotter. Even the help looks at him as if he's lost his mind, or the spices have actually fried his brain. If we have Italian, those shakers full of red peppers is usually opened up and poured over the pasta dish. Do you know what burning hair smells like? I don't have any nose hairs left. I think ONE time at our favorite Indian restaurant, did the actual dinner cause him to break out in a sweat. That's my baby.
Since weather here has gotten a tad cooler, I decided to make a vat of chili and sweet cornbread. The chili is my fathers recipe. Dad never cooked much. But when he did, it was usually his infamous Chili. Ok fine, infamous within our family. It's got a sweetness to it, yet spicy. So I tripped with the chili and papprica powders last night. I ended up making what most people would call 3 alarm chili. My roommate is fanning himself, making girly noises, downing glasses of milk and popping Maalox tablets. I stopped counting the times he came back downstairs that night to give me a dirty look, bitch me out and take another chewable tablet.
Fire in the hole!!!
Bless his heart. Brian must be rubbing off on me some. I thought the chili was fantastic and so did my next door neighbor. I even brought another huge bowl to work with me this morning. I'm sure I'll be crop dusting my cube farm here this afternoon (Crop Dusting: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust).
On a different note, I finally had all my old slides from 1983-1987 converted to jpegs. It's been sitting on my desk for months now to be honest. The slides have become scratched, discolored and faded. Still, it's the best I have of what my work was like in college. Kind of a retrospect you might say. You'll see everything from drawings, lithographs, paintings and glass. I'm not embarrassed to show you the glass, but the other stuff?
Man have I come a long way since then thank goodness.
There are three albums: Glass, Drawings and Recent. You're also welcome if totally bored out of your skulls, to peruse the other albums of trips and parties.
You know, Monday's have to be the most difficult day of the week to deal with anyway. No one likes Mondays. After a relaxing weekend, it's almost like pulling teeth to get me to get out of bed and go to work. You can tell daylight savings time is coming up in a few weeks. I get up at 6:15 this morning and its pitch black outside. I see flickers of light coming from my bedroom window. It's lightening. A storm is approaching and it looks pissed off.
I continue to get ready and head out the door. It starts to sprinkle. I forgot that our garage door is busted. We spent last night trying to fix it. I try to lift the door and something is preventing it from doing so. After getting my hands all greasy and dirty, I finally get the door back up so I can leave, but the door has come off the track. It won't go down nor up. It's pouring rain by this point. I have to get to work early and have no time to waste fixing the piece of shit. I'm getting a little soaked so I run back in my car and head out. My roommate is getting up here soon and maybe he can figure out how to fix it. Time to call the landlord and tell him to have the door fixed.....again. Our duplex seems to just be falling apart lately.
By the time I get to the highway, it's coming down like cats and dogs. Wind is blowing like crazy. Lightening is so bad that it's actually blinding people while driving down the highway. Normally I give Texans hell for not being able to drive in rain. Not this time. The wind is blowing cars off the road. I passed 4 accidents. Numerous people have pulled off the side of the road to wait out the storm. I have night blindness, so I can't see things well at night. Especially the lines in the road. It's worse when it's raining. We're all driving 15-20 miles an hour. We see the lighting strike an overpass ahead about 4 times in a row.
I finally make it to work. Luckily I can park only 10 feet from the side entrance. I sat there waiting to see if it would die down. It didn't of course. I grabbed my stuff and bolted out the car to the side door. Gracefull me falls down on one knee. My pants are soaking wet. Hell, I'M soaking wet by this point. I'm trying to get my keycard out of back pants pocket. After fumbling around, I finally get it out and get inside where it's warm and dry.
I walk to my desk, set my stuff down and hear, "What the hell happened to you?!!"
If looks could kill....
I hate Mondays.....
My readers are some persistent bitches. But I love my bitches none the less. Hmmmm, all this bitch talk makes me start thinking of prison scenarios. I love me some OZ.
I was reading over at Out There regarding his decision to talk about someone close to him and the difficulties of knowing what to blog about and what the boundaries are in relation to that person. That was my delimma yesterday. I had set up boundaries about what was blogworthy and basically what was none of y'alls bidness.
I received a lot of emails asking me what I did. I'm a perfectionist at times. I envision how a night should go according to plan and if things don't go according to plan, I freak. One thing leads to another in my mind and it kind of snowballs. I'm known to get a little moody in these situations. Ok fine, very moody. I'm a Virgo so it's not my fault dammit!!!! Funny how we can keep learning, even in my old age. I learned I need to just relax and breathe when things like this happen. Something I'm told by my bestestest blend (blogger friend) Zenchick. I need to learn to move on and let things go and just enjoy myself. Enough said.
After an evening of yummy sex, talking, laughing and dinner, I drove him to the airport, told each other we loved one another and put him on a plane for San Diego again. Being in love means you have to be persistent in your endeavors to keep the relationship on track. Loving each other makes those endeavors a hell of a lot easier to achieve.
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Last time:
Thanks to many of my bluddies (blogbuddies), bleaders (blogreaders) and blends (bloggerfriends), with the help of co-workers, my goal of $500 for tomorrows AIDSWalk was surpassed. My grand total so far is $705.00. Your generosity is amazing. Words of thanks don't seem to be enough. I truly am a lucky guy to have y'all in my life.
Anyone still wanting to make a donation that hasn't, feel free to click on the link to the left before tomorrow.
I'm just thankful that it's going to be in the low 60's tomorrow for the walk. I hate to sweat, even if it IS for a good cause.
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Shopping is my form of therapy. Kenneth Cole is my valium. The smell of a Mall makes me weep. Yesterday I went shopping and found some great deals. Kenneth Cole and Calvin Klein shirts for 7-12 dollars each. I know I peed a little right there in the middle of the sales floor. While I was looking through the racks, I started thinking about whether or not I was dressing my age. Should it be something that we think about at all? Today I was concerned even more as I was driving to work. I'm wearing some VERY low rise worn out flared jeans, frayed at the bottom. A form fitting country western shirt with some gold stitched design on the back and some diesel shoes. Is this appropriate for someone pushing 40? Should I be wearing Perry Ellis and shopping in the "mature" mens section of Foley's?
I could just be like my Father (God rest his soul) and wear a tshirt, polyester shorts with black socks and wingtips. It was classic when he topped off his ensemble with a visor. He did have some great leisure jump suits though.
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I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm going to try to see a few movies, go to the AIDSWalk tomorrow morning, shop, sleep, eat and well maybe masturbate.
The boyfriend IS out of town you know.
