I've rewritten this post 4 times now. My poor little fingers are flying away on this keyboard, I re-read it, then start over. I was ready to hit that publish button, then said no. Changed it, then said no again. And again....you get the picture. I rarely censor myself. Usually, I just put it all out there for the world to see, hit publish and wait. Sometimes with regret. But at least I put it out there. Couldn't do it today.
Do you want the Bloggers Readers Digest version?
I can be a jerk.
Pet me, pamper me, hug me, caress me.....I've been to the Dentist.
I despise the dentist. Hate them with a passion. Ok, I don't hate the dentist personally, but just walking into the waiting room causes my blood pressure to jump to 180/100. I'm not kidding. They check it first thing and it's always soaring.
The dentist takes one look into my mouth and says, "Well hell, you've spent many hours sitting in a dentist chair." No shit, Doc. Between the ages of 14-25 years old, I did spent many hours in that fucking chair. My doctor was about 70 years old, hands that trembled and breath that stunk. You know he's bad when during a routine root canal you hear, "Oh shit." He had punctured the side of my root and caused an abscess. But he was our family dentist and mama and daddy were paying for everything. Going to someone else wasn't an option. He was an old school doc. Everything was so outdated. He even still used cocaine and some sort gel mixture as a topical anesthetic. Nothing like leaving your dentist high as a kite when you're 15. Wonder if he's even still alive?
I'm pretty sure my new dentist is gay. If not, he needs to come out of the closet quickly. Only thing that bothered me, is he worked as if he's got five minutes to complete all his work. Slow down sister and take a valium.
He estimated that I need 3 crowns, one extraction and one filling. He was amazed that after the long number of years (14?) it's been since my last visit to these guardians of hades, that I only had one filling and hardly ANY tartar buildup. My crowns are due to very old fillings and having the tooth around them crack. The extraction is due to the root canal from 15 years ago. He basically said it was a piece of shit and the doctor that did it, didn't know what he was doing. Guess my old doc was snorting that cocaine mixture in between clients.
The highlight of the morning? Having the lady at the front counter tell me that WITH my insurance, it's only going to cost me around 1300 dollars for 3/4 of the work. The rest of the work will be completed after January.
After they threw water on me to wake me up and pick me up off the floor, I headed back to work with minty glossy feeling teeth.
I either need a quick raise or a part time job.
Time to prostitute myself.
Back in college, we had Interim Classes that lasted for a month, which were positioned between 1st and 2nd semester. It was a way of taking trips to India or Africa on an archeological dig. Touring our nation's capital. Learning all aspects of putting on a play. Taking a painting or photography class. Only difference was that there was usually a small paper involved. It gave you a chance to try something new. Many people often changed their majors because of an Interim class.
I took computer graphics, color theory, music theory and finally, dream interpretation. It was based through our art department. We would keep a daily journal of our dreams. We also had to write down what we though influenced them. Finally we had to draw a self portrait and then towards the end, would study them to see if we saw any changes or progressions in the self portrait compared to our dreams. Interesting class. I still find myself wondering what a specific dream was about, why it happened or what caused it. Of course, I still draw self portraits also.
I currently take a drug called Sustiva, which has an odd side effect. It causes a neurological imbalance which will cause heightened, vivid, bizarre, surrealistic and almost real feeling dreams. I can't tell you how often I wake up and have wanted to call a friend for something they did in my dream to piss me off. It was that real to me. Not only do I dream, but my dreams are enhanced.
Last night I had a reoccurring dream of having my teeth fall out, one by one, throughout the course of the dream. I had to check it out this morning and here's what a dream interpretation website told me:
Losing Teeth
Dreams about teeth falling out are quite common and can mean one of two things. The first is to do with having children. (Animals carry their young around with their teeth). This type of dream can be triggered by a number of things.
*Approaching menopause and therefore losing the ability to have children
*A physical problem leading to an inability to have children
*Not feeling capable of raising a child
*Your children are ready to 'leave the nest'
*Wanting a child but your partner doesn't
The other thing it can indicate is that you are in a situation where you cannot assert yourself. For example, if you work for somebody who is overbearing and your right to be assertive is not catered for.
Well I hope the answer has to do with asserting myself. I don't think I'm jonesing to have a child, nor am I going through menopause. Another reoccurring dream I have is riding roller coasters at amusement parks. Here's what I found:
Amusement park
To have a pleasant dream with an amusement park in it, maybe a hint that you may want to start having a little bit more fun in life, getting a little bit more amusement out of things. If the dream finds the amusement park to be dark and empty, devoid of sound, it may be a clue that your lack of amusement may be reaching critical levels. To have a bad dream with an amusement park in it, indicates that you have a problem overcoming your fear of physical risk (the rides).
Ok, I'll admit. Some of the interpretations are absolute crap. Some are obvious and some just plain silly. Pick out one word symbols from your dream and search for a meaning. What have yours been about recently? Do you dream? Do you have Nightmares?
Here are a few sites online to search for interpretations:
Dream Dictionary
Dream Dictionary #2
A personal favorite, Dream Life.
Wow, it has been a whole year. Just seems like not that long ago, I had written an entry about going to the State Fair and eating and ungodly amount of bad (ok, it was really GOOD food, just not good FOR you) food at the fair. On a whim, Brian and I decided rather then spending the day doing nothing, that we would hop over to the Fair and check out the new cars.
I think I heard him shriek like a girl more times then I could imagine. Not at a cute guy. Not while on one of the thrill rides. Not when winning a prize. No, but at a new Lexus or Mercedes. Or at a hidden compartment, space age technology, ergonomic controls or even supple leather seats. I swear he came in his pants (with no help from me) more then I can count. God love him. I can safely say that we probably sat in 80% of all the vehicles shown at the Fair this year. Did I mention we sat in most of the back seats too? Looked under the Hood? Checked out the trunk? Oh, and we can't forget checking the tire size and being amazed when they reached 20 inches.
I act like a little kid in a candy story when I'm around amusement parks or rides. He's the same way at an Auto Show. It made me smile to see him get so excited. He's a car lover in the highest sense of the word. He starts talking about Hemi this, bluetooth technology that or hybrid this, concept car that. His face just lights up. I have to admit I started getting a little giddy myself when I came across (oh, if I only could have) the new 2005 Mustang and the 2005 Chrysler 300. I'm going to own one of these cars, mark my words. If we were to ever get married I'm sure we'll have a fleet of cars to our name.
After creaming over cars, we walked around the Midway. Rode one puke inducing ride, ate some food, walked around and people watched. I get caught up in the sounds, sights and smells of it all. In other words, screaming rednecks and deep fat fried twinkies. You see all kinds at the Fair. It's all fun though. If I had my way, I'd be at the fair every single night for a few hours.
Have to say one highlight was having a scary looking man follow Brian and I into the restroom (he must have been stalking it out) and out of a row of 15 urinals, stands RIGHT next to me and starts stroking his dick. Brian's trying to have a conversation with me while this guy's trying to get off. Bless his heart.
We ended the night by watching some "festival of lights, sound, explosions, fireworks, water, music and tacky cartoons"....thingy. It was put on by TXU Electric. Basically you sat there for 25 minutes saying, "yeah this is nice....." and waited for the last 5 minutes to make you go "oooohh and aaaaahh".
Eight hours later we both were plum tuckered out. We'll be going again before the season is through and I promise to take pics.
Well, of everything but the scary strokeyourpenisatthefairbecauseyoucantgetitanywhereelse guy.
After months of getting tired of MT version 2.661, I've been thinking of upgrading to version 3.11. I hear it has better spam protection for one, which I'm really interested in at this point. There's a free version which includes 1 author and 3 weblogs. Seems enough for me since I've only had one person guestblog. Anyone out there already using 3.11? Is it worth trying?
Everyone knows I'm completely computertarded so any help would be greatly appreciated. I started reading about upgrading and became glassyeyed within seconds. It all looks like greek to me.
Thoughts? Ideas? Help?
Let's talk about Spam, baby! Let's talk about You and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things, that may be! Let's talk about Spam!
I'm way to damn perky for my own good this morning. Not sure why. Even despite the fact that I'm deleting spam from comments every morning now from my site. It's become a morning ritual before I even blog. I have the Moveable Type Blacklist thing installed. If it wasn't for that, I can honestly say I would have to shut down my site. My activity log every morning shows an average of 80-150 spam comments that are blocked EACH AND EVERY DAY. Some comments still get through and of course I get an email. I'm able to delete and rebuild the entry in one easy step. Thank God. Somehow a few will sneak through and I don't get any sort of email telling me I've gotten a new comment. My blacklist of denied sites increases by 5-10 sites each day.
When will it end? Something needs to be done to these people. Public lynching?
This little program breaks down and I'm fucked. If I could blow the guy who designed this program, I would in a heart beat. I bow down at his effigy every day.
Everything from xanax, viagra, increasing your dick size to pig/horse/dog pron. There's some pretty sick tickets out there. Had to change the spelling of that last word. Last thing I need now are an extra 200 hits a day due to people searching for ways to boink their dog. *shudder*
Half of these spam comments are from German websites. Having the title of my blog being a not so common German word has caused an onslaught of of those spam bastards finding me.
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Finally switched from Sprint to AT&T. I'll publically say Sprint (We built ours from the ground up) cellular sucks ass. Plus, Brian and all my friends are with AT&T, so now we can talk to each other for free. I'm sure you'll be able to sleep better tonight knowing this tidbit of information.
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Mickey and I were talking last week as we normally do. He was going OFF about different conspiracy theories. I'm over here rolling my eyes. People can be so pationate about them. Brian for example. I was telling Mickey about how Brian getting so excited when he starts talking about the latest conspiracy he's read about. Mickey almost seemed to wet his pants too. God love them both. I'm sure when we meet someday, those two will be off in a corner by themselves, each trying to get a word in edgewise. I for one have never jumped on this particular bandwagon. Not that I'm discounting any of them. I was born and raised NEAR the Show Me State of Missouri. Must have rubbed off on me some. Last night I got a package in the mail for my birthday. "80 Most Popular Conspiracy Theories!" sent to me by the Mickster. He's so sweet. He's trying to gain another convert to their little club. Thanks Mick!
Thats all I've got today. My brain is mush. Again, thanks to everyone who's donated to the AIDSWalk so far. I went over my goal thanks to you all! One more week to go! Thanks for all the birthday well wishes this past week. It was one of the best ones yet.
I need to get some work done. They honestly expect me to work around here.
After yesterday's dirrrrrty talk, it's been suggested that I talk about puppies, kittens, butterflies, rainbows and charm bracelets. Then I realized that the subject matter would be something close to Mariah Carey's last album.
For so many entries on this blog, I've talked about my goofy ass family, stories of growing up, the workplace, my friends, my life, my future and have been known on occasion lately to talk about a certain boyfriend. You remember those entries. They were the ones which caused a diabetic coma.
Rarely have I gotten sophomoric and decided to talk about dick and ass. Even just now, I had to giggle. I just said dick and ass. *rolls eyes* I've never one to claim to have been an innocent virgin in my past. Far from it. There's a time and place for a range of topics in my blog. Stick around and I'm sure you'll see them all.
On my way into work this morning, my mind was wandering, which is always a good thing to do while going 75 miles an hour in rush hour traffic with the woman next to you putting on her makeup, and tried to think of a humorous or possibly thought provoking way of talking about puppies, kittens, rainbows and butterflies. Nothing profound came to mind. I'm more like Mariah then I thought.
But NPR has influenced me this week. For those that know me, that's scary enough the way it is. They've been discussing the views and opinions of both presidential candidates. So I came up with an idea........
Is there something you want to know my view on? Do you really want to know how opinionated I am on a certain subject? How radical my thinking is regarding something specific?
Ask away.
For those not wanting to read anything regarding my sex life, please jump down to.......well, read yesterdays post. Oh, and I hear my archives have some pretty funny shit in them, so peruse your little hearts out. I've never written something this explicit. Well, explicit for ME that is. If I could just block my blogmom Zenchick from reading today I would.
You've been warned.
I'm a pretty vanilla kind of guy. For those not aware of how we compare sex to Ben and Jerry's, that means that I'm pretty basic. No kink involved. Ok, well maybe I'm vanilla with a small amount of chocolate syrup. Ok fine, throw in a few sprinkles, nuts and whipped cream. I nowhere near the likes of a Masters of Discipline member vice president president KING like Victor or have the sexual prowess and stamina of Geekslut. Now that I think of it, maybe I could ask them to be my mentors. Just a thought.
Don't get me wrong, I've dabbled on the 'dark side'. I mentioned on Victors site when I guestblogged about an experience I had at IML (International Mr. Leather) in Chicago about 12 years ago. A very forward and blunt muscle boy in leather asked me to be his leather daddy for a night. Once I got past my fit of giggles, I agreed and followed him out to his taxi. Again, for those who have read this far and are faint of heart, I tell a really funny story about my family back in August of 2003. It's a hoot! Check it out.
The evening was a complete new experience for me. A room full of so much leather. At least 2 complete cows gave up their lives for this little pleasuredome. A bed full of harnesses, straps, handcuffs, whips, dildos, electrical toys, clamps, lube, rubber gloves and towels. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. I must have had a look of horror and intrigue on my face. He told me to relax. Basically he just wanted someone to dominate him and use all these accoutrements. I shouldn't use French words.
Hey, have any of you checked out my very first entry on September 17, 2003? Might want to check it out! It's thought provoking!
After hours upon hours (remember, I was a LOT younger) of blowing, fucking and fisting him he wanted to try watersports. I'm thinking a quick game of slip and slide or a rousing evening with water pistols. I was wrong. I quickly realized this part of the evening wasn't for me. Enough said. We finished off the evening by me inserting **(hey look over there!...anywhere!)** a long slender metal spike like object into the head of his dick while he jacked off. This was something he enjoyed. *blank stare* I freaked. I could see the headlines now: "Young gay man impales innocent leather boy during IML with deadly surgical instrument" By the end of the evening morning, I was done with my experience, wanted a shower in the worst way humanly possible, so I headed back to my hotel room. That was my first and last experience. It wasn't my scene.
Now LAST night was my scene. I've already asked Brian if I could talk some today about sex. He's like, "Hell yeah! Go right ahead!". He's so supportive of me and my craft. Anyhoo, I decided to bottom last night. Don't everyone freak out at once! I don't do it that often, I know, but last night was special. My friend G had bought me a bottle of poppers so I was ready to go to town. Did y'all know that during the actual act, that you're capable of cumming at the same time? Who knew? In all my experiences, I've NEVER done that. Always came afterwards or not at all. Hard for me to concentrate on two parts of my body at the same time I guess. I have a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same time.
15 minutes later? We were both so turned on by the previous hours fun, that we decided to have another go at it. Now THAT hasn't happened to me in 15 years. I swear! I felt like I was 21 years old again.
What a way to end my Birthday.
I'll be reminded of last night every single time I have to gingerly sit down today.
Big Tex is this enormous cowboy that greets you at the Texas State Fair. They're getting him prepared for next week. Seems he has a kinky side no one knew of. Only tossed salad you'll find at the fair this year.
Courtesy of Associated Press.
"Happy Birthday to meeeeee. Happy birthday tooooo MEEEEEE. Happy birthday dear MEEEE-eeeeeee. Happy birthday toooooo meeeeeeeeee!"
"How old are you now? How old are you nooowww? How old........."
Ok fine, I'm 39, somedays feel like 50, often act like I'm 18, but don't look a day over 25, right? RIGHT?
*cricket noises*
It's officialy here. Thirty nine years today, my mother shot me (previously typed an additional "me" here. Had to be removed due to my anal retentiveness) out of her vagina and thrust me upon this world to wreck havoc among its inhabitants. The world has never been the same since. Don't believe me? Ask my Mother. She'll be more then happy to tell you.
Sometimes I can put myself in a funk around this time of year and need to be reminded that every year is a good year. This year, I was reminded by my blogmom Zenchick. God love her. She's a sweetie.
Life is good.
Love is good.
What more could an old man want?
Birthday Sex!
Should be arriving around 9:30pm.
Hundreds of beads later...........
I jumped up, started crying and threw my arms around him. He had kept it a secret. He had been planning on coming home to surprise me for quite some time. He and his friend (who I was waiting at his apartment for) were going to put Brian in a big box with a bow on top. I guess I kind of ruined that part of the surprise. He seemed pleased with my reaction anyway.
I couldn't believe it when I realized Brian was here. Through fits of tears, hugs, laughter and then more tears, I realized I had the best birthday gift anyone could have ever given me. He's a sneaky little shit. Every one of his friends knew. He told me a series of things to keep me believing he wasn't going to see me until the 21st. He said he kept giving me hints, but I was so oblivious. I can't tell you how many times I got teary eyed every time I looked at him.
Little shit.
We spent the evening with he and some friends, having dinner and enjoying a few drinks at the bar. We were up bright and early the next day and headed to Six Flags for Gay Day. I wish I could have gotten some pictures of the protesters that greeted us at the entrance. Signs that said, "Take your family and turn away!" "Sodomy lives here!" "What's next? Beastiality Day? Pedophilia Day?" People with their children, their bibles and their God all spewing forth hate.
We proceeded inside to an afternoon of screaming at the top of our lungs. I'm such a kid at places like this. It didn't help that it was probably 98 degrees and 100% humidity on black asphalt. We decided to end our day on one of those boat rides that completely soaks you in the end. We got a little wet. We were leaving the ride and you cross a bridge in which you can stand on and have the next boat soak you even more. I decided to stand on the END of the bridge and just watch. Not realizing that the END is where a majority of the water gets thrown. Even my shoes and socks were squishy. I'm sure this helped my cold tremendously.
Yup! To top off the weekend, I have a horrible sinus infection. Me don't sound pretty....
That night we had another great dinner with friends. They hey all got a tad bit tipsy on only two margaritas. Amateures.
We hooked up with friends for our version of Pride around 2pm yesterday. They had parked their truck next to the street the night before so we had a front row view, with coolers of drinks and lounge chairs. Did I mention that I'm on decongestants? They make me VERY dehydrated. Did I also mention that it was 98 degrees with 100% humidity again that day? Did I forget to mention that I was running a small fever because of the sinus infection? *sigh* At times I thought I might even pass out. I would drink 4 bottles of water and not even pee once. We had the most incredible time together despite my sniffling.
After collecting and ungodly amount of beads, pockets full of candy, free t-shirts, frisbees, hair products and a killer tan, we walked 5 blocks home, hopped in the pool, then back down to the hood for some dinner before taking Brian back to the airport.
Are you all exhausted yet?
I am.
Great thing, is he's still flying back Tuesday for my birthday.
For those wanting to see pics from our 2004 Alan Ross Freedom Parade (Pride Parade), please click here, then click on Dallas Pride 2004.
I wasn't in the mood to go home after work. I was already dressed for going out. Felt like needing some 'alone' time. I headed to Brians apartment to relax, take a nap and wait for our friend from Houston to arrive. His place is close to all the restaurants and bars.
I came in, turned on the AC, stripped down and climbed into his warm bed. I had just dozed off. You know that point where you just start to dream? I heard something in the apartment. I lifted myself up and leaned over to see what it might be.
I looked towards the door. It's Brian. No, can't be. He's arriving the day of my birthday next week. I laid back down. I heard the noise again.
I look up and guess who's leaning over me ready to give me a kiss......
Brian came home.
I burst into tears....
To be continued.......
I almost forgot!!! One year ago today, I started this little blogger journey. Who would have thought, huh? Thanks to all of you for making this past year one of the best. Making friends with many of you has been the biggest benefit of coming here and sharing my life.
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As I was geekingly (love making up new words) listening to NPR this morning, they broke in with a traffic news flash. Seems someone got pissed off at another driver this morning and opened fire. They shot and killed the other driver. Creepy thing, is this happened a block from where we use to work. The intersection we turn onto to get to our building. This happened at 5:30am. How bad is traffic at that time of the morning? How bad could it be at 5:30am to cause you to blow someone's head off? I know that area. This doesn't make sense. No wonder a mile area has been shut down and they've started a full investigation. Something doesn't seem right.
Could you imagine? Remember that the next time you cut someone off or give them the finger. Someone might go postal on you.
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Seems I've got a small sinus infection. Just some pressure, drainage and a slight sore throat. I'm all sounding like Barry White this morning. Maybe I should call Brian and have phone sex with this voice. Not that we've ever done that mind you. The timing just sucks. Tonight I have friends coming into town. Tomorrow is Gay Day at 6 Flags. Sunday is the Alan Ross Freedom Parade (our version of a pride parade). This weekend is usually a big deal because my birthday is coming up *cough-hint-cough* on the 21st. Which coincidentally is the same day that Brian comes home from his extended time away in San Diego. Nice birthday gift, huh?
So I get to start decongestants and antibiotics today. I'm usually over this stuff within a few days. I don't feel run down or bad at all. Guess it's going to be a drink free weekend.
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Thanks to all that have donated for my participation in the 2004 AIDSWalk. I can't tell you how wonderful it makes me feel. Everyone from close blogger friends, acquaintances and even some readers I didn't even know, have donated. I've raised a total of $430.00 out of my $500.00 goal. Anyone still wanting to make a donation can do so by clicking on the link located on the left hand side of the column underneath the AIDSWalk icon. This will be left up there until I walk on Oct. 2nd.
Again, a huge thank you and hug from the bottom of my heart.
(UPDATE: Thanks to the incredible generosity of a wonderful person, my goal of $500 was just reached. Way to go and make me cry......)
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I get some interesting readers. I recently had someone introduce themselves to me from New York. She's an escort who has some pretty interesting things to talk about I'm sure. Say Hi to Alexa. Spending some time getting to know another blogger and becoming great friends. The city of Chicago needs to be prepared the first time we all go out together on the town. Say howdy to Big Mickey and his other half Shy Guy.
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That's all folks. I'm sure to come back Monday with tons of pics from 6 Flags and lots of naked boys draped in pride flags.
Zeitzeuge out......
If I only was allowed to have my camera.
I've been to many large scaled concerts. I've seen a lot of resurrected 80's/90's bands. I can't even count the number of local bands I've seen. Last night has to be one of the most amazing shows to date.
Unbeknownst to me, Siouxsie has a new studio album out. This was not just some band trying to reclaim their glory days. It was a mixture of old and new. It started with the drummer and a half naked Japanese Taiko Drummer, pounding away to cause a frenzy in the crowd. Out of blue and blinding bright white light comes Siouxsie, with a huge black and ruby feathered head dress, black silk kimono and the traditional thick goth makeup she's known for. The crowd went crazy.
Did I mention that I was only 5 feet from her? The hot bearish, tattooed, pierced employee came to the end of our line and asked if we had hard tickets. We said yes. He said to follow him, so we went to the back door which was right next to the stage. We found ourselves now first in line.
I've not been to a concert where it almost felt like a religious experience. The pounding drums and Taiko performer almost put you in a trance. The lights. The beautiful twin backup singers sang almost operatic. Siouxsie herself, was like watching a piece of art. Song after song she belted out at the top of her lungs, coming close to the crowd, reaching out for our hands, dancing and slithering.
The crowd was jumping, swaying, pressing forward and backward. Closest thing to a mosh pit I've been around in years. We were sweaty and hot. Pouring bottles of water on our heads. There were times of just standing in complete awe.....transfixed.
Never experienced something like this in my entire life.
I couldn't get over the crowd. Only 250 people. Ages ranging from 17-60 years old. Everyone dressed in black. Every color of hair. Makeup on men and women. Mohawks, long pointed goatees, Doc Martins, fishnet stockings, corsets. A place where most would be considered outcast of society, yet they can come together there, be themselves and not be judged.
We had a hunky guy and his girlfriend next to us the entire evening. He had a turquoise, flaming red and bright yellow mowhawk. His four inch long goatee matched. He was pierced all over his face. He wore a shirt that said, "Tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes". He let us touch his hair. He and his girfriend thought we were just IT. Did I mention that even with all the hair and accessories adorning his body, he was fucking HOT? Of course we eventually told him. Never seen a man blush so much in all my life. He relished in all the attention. We couldn't help ourselves.
Then we met our bodyguard. He was right in front of us, passing us free bottles of water. He had a Gypsy Tea Room T-shirt on, with the word STAPH on the back. Nice play on words. Of course, I referred to him as Staph all night. I swear Troy was going to jump his bones at any given moment. We even got a smile out of him when we called him our "Staph Injection".
Oh did I forget to mention we had eyeliner put on us by some girl who told us we couldn't experience the concert without it? I still have raccoon eyes this morning.
I couldn't leave without a new concert t-shirt and a new studio CD. I made it across the beer and water soaked floor and took one last look at the stage.
I wished the evening didn't have to end.
Perfect Timing at it's best.
Tonight at the Gypsy Tea Room, I'll be seeing one of the most incredible groups from the 80's. I can't tell you have many memories this night is going to bring back for me. This is the band that caused me to dress all in black, wear eyeliner and die my hair all sorts of colors. Now if I could just remember the last place I put my makeup bag........
I hate change.
I love change.
So many things seem to be changing for me and around me. I'm changing, friends are changing, relationships are changing, family is changing. Some for good, some for bad. Sometimes it's stressful. Other times it's refreshing.
A person who fights change all the way.
Family members are moving away from my hometown. Nieces and Nephews are growing up. Siblings are showing signs of age. A divorce is in the works. Another baby being born. A mother's attitude isn't the same as it was. She's down. Not as vibrant. She's often not feeling well. A sister that cries at the drop of a hat. A brother who won't speak about his daughter who just took his grandchildren and moved to another state, far away. A nephew who's bitter and angry.
A son, brother, uncle who wishes he could be home to help.
Friends who are pulling away to straighten out their lives. Friends who are going down a wrong path of self destruction. Friends who never change. Old friends coming back from out of nowhere. Current friends who seem to disappear. New friends being made. Friends who are depressed. Friends who are happy. Friends who hide it very well.
A friend who desperately wants to be like a mother and help.
An old life staying in the past. A new life on the horizon. Dreams being had. Goals being made. Questions are asked. Answers are found.
A man who sometimes needs to kick himself in his own ass.
A new love. New doubts. New fears. New hopes. New desires. New experiences. New happiness. New questions.
No answers.
I need to just relax......and breathe.
Houston was fun. Met some pretty interesting people hanging out at JR's. Give me a couple shots and I'll talk to most anyone. Some of you have already experienced what a few have deemed a 'muppet on crack', and let me tell you, the muppet was rearing it's ugly head there after a while. Luckily, once the muppet appeared, we were almost ready to make it a night and head home, which was good for me. I wouldn't be able to show my face in Houston again. NYC will be bad enough.
Ok, we all know that I can't stand bugs, right? You didn't? Now you know. Add it to my list. On my way home from the whirlwind weekend in Houston, I was noticing a few bug splatters that started to appear on my windshield. You know what they say the last thing a bug sees before he hits your windshield? His ass. I hadn't noticed hardly any on the way down to H-town.
All the sudden, it felt like it was hailing outside. I was getting bombarded with SO many of these little critters. My windshield was completely covered. So much, that I had to pull off to the nearest rest area. While running around outside, swatting what seemed to be hundreds of thousands of the bastards, I made it to the restroom for cover. It seems that these love bugs, which have been nicked named "fuck bugs" by the locals, are in their mating season. They fuck while flying around in the air. It's like Cirque du Soleil Porn.
It rivaled one of the 7 plagues in the Bible.
After what seemed like hours, scraping off bug parts and bug jizz off my windshield, I headed towards home.
Wait.....no more bugs. Was that it? Are they done? Do they die afterwards?
What a shitty sex life THEY must have.
Just a quick note to say Hello. Friday around 4pm, one of Brian's best friends IM's me and told me to get my ass to Houston and have some fun. Since I'm the type of guy that always does what I'm told, I threw some shit together, gassed up the car and headed south.
Our first night was filled with new friends, alcohol and an ungodly amount of tequilla. It wasn't pretty.
Kelly can't handle his liquor.
The traffic down here sucks ASS.
It's HOT.
It's MUGGY.
But having a great time otherwise and wish you were here.
Just pissed I forgot to bring the phone number from one of our new camping buddies.
Tomorrow we're heading to Six Flags for some headache and vommit inducing fun!
I heart rollercoasters.
Then it's home sweet home.
xoxo
Interesting drive into work this morning. I did my usual routine, which takes me a total of 20 minutes tops, of getting ready and headed out the door for my morning commute. I've turned into an NPR geek the past month. I can't get enough of this radio station. I'm sitting there, listening to commentary about the Presidential race, the war on Iraq, war in the Sudan, war here, war there....after a short time, my mind starts to wander.
Aimlessly......
I pause at the stop light, glance over and spot a donut shop. I contemplate picking up donuts or kolaches (depending on the store, could be the Czech word for a fruit filled pastry or a pig in a blanket...take your pick) for my fellow coworkers. I decided I've bought enough for them. Someone elses turn.
I wonder what sort of plans I have this weekend or with whom. Nothing much I realize. Boring weekend approaching.
Ohhhh, a bendmeoverandslapmyass HOT guy passes me on his way to work. Wonder what he does?
I love Brian. He's still in bed at this time of the morning.
Wonder which project I should start first when I get to work? Probably doesn't matter. Everyone's breathing down my back, waiting with anticipation for me to hand it over to them, signed sealed and delivered as complete.
Hate my job some days.
As I sat there at the light right before getting onto the highway, I was thinking about the cute ensemble I put together this morning. Brian bought me a pair of low rise flared 'sweet and low' styled jeans. I have on my new cute little red leather Diesel tennis shoes and a pearl buttoned western shirt with little red flowers in it.
Why in the hell do I dress like this for these people?
Out of nowhere while sitting there at the light, this huge eagle hawk vulture pigeon heads straight into my windshield, wings spread, vicious claws scraping on the glass and his sharp pointy beak pecking away trying to get me. Swear to GOD he was trying to get inside the car. I of course SCREAM like a little girl, throwing my hands up in the air, heart racing, peed a little. I'm trying to knock him off with my wipers and a splash of water. Nothing works. I'm still screaming. This bird continues to flop and roll around on the hood of my car, desperately trying to gain a foothold on my hood. The poor deranged bird finally just rolls off the side of my car, lands on the pavement, shakes himself off, looks around then just takes off.
I'm still sitting there in a panic. Lights turned green. People are moving. Honking. I don't like birds....and well, a host of other things. Birds are just one of the few phobia's I have. Not that I have a lot. Really.
I'm just lucky the bird didn't hit my windshield, wearing a clown costume, riding a horse and holding a snake in its beak.
I literally would have shit my pants.
I found myself being very reflective this morning. Which I tend to do so often anymore. Two days ago, we hit the 4 month mark. We're silly like that. Remembering our monthly anniversarys.
You're the only thing on my mind this morning as I sit here remembering all that's happened in this short length of time. I got a tear in my eye just sitting here thinking about the past and also what the future holds.
I can't stop thinking about you. Some days are just easier then others I guess.
I miss your smell.
I miss your smile.
I miss your quirks.
I miss your laugh.
I miss you.
I heart you Brian......
In an effort to be less forgetful and make my life easier, Brian gave me his extra Palm to keep my life organized. He never used his Palm very much, which really surprised me. It was sitting there gathering dust, begging for me to pick it up, caress it and give it a name. I love his strong masculine Palm. This Palm is going to come in really handy for those long stretches of time when Brian is gone. Wish my Palm came in something Rosey colored. I'm sure it will be put to good use while he's away.
I use to make fun of my Mother about being forgetful. Ever since I was a child, I remember her having a small little spiral notepad she kept in her purse. It was full of phone numbers, prayer request, grocery lists, birthdays and 'to do' list. She would pull this little book out numerous times during the day to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. She would buy these little books in bulk. If only she had a Sams Club near her, she'd be in heaven. The thoughts of my mother with a Palm send shivers up my spine.
You wouldn't think my life is so complicated that I would require Palm Intervention. If I could, I would have been using a Palm a lot longer then just recently. I can't remember phone numbers since they're all programmed in my cell phone. I never remember birthdays unless you're my mother or my boyfriend. Unless the Doctor calls me to remind me of an upcoming appointment, I'm going to forget. I have trouble remembering where I ate lunch. Dinner or coffee dates with friends are usually preceded with me calling them up apologizing that I'm "running late", when in fact I didn't remember. Who knew that using my Palm would help?
A Palm is so enticing. I know frequent use of my Palm isn't going to solve all my problems, but will make life more enjoyable. Maybe Brian and I can use our palms together.
So I'm Palming my way to success. Ah, the things I can put in my Palm and just go to town. I just hope I don't play with my Palm too much.
I might go blind.
So pardon me while I go find out what this "hotsync" button does.
1. Attack wasps and bees, who swarm down upon their unsuspected prey, ready to kill their victims. Their slogan? No Camper Left Behind....
2. Trying to do 'number two' in an Airstream trailer, with two other people in the trailer with you.
3. Trying to avoid the Killer Bullfrogs, who jump upon their victims when they're walking to the communal bathroom.
4. Avoid going into town to eat at a local diner for breakfast. They've never seen a gay person in their life. I'm sure the Womens Baptist Bridge Club was sitting there having their weekly meeting.
5. You know you've got to be careful regarding the area you're in, when you see a billboard that says, "Stop the Porn and Be Reborn" --Jesus, John 3:3
6. Being six foot tall and trying to sleep two people in a area that's 4 foot wide and 5 feet long doesn't make for a comfortable nights sleep.
7. Trying to have sex in that same area is even MORE difficult.
8. Trying to be quiet during sex in a trailer, with someone sleeping at the other end is nearly impossible.
9. Drag queens are high maintenance. Drag queens at a campsite are even more high maintenance.
10. Never panic when you're sitting on the toilet in the communal bathroom and you see a sign in front of you that says, "Avoid the water and be on the look out for snakes during the month of May. May is snake breeding month." Thank God I was already sitting on the toilet.
I'm not longer a camping virgin. The camper cherry has officially been popped. We had the time of our life this weekend. The Rainbow Ranch is a small quaint little campground. Brian and I settled in quickly and headed around the campground to meet everyone. I've never been to a place where the people were this friendly.
After a few hours of putting up the stage and getting things ready, Mama and Twyla Starlett finally showed up. They put on a Comedy Drag Show that will make you pee your pants. An hour before going on stage, a huge thunderstorm blew in and almost took us all away. While the girls were putting on their makeup, we tried to hold the fort down. No sooner then it started, it stopped. The show was back on. After many numbers, skits and lots of drinks, the night was a success.
We spent Sunday relaxing in the pool, eating and hanging out with our new found friends. The afternoon and evening got more festive as the day went on. By the time midnight rolled around, things got a little fuzzy.
All I know, is Brian and I woke up refreshed the next morning in our cozy little Airstream. Except as I woke up, I notice that my knee had swollen to twice it's size during the night.
Maybe I had a better time Sunday night then I thought.
I'm ready to buy my own camper.
I'm hooked.
For those wanting to see the entire photo album from our little excursion, please click here then check out Rainbow Ranch.
I'm absolutely tickled pink. Or puce or aubergine. Whatever. Brian's going to be home around noon and I get to pick him up at the airport. I had better buy some chapstick, because I'm ready for a hot airport makeout session. I don't care who's around when I see him get off the plane. He's getting planted with the biggest kiss and hug I can muster.
I have to say that when it comes to public displays of affection, I'm getting better. Don't get me wrong. We don't play tonsil hockey in front of anyone that will watch. We're tasteful about it. I don't want to see a straight couple heavily making out in front of me, and I give them the same respect. Quick pecks on the cheek or lips, holding of hands, arm around the waist are acceptable. I've come a long way from how I was before.
When I first came out, I flew out of that damn closet. Kansas University was one of the most accepting places to come out. Showing affection for your boyfriend in public was not an issue with anyone. After a few closeted boyfriends and altercations with a few dumb jocks, I completely stopped showing affection in public.
Only within in the past few years, have I gotten use to not being afraid of grabbing a guys hand, sneaking a kiss or holding hands at dinner somewhere outside of the little gay bubble we live in. I don't like to make a scene or draw attention to ourselves. Sometimes it's just easier to avoid a confrontation. Is it right? Who knows. It all has to do with our own individual comfort zones.
Brian's taught me to not care what people think. Our individual comfort levels are drastically different.
But not today at 11:30am when his flight arrives. He's getting a tongue lashing.
*
I hope everyone has a great weekend. We will be returning Monday. I'll try to post pictures of the weekend festivities before I pass out from pure exhaustion.
I'm off to be a Happy Camper!
**********
One more thing! A friend of ours has entered a contest to win a brand new home at www.rootbeer.com. He's one of the top 10 finalist. His name is Tom from Wichita. He's number one on the list. Vote for him if you like.
Doing blogger double duty just wears a boy out. I just finished a post over at Victors blog, V-Hold. He's off running around naked and in high heels at Burning Man this week. Seems I'm his servant for the week.
I'll give you all a moment to picture that.
I told the story about my first and only experience being someones Master for the night. I can't believe that I never told the story over here. Oh, don't go rushing over there to get details of the event my pervy friends. That part of the story stays with me. I can't tell the story without getting all embarrassed and stuttering a lot.
Go check it out if you would like to read an entry today with more substance. Trying to think of two things to write about in one day causes my brain to let out a huge fart.
I love my old boss from a previous position here. I hadn't been with the company more then a year yet. I was asked by one of his managers to come be one of his employees. I jumped at the chance. Incredible raise along with monthly bonuses. Didn't know that it would include ungodly hours and tons of overtime. I learned my lesson.
He made coming to work fun. He was a typical hunky straight man, full of himself, cocky, arrogant, funny sense of humor and loud. He was just crazy as a loon. Never a dull moment around this man. His attempts at getting me to go to Hooters for lunch stopped the minute I told him to think about what kind of clientel frequents those places. Men. I wouldn't be staring at the boobs, that's for sure. He stopped asking. One evening day while we drank a beer after work, he asked if I was gay. I told him yes, Gay as a birthday tablecloth. He said he was cool with that. He knew some "gay" people before. Well, YIPPEE! Here's your toaster. He tried to go out of his way to make me feel comfortable. He once even went as far as to buy me Pro-wrestling tickets for an upcoming show and a Pro-wrestling calendar to keep at my desk. He said I as like a mini-Bill Goldberg. Whatever.....I wish. Plus, he thought I would find the guys hunky. He never understood why I wouldn't hang my new calendar in my cube. Ever met most Loan Officers? Not so gay friendly from my experience. He told me that if I was ever given any flack by them, to come get him. I never had any trouble. The guys respected me as much as he did. Not sure why. I was constantly riding their asses to make sure they did their job correctly.
He was hungry for Black Eyed Pea one morning. I said I knew of one close by where we could go for lunch. It was in the gayborhood, but I wasn't going to tell him that. While we're standing there waiting for our table, I can see his eyes darting around the room. Noticing that it was predominantely Men. Gay men to be exact. Guys were checking him out left and right. As we were walking to our table, being escorted by a flaming homosexual, he kept turning to look around. Once we sat down, he said in a hushed voice "I think some of these guys were checking out my ass". I said yes, that's probalby true. Among other things. He proceeds to stand up in the middle of the restaurant and ask me if I thought he had a cute ass. He thought that a gay man would give him an honest opinion. Our friendship would forever be changed from that day on.
Just a few moments ago, I hear "GOLDBERG!!!" It's him. He hasn't changed. It's been a few years since I've seen him. He walks up puts me in a choke hold, gives me a noogy, punches my arm as hard as he can and hollers, "What's up Marky Mark!!???" I should be embarrassed by this point, but I'm not. I wouldn't expect anything less from him.
I've been pretty damn lucky when it comes to the bosses I've had. I can't say any of my bosses have been like him though.
Now if they only PAID me more. That's a topic for another day......
