Just a quickie today folks. About a month ago someone contacted me through gay.com and asked if they could speak to me about buying a home. I've worked in the mortgage business for almost 12 years now. So, we talked and I gave him some advice and contact information. He calls me out of the blue Thursday and wanted to take me to breakfast today as payback for my help. It was very sweet of him. I've usually had to do a LOT more to get breakfast from someone.
Secondly, a fellow blogger from far away, whom will remain anonymous unless he deems otherwise, contacted a local restaurant and had a large amount of food brought over for me so I don't have to cook while I'm cooped up in the duplex this weekend. I couldn't believe it. He's a wonderful person and the sweetest guy with a huge heart.
I should take a moment and thank all bloggers that I feel I've become friends with since I started. I don't want to list all your names. I'm sure you know who you are. I'm just constantly amazed at the kindness and generosity of strangers.
Bloggers that are Friends......we should call them BLENDS.
I'm starting a trend. Spread the word.
Just got back from the doc. It seems that I have Bronchitis. So anyone wanting hot phone sex over the next few days from a Vin sounding twin, I'm your man. Contact me and I'll give you my number.
Hope you don't mind me blowing my nose, hacking and coughing inbetween me talking dirty.
I'm going to start my own phone sex line. Not only because I know how to talk really dirty, but my voice is an octave lower with a slight gutteral growl to it today. I feel like I'm one step away from sounding like my future husband Vin Diesel.
This cold that's been lingering off and on for two weeks seems worse when I woke up this morning. So, I figured I might as well make some money off of it, especially if I'm cooped up inside the duplex this entire weekend. Please, I'm all talk.
Funny thing is, anyone who has ever had sex with me knows I'm not very verbal. More action then words kinda guy. Yup, thats me. Some guys out there talk so much during sex, I just want to take the jock strap they just took off and shove it in their mouth just to have some peace and quiet. Now, a few words, phrases and moans occasionally is fine.
Ok....if I were putting my entries in catagories, this one would be listed under Too Much Information.
I'm off to dope myself up on cold medication.
p.s. I've been chatting with a few of you off and on through messenger services. If you want to say howdy, here are my screen names:
AIM = Nebrkid1
Yahoo! = mthaut3637
MSN = mthaut@hotmail.com
I was standing at the vending machine waiting to get my morning ritual of donuts and milk and the guy in front of me bought two bags of Spicy Pork Rinds. I'm sure you know what they are. They take the skin/fat from a pig, chop it into little bitty pieces and fry it for your enjoyment. I swear you can see pig hairs on them. It's bad enough that this product exist in the first place, but who in their right mind eats pork rinds for breakfast? I've been known to eat the occasional piece of leftover pizza, but the thoughts of fried pig fat in my mouth sends my body into convulsions. I was actually dared to eat a piece once. It only took 3 seconds before my body said no and got rid of it.
I remember when I was a kid, my grandfather had some very unique eating habits. He loved to snack on canned tamales, vienna sausages and sardines. I can honestly sit here and say there isn't anything out of the ordinary that I would put in my mouth that would cause people to blow chunks just by seeing me eat.
Oh, I enjoy the occasional MacDonalds french fries and dipping them in a chocolate shake. When I was a youngin', I would to eat peanut butter sandwiches with pringles potato chips smashed between the bread. I don't consider those bizarre or out of the ordinary. Or is it?
Do you have any odd eating habits?
I got a call today from a long lost friend. He left Atlanta 3 years ago to move to Las Vegas. He was to stop on his way here in Dallas to spend some time with me before moving on. I never heard from him since the day he called and said he was on his way. Many of us were worried about him and wondered what had happened. We had no way of contacting him and figured he'd call when he got settled. I guess 3 years later, he's settled. He caught me up on his life and told me how horrible Vegas was and that he and his best friend were moving to Houston in April. He's a man I call Daddy Dan.
Little over ten years ago, I was living in Kansas City Missouri. One Sunday afternoon, I went to the Dixie Bell for their weekly Beer Bust. Five dollars, all you can drink for 4 hours. Needless to say, it was a festive afternoon. I wasn't there five minutes and I saw this man wearing cut-off jean shorts, wife beater tank-top, combat boots, military high and tight haircut, finished off with a beautiful goatee. Only thing he needed to complete his Daddy Drag Ensemble was a big ol' cigar.
Then I hear in a gruff voice, "Get over here cutie!" as he grabs me and pulls me between his legs to get a closer look I guess. He introduced himself to me as Daddy Dan. Three hours and many beers later, he carried me out of the bar. Literally. Out of the blue he said we were going home, picked me up, threw me over his shoulders and we headed out the bar. Dan was always one to make a scene, try to be funny and make people laugh. Dan is the type of man who knew everyone in the bar, the bartenders were his best friends, and if he wanted to get to know you nothing stopped him.
We went home and spent the entire night talking on the floor of his living room. That was it. Talking. Yet it was one of the most wonderful nights I've spent with someone. We spent hours talking about family, friends, life, work, HIV, etc. We started dating from that moment on.
Dan loved to go out to the bars. What an experience that is, let me tell you. It was normal to have him holler at me across the bar and say:
"Mark! Come smell this guys armpits! They are GREAT!"
"Mark! Come see this guys dick! It's HUGE!"
"Mark! You have to come feel this guys balls!"
"Mark! Come meet these guys. Want to take them home and play?"
It got to the point where I cringed every time I heard my name being called. You never know what he was doing or planning. I was young and hadn't been out that many years and this world was very foreign to me. There was never a dull moment with this man. We ended up just being friends within a few months. I have many stories of the trouble he and I got into over the years. Many I'm too embarrassed to tell in my NC-17 rated blog. Ok, maybe I'm more of a PG-13 or possibly R-rated, but still.
It was wonderful hearing from him yesterday and getting caught up in his life. Many memories came flooding back at that moment. He wants to meet in Houston for a weekend once he gets settled in.
I think I need to warn the proper authorities that we'll be together and out on the town.
UPDATE: Should have told you why we never heard from him. While on his way through Dallas, he encountered a storm which included many Tornados, so they just hightailed it through the city and kept going. He started work in Vegas and was swamped from day one. One thing lead to another and he realized he hadn't called in a very long time and was basically embarrassed to pick up the phone. He also didn't want to call and tell us how much moving to Vegas was a big failure. He wanted to get his life in order before calling us. But just like good friends, time didn't matter.
There are fleeting moments, and I do mean fleeting, when I envy everyone getting inches (don't be dirty, not those kind) or feet of snow dumped on them like the Midwest and East Coast has gotten during the past few days. Growing up in Nebraska, we would get the occasional 5 inches, followed by another 6-7 a couple days later, followed by a blizzard. This would include temperatures averaging 6 degrees and winds blowing like crazy.
I wasn't allowed to play outside during the winter when I was growing up. I was notorious for getting Bronchitis or Pneumonia every season due to the cold weather, so I was kept bound and gagged and hidden inside if temps dropped below 40.
Hmm, bound and gagged.....
So I hear everyone talking about being snowed in and I get jealous. Here in Dallas, if we get ONE INCH of snow our city shuts down. It's all over the news, schools and banks close their doors and people flock to grocery stores like Armageddon is about to start. These people that own enormous SUV's think they are impervious to anything and are the first people you'll find in a ditch along the side of the road. One inch of snow doesn't keep me at home though.
It will take 7 inches or more to keep me at home.
I just remember being cooped up at home while my mom baked cookies, dad cursing loudly while he shoveled the sidewalk and I spent the day drawing and doing crafts. I couldn't go out side and build a snowman or anything so I had to find something to do. Even if I could go outside, have you ever gone sledding in Nebraska?
You won't find anything very big to go down on.
So I hope all of you that are snowed in can enjoy using your snow blowers, making snowmen, throwing snowballs, drinking hot chocolate topped with whiped cream while wearing your fuzzy pajamas to keep your bottom warm.
Hope you all don't mind me sharing these little moments I have with my mother. I called my mom as I normally do on a Monday morning, to get caught up and talk about what we did over the weekend.
While we were conversing, she said, "Oh My GOODNESS, there goes my husband sliding all the way down our 40 foot driveway!".
"You had better go out and check on him to make sure he's OK", I said.
"Naw he's a tough ol' bird. I'm not getting out there in this blizzard. Plus, the farm is surrounded by electrical fence, so that will stop him. Never know, it might even warm him up a bit".
She's an ornery ol' fart.
Went out Friday with everyone and hung out at Mickey's. Did the usual. Drank and acted silly. Came home with not one single exciting thing to tell you all about other then running into Weinerschnitzel Boy. Again, he said hi then stood there waiting for me to either chew him a new asshole for not calling me or just waiting me to say something. I didn't feel compelled to do either. He gave me a kiss on the cheek again, and left. This was an exact repeat of our meeting a week ago. Guess his testicles have yet to drop.
Went out Saturday to my Ex D's birthday party at his place. Did the usual. Drank and acted silly. Came home with not one single exciting thing to tell you all about. I really should have stayed home, but I wanted to see him and wish him well. I was fine up until he said to me, "You're still my sweet pea", and gave me a big hug. Yeah, he could have thought of a better pet name to give me while we were dating, but it was sweet none the less.
I spent Sunday nursing my stuffy medicine head/coughing up a lung/chop my nose off/wishing you could die thing I've had for the past two weeks. Can't seem to completely shake this nasty bug. I know. Drinking Friday and Saturday probably didn't help my situation. I'll be getting my lecture the minute I call momma this morning, but thank you for your concern.
Spent the afternoon watching E! cover the Golden Globe Awards for hours on end. Why I sat there and watched the most worthless hours of TV leading up to the actual awards show, I have no clue. Joan Rivers has to be the most irritating person on the planet.
So now it's Monday and the start of another busy week at work.
Boy.....I have nothing. Aren't you glad y'all stopped by to read todays entry? I promise this week to meet exciting people, do life altering things and get laid a bunch just so I can have something to write about.
My Mother called me to tell me some news about my neice. She's six months pregnant and started having major labor pains yesterday. After a short stay in the hospital and given something to stop the labor, mama and baby are fine.
Mother had to throw in an extra little tidbit.
"They checked everything out and the baby is fine. She's also still a girl", my Mother said.
"She's still going to be a girl? What do you mean?", I asked.
"Well, hasn't grown a penis yet", Mother replied.
Pardon me a moment. I need to go upstairs and pour peroxide in my ears to forever get out the sound of hearing my 76 year old Mother say, "hasn't grown a penis yet".
*sigh*....now I see where I get it.
There are reasons I don't want to go out with my co-workers for a beer or any other sort of social activity outside of work:
I'm trying to get my morning cup of joe, and trust me Mr. Sister, it's not pretty if you get in my way. I'm having to reach around your ass for the sugar, then reach around your friends ass for the cream.....(dammit, I forgot a stir-thingy) reach around your ass AGAIN, all while you just continue to stand there going on about how your man doesn't treat you right. Oh, let me start counting the reasons why he doesn't missy. I hadn't been to work 5 minutes and I'm ready to bitch-slap someone. For some people, caffeine is a friend, but for me it's a necessity to function in the morning and to keep me from clawing your blue eyeshadow covered eyes out.
Have you ever gone to pee while you're at work, and while standing there with your Johnson in your hand taking care of business, up walks a co-worker and decides now that now is the time to have a conversation about Bush's State of the Union address? Oh no, don't try stopping by my desk or catch me in the hallway. OH! Here's a thought, talk to me while I'm getting my morning coffee in the breakroom. No, wait until I'm stroking Wilbur (Thanks, Ed) to ask me how things are going in my life and continue the conversation even when your finished and I'm not done yet. I'm not a pee-shy kind of guy. I never have been, but thats a subject for another day. Could you step back at least and let me do my duty?! PLUS, if we're going to have a conversation holding our willies for ten minutes at a urinal, could you at least bother washing your hands before leaving the restroom? Remind me to never eat at one of your departments potluck luncheons.
And if you're sitting next to me in the stall in the bathroom, I do NOT want to hear, "Hey, what's up?" the minute I sit down, so I can reply......"(quiet voice) ummm, not much?". Just to find out that your sorry ass thinks your calls are so friggen important that you have to talk on your cell phone while taking a shit. Could you at least wait until you've finished wiping your butt and washed your hands!? I'm sure your friend would appreciate not hearing any bodily functions and flushy noises throughout the conversation. I don't need to hear about your upcoming plans for the weekend while I do number two! Remind me to never ever borrow your cell phone. That's just nasty. I mean, I've even seen a commercial on TV similar to this situation and have heard stories of people doing the same thing. I NEVER thought I would fall for it too.
And ANOTHER thing, if you are a really handsome, muscular, eat-you-up-alive, slap-dat-ass, want-to-have-monkey-sex Information Technolgy guy that I've had a wanna-boil-a-rabbit-on-your-stove crush on for the past 3 years, do NOT come up behind my chair at my desk, lean over my shoulders and play a tapdance on my chest with those big rough masculine hands of yours and ask me a business question while the back of my head is in your crotch. THEN, turn around and while walking down the hall an hour later, put your arm around my neck and continue discussing the subject. Every girl in the department is asking me when we're going out on a date. I know this guy. He must just be a touchy-feely kinda person. That's it I swear. I need a cold shower.
As for the girl in my department who always brings food from home to eat at her desk over lunch. Could you bring something that doesn't smell like rank butt? Did you scrape up dinner off of Loop 12? If it causes me to start walking around the cube farm with my nose up in the air, making scrunchy faces, asking if someone farted, you might want to re-think what you make for dinner or eat outside.
And people wonder why Friday night I like to go out and have a couple cocktails or ten.
There are times when I'm at a loss for words.....
The picture below was taken on Thanksgiving Day at the Duplex. After a wonderful dinner, most people were lounging around, feeling the effects of Tryptophan and having a glass of wine. Unfortunately, I was next door doing something. Hell, it was a while back and I've slept since then. I can't remember shit.
From what I heard, a friend of mine had gone into the dining room only to find Palin on the table with his face buried in a glass of red wine. My dog likes to dabble in the spirits now and then. He LOVES red wine. Doesn't mind a little white wine either. Like father, like son. It wasn't a few moments later when he's found with his face buried in a basket of crescent rolls. Once he gets a chunk of human food in his mouth there is NO getting it away from him (plus a treat here and there doesn't hurt). I guess he needed something to soak up the wine in his stomach. You try to take food away from him and you might be missing a digit.
He might be small, but he's mighty.
Reminds me of my favorite quote:
"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a King, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahua's with some good ideas"
As I was playing around on the computer last night, I see a familiar face pop up on my buddy list. He's the first guy I ever met my first time getting online 8 years ago. We talked for hours that first night and for many nights since then. There are times when we might not have contact for a little while, but it's like time has stood still once we chat, phone or see each other. Last night was no exception.
I was a Corporate Compliance Auditor for my company for a little over two years. I had a branch audit to perform in Portland Oregon where he lives, so I was given the chance to meet him. As I got out of the car, I spotted him immediately. I got that floofy feeling in my stomach the minute I laid eyes on him. It wasn't like I was meeting him for the first time. We had been talking for years at that point, so it was like meeting someone I already knew. We spent the evening having a wonderful dinner and drinks. The time I spent with him was unforgettable and something I hold very close to my heart. I'll never forget it. I actually remember being teary eyed as I boarded the plane the next day. I didn't want to leave.
We joke and kid with each other about being internet husbands and it being the longest relationship that either one of us has ever had. We both know if circumstances were different, we were living in the same city, planets were in the correct alignment.......
Life throws us some funny curves, doesn't it?
I love you CW.....you mean the world to me.
I recently bought a new digital camera and wanted to test it out taking pics of my drawings and glass. I'm currently having old slides from college converted to jpeg format so I can ad links here to show my work. I also want to use the camera for new work. Below is an example of an early drawing of mine done back in 1992 and Hand Blown Glass I made in Grad School. Guess my camera doesn't do too bad.
View 3'x2' Charcoal/Graphite Drawing
Do I understand? That's my problem. I don't remember much of the German language that I learned while in Highschool and College. After four years in Highschool, most of us in class could carry on a decent (although not completely correct) conversation in German. We might accidently call someone a coffe table, but for the most part, we got our point across. We had a rule, that if we spoke to anyone from our class during the day, we had to speak in German only. Points were taken away for using English. It made for difficult and embarrassing conversations at times, but you learned very quickly. College was no different, although classes were more structured and what we were taught was more appropriate and complex.
I wanted to learn the language because of my Father. I can remember being about 4-5 years old sitting on my fathers lap, while he and his siblings sat around the table smoking, drinking coffee and talking in German. First German I can remember he taught me. My Uncle Clarence would look at me when I seemed confused and ask, "Verstehen Sie, kleine Junge?" (do you understand little boy) and I looked up at my Dad and he said, "Say, Ja!". I came back with a very enthusiastic, JA! I remember the family laughing and rubbing my head. I remember being so proud. Clueless, but proud.
Over the years I learned small little phrases that a young kid could learn. I fondly remember my Father always referring to me as his "Kleine Scheistkopf". It sounded very endearing at the time until I learned later on that he was calling me his Little Shithead. Thanks, Pop.
That was what prompted me to learn German in the first place. So I could speak with my Dad. Sadly, by the time I was in Highschool my Dad has lost most all his brothers and sisters tragically to cancer or alzheimers. They had all stopped speaking the language years ago. My Dad would struggle trying to have a small conversation with me, but I didn't mind though. We said what we could.
I've pretty much lost all that I learned. Hell, I had trouble carrying on a small conversation with a Lufthansa Flight Attendent I met a couple years ago. He walks up and starts speaking to me in German. We converse for a few minutes before I have to tell him thats all I know.
So tonight I'm going home and making a favorite family dish called Runza's. It was a dish made by German families in the Midwest after World War II. We even have a chain of restaurants called Runza Drive Inns all over Nebraska.
Yeah, Pop would be proud.
Friends are leaving today, puppies are going home, the trick was kicked out the front door (*update: I wish there was someone to kick out, but alas there isn't, just wishful thinking).....it's going to be quiet around the duplex. It has been a hell of a weekend. I feel like staying home and staying away from the rest of the civilized world for the next few weeks. So, I wake up this morning to a sore throat, cough and stuffy nose. I guess the weekend is catching up with me and my wish of being a hermit will come true. It's time to read, watch TV, catch up on movies, stuff my face and get frisky with my comforter for a while. Doing laundy and cleaning house will be on the to-do list also. I know y'all are jealous.
My buddy R brought over the new computer he built for me. Lately, I've been using my roommates 'puter. Now I won't have to hide all the x-rated pics and porn. Not that I have any of that. *cricket noises*
Other then that small amount of mindless dribble, I'm pretty much empty. Hopefully, some profound thoughts will come to mind between now and tomorrow. *fingers crossed*
Our friends V & J are in town visiting from El Paso and brought their family with them as you can see in my arms. I've never seen so many little bundles of energy in my life. They're on the go non-stop. There's a fourth one running around, but it was difficult as it was to get three to sit still for one second. My neighbors T & G are keeping two of them. Yikes. They're both female. My dog Palin is going to be the horniest Chihuahua in Dallas.
I'm thinking again, so bear with me.
During the past couple weeks, I've had two of my medications reduced from twice-a-day pills to one pill once-a-day. My other two meds are already once-a-day pills. Before, I had to take approximately 5 in the morning and 5 at night. I had a flashback a few moments ago, when I took my 5 pills for the only time today.
Twelve years ago, I was given AZT only. The dosage was near 40 pills a day, not including vitamins and antibiotics. I had friends who were on worse regimen then myself. Eventually, with the advent of new medications, the types of meds changed, but the numbers stayed the same - 10 pills in the morning, before I ate, 2 after I ate, 10 more in the afternoon with food, 10 more at night with meals, some without, some with fatty foods, some not, others with tons of water, etc. I needed a dayplanner and an alarm clock just to figure it all out. No wonder we didn't want to take the meds, forgot the meds or that they made us sick.
So now I sit here and take 4 types of meds, yet only 5 pills with no side effects. Once a day....
Thank God times have changed. Makes me excited about what the future holds for advancement.
A few things have come to my attention within the last few days. You've probably already guessed that I think too much at times.
I was speaking with my mother a couple days ago. She was complaining about her arthritis, needing a hip replaced, being extremely forgetful, etc. I reminded her that she's 76 years old. She was quick to respond (don't bring up the age subject with her), "Well honey, you're almost 35". I'm 38 and had to remind her of that. I hadn't realized how much my mother has aged until my last visit home.
I met this beautiful latin kid who kept referring to me as Papi and Daddi. He repeatedly told me he was really into older men. *ahem*
Recently had to acquire new glasses. The strength was stronger, I have a stigmatism and they're bifocal.
I can't remember shit.
I watched the season opener of The Real World San Diego on MTV. Ten years ago, I was glued to the television for every episode that aired. I spent the entire time watching the new show irritated with how these young kids acted.
My hips hurt when I walk long distances.
If I go out and tear up the town, it takes me a good 3 days to fully recover. Remember the days of drinking like a fish 3-4 nights out of the week, going to class the next morning, working your part-time job, doing your homework, only to go out and drink again the next night? And it didn't phase you?
Tempted to walk up to some kid and yank his pants up because they're down around the middle of his ass and complain about how kids dress these days.
The days of my youth (the 80's) are considered Retro.
If I ever go dancing, I can handle one song. Then I have to rest. I use to dance nonstop for hours.
Not getting into the balding and greying issue.
I'm just finding it hilarious, that some of the things I hear coming out of my mouth are the same things my father use to say to ME.
The old saying goes, "You're only as old as you feel". Do I feel old? For the most part, not really. I'm just realizing that we're all maturing. That's my whole point of this entry. Every year, I'm just thankful that I'm alive and kickin'.
Just letting you know though, this boy doesn't need Viagra yet. All my plumbing is working just fine, so don't even go there.
I work in a prison cell cube. I'm not privileged enough to have my own office. You have to be VP status or above to acquire a 6x8 foot office. I've had closets bigger then that. My cube doesn't even have 6 foot walls. No my friends, I have a 5x5 foot cube with 4 foot walls. I'm not able to play games and surf questionable sites (which I wouldn't do anyway) since I'm in plain view of my entire department. I can't even have a phone conversation without having someone around me listening in and commenting about what I was talking about. If I have computer problems and want to throw a tantrum and yell FUCK! SHIT! DAMN!, I can't. You can't make any sort of bodily function noises without the entire department hearing.
The reason I'm telling you all this? I just got an email from my roomie. I opened up the attachment and in full view, pops up a large picture of a woman's shaved VAGINA. Can't wait for the google searches to my site now. It had to do with the Democrats new ad campaign or something along those lines. I had no time to read it so your guess is as good as mine. Just as the wonderful picture pops up on my screen, my manager had to be right behind me and hells "WHOA! What the hell was that!?" Luckily, he's the coolest manager and I know probably wants me to forward the email to him.
I've said before that I don't embarrass easily. I'm still flushed.
I'm just glad I didn't eat breakfast this morning.
My neighbor T and I went out to Hamburger Mary's for dinner. It just opened recently, and we wanted to give it a try. It reminded me of a bowling alley diner, but the food and atmosphere was good. After having a Marytini, which by the way has Tang in it, we decided to head to Mickey's for a couple drinks.
It wasn't long and Artesia and Aspen tried to get me to sign up for the amateur strip contest. First off, I'm no amateur. Secondly, what is it with drag queens trying to get me to strip? My underwear had a hole in it and I had to resist. I eventually had to have T go take my name list since they decided to sign me up anyway. I didn't know they made the strippers keep their clothes off until the final judging. What the hell? It was cold last night! My Boys and the Soldier would have completely disappeared up into my body.
Like I would ever follow through anyway. Although, I did almost have enough Tarantula Tequila to make me perform the Helicopter trick.
Just hung up the phone with my mother. God love her. Just as a reminder, I'm 6 foot tall and 155 pounds. I have to eat like a horse to gain any sort of weight. My mother called specifically to ask me if I've tried any of those new SlimFast Meals.
Um.....*cricket noises*.....no.
I'll admit, that the past couple weeks I've been in a funk. Usually, it takes me quite a while to figure out the cause of said funk. Reasons for this past couple weeks? I knew right away.
Now, I promised myself I wouldn't discuss a specific guy I like, have a crush on, I'm chasing, went on a date with, etc. If I do meet someone special, I'll probably tell you about it a couple months down the road. Nothing like telling everyone that you've met the most wonderful man that cares for you, treats you wonderfully, everything you've ever dreamed in in a man, only to have to turn around and tell all your friends that it didn't work out....two weeks later.
After I started reading other peoples blogs, I actually as amazed at the number of bloggers that had a boyfriend, lover, husband, spouse, significant other, boink buddy or whatever term you prefer to use. Sometimes I feel that in Dallas, I'm in the land of the Single People, or the land of Open Relationships. I've been down the latter road before, and not taking it again. It just wasn't for me. I'm not saying it's wrong. It's a form of relationship that works for many couples. I just prefer to be with one man. I'm a firm believer, in whatever form of relationship works for you, then so be it.
I was talking with my roomie last night about the date he had over the weekend. Eventually he asked, "So, who was the last person you dated?". Damn, I actually had to sit and think about that one. He didn't even know. It had definitely been a while. It seems that I've stopped dating and haven't realized it. The Roomie asked me why. So, there in the restaurant we talked about relationships.
I've had crushes that weren't reciprocated. Had mutual flirtation between me and guys I liked, only to have them stop talking to me out of the blue. I've been hit on, only to have them change their mind in midstream. I've met what seemed to be a great guy who I thought felt the same about me, only to never hear from him again after a few weeks. I've met guys with way too much baggage for the average human being to handle. I've met guys who said HIV was not an issue, they still wanted to date, only to have them change their mind. I won't even get to the guys that are just plain freaks once you get to know them.
I know I've not gone through anything that the average gay man hasn't already gone through before. We all go through the same things at some point in our lives. Lately, I feel like I've become Anti-Man, or Anti-Dating.
Daddy had commented on another entry, that he could help when it comes to catching a husband. What I think should happen, is Y'all should get together and write a book. You know it would be a best seller and you would make millions. I'm just sayin'.
I know I would buy a copy.
12:00pm - watched porn, got out of bed, showered, dressed
12:15pm - ate lunch at Taco Bueno
12:45pm - looked for new music at Tower Records
01:30pm - watched a movie
03:30pm - ate lunch again my roommate made
04:00pm - took a nap
06:00pm - ate dinner (leftovers)
06:30pm - watched a movie
08:30pm - surfed for hot guys on www.bear411.com and www.bigmuscle.com and on www.gay.com
08:45pm - decided I wouldn't find me Mr. Right Now
09:00pm - ate a snack (I'm finally getting full)
09:22pm - started putting in this entry because I'm bored shitless and can't think of anything else to do with my time to amuse myself. One can only watch soooo much porn
09:23pm - contemplating going out to have a drink
09:24pm - decided against going out
09:25pm - devising a plan to get a boyfriend since my life seems really pathetic right now
09:26pm - giving up devising a plan for a future ex-husband and going upstairs to read, watch TV, watch more porn and finally, cuddle with my pillows
This one's funny though. At least to me. I normally don't post more then once a day, but what the hell, get over it.
When I was living in Lawrence Kansas and attending Kansas University, my roommate Jennifer had a cat. I preface all this by saying that I love cats, but I'm severely allergic and I'm not around them very often. Her pussy was pure evil. I swear it's the cat from Pet Cemetary. The thing was known to attack, bite, scratch for no reason other then sport. It wasn't until the electrocution did things go from bad to worse. Seems demon kitty decided to chew on a cord that was plugged into an outlit. Next thing we know, lights flicker, cat screams and we see smoke. The posessed one comes staggering around the corner with smoke coming out of his mouth and most of the hair is cinged from his face. That side of his face never worked again and kind of drooped all the time. Even his meow had changed to a low gutteral, gurggling scream after that. You thought he was evil before? Months following, he'd sit on the bar next to the front door and loved to pounce on you while dragging your ass in at 3am in the morning. He'd somehow get in your chest of drawers and jump out and attack when you opened the drawer. He would sit on a dining room chair and swat at your legs trying to scratch you as you walked by. He was even mean to my roommate Jennifer.
After a long time of dealing with this, Jennifer decided to drive out into the country and drop the cat off at some poor unsuspecting farm house, ten miles outside of town.
You guessed it. Demon seed found his way back to Amittyville house and wasn't happy.
Always wondered what happened to that horrible hunk of fur.
**Disclaimer!! I love my dog! He's a sweetie! He gets all the love and attention he needs! Sheesh.....
I was sitting there watching my dog Palin, who's a tan Chihuahua run around the apartment and play with his food. He was just acting all silly and really seeming to enjoy himself. I had to laugh. Palin has never matched up to my Chow I had in college. I love him to death, but I've never grown as attached to him as I did my Chow.
I bought Church (my Chows name) when he was 6 weeks old. He was housetrained the day I brought him home. Ten minutes after I brought him home, he walked to the door to go outside. I was amazed. He was a dog that while in college, went with me everywhere. Even when I was student teaching at Kansas University, he was allowed to be with me in class. He would often roam the halls of the Art and Design Department, greeting the students. When I would spend my evenings blowing glass at our studio, he laid right outside the door, watching daddy for hours. If you ever saw me, you probably saw my dog. We were inseparable. After a couple years, I was doing a craft fair in the city of Topeka Kansas. It was around 110 degrees in the shade. I had Church stay with friends for the day. They decided he needed fresh air and put him in a fence for a couple hours. He was dead by the time I got home of heat stroke.
Losing him was no different then losing a family member to me. My family, being the kind hearted people that they are, took it upon themselves to buy me another Chow. Then a few months later, another Chow. I now had two chows named Syn (short for Synagogue) and Maximillion. Stupidest dogs on the planet. Due to the fact I moved to Kansas City, I gave the dogs away to good families that lived on farms.
I gave up trying to get another pet for a few years. After I moved to Dallas, I decided to get a small dog that I could have in an apartment. A Chihuahua seemed like the perfect dog. They are the type of dog that belongs with a retired couple that loves having a dog sitting in their lap the entire time it's awake and something they love putting cute little sweaters on. I'll admit, they're not he butchest dog in the world. But damn, they require so much attention! I still have Palin and he's my sweetie eight years later.
I just miss the days of having my dog Church.
What kind of pets do y'all have or did have?
This boy went out and had way too much to drink last night. I hate it when I go out during a school night with big intentions of having, oh a couple of drinks, and before you know it, you're hanging out with some lesbian whom you just met who looks just like Hilary Swank, her straight friend, who isn't that straight and you're singing Karaoke at 1am. I headed out around 8pm and showed up at Mickey's, which has become our new Moby's.
Our old bar was sold and bought out by a guy that owns the local Leather bar, The Eagle. All of our bartenders migrated from Moby's to Mickey's and of course like sheep, we flock to wherever they go. It's a beautiful bar but it's going to take a while getting use to as our new haunt. I didn't seem to have a problem last night. Redact was there when I arrived. I blame him for my drunken stupor. But I love him anyways. Ok, fine. It's all my fault.
I also saw my friend V and my little buddy R. I'm so glad they could all see me in my drunken state. You know it's bad when my friend V (the group drunk) tells me that he's never seen me like this and R kept asking me whats wrong because he's also never seen me like that. Obviously, R has never seen a grown man slur his speech, make giggly noises and grope his crotch. I don't think he minded the groping part. My God, Patsy from Ab Fab would have been proud. If you were a cute boy? I probably hit on you. No WONDER I never get laid. I could have been speaking in tongues for all they knew.
I even remember talking to our friend W who does drag as Cher. I think I talked to him about how hot his boyfriend was and whether or not we should attempt a three-way. We were discussing the idiosyncrasies of having sex with makeup on. I could have had sex with Cher and her boyfriend last night. I'm going to hell.
I'm never drinking again.
I can't wait to go out Friday night.
After a couple comments and a few personal emails, seems some of you really want to know about the experience with the psychic who now resides in New York City. I debated over and over in my head deciding about putting up this entry. Since I have NO clue what to write today, I guess here goes......
When I first moved to Dallas, things were rough. Making friends seemed like an impossibility and I became very lonely. I found myself going out almost every night of the week drinking and partying. I was not taking care of myself at all. During the midst of all this debauchery, I was introduced to a friend of a friend. He introduced himself and told me he's a psychic and has been voted Dallas' number one psychic since he was 17 years old. He was 21 when we met. I found it odd that he wouldn't shake hands, hug or touch in any manner. We continued to chat for about 5 minutes before they got ready to head out. When he got ready to leave he hugged me then immediately backed away, leaned forward and whispered, "Stop treating your body this way".
Months had passed and I never ran into him. Eventually, a couple years later I pass him coming out of Moby's and he stopped to say Hi. This time he hugged me......and wouldn't let go. We hugged there in front of the bar for at least 10 minutes as he whispered many things in my ear. Many things I really don't want to give details about. I'm an open book in my blog it seems, but some things are meant to be private. This was one instance. He lets go and says that he can't make physical contact me for a very long time anymore. It drained him so much he ended up going straight back home. It helps him to physically touch someone to see anything highly substantial, but not always required.
He said he was moving to New York and wanted to give me a free reading before he left. I agreed.
I show up at the book store he was working for at the time. We start our reading with tarot cards. The cards showed many things that were going on in my life. I was able to ask the cards questions about anything I wanted. Everything was again 100% on. It wasn't until he stated that he sensed my father and grandmother over my shoulders in the room did I panic. Both have passed away a few years ago at that point. I had always sensed them in a way. Never told anyone about my feelings. I didn't want to be made fun of. He told me not to be afraid of admitting my fears and insecurities about their presence. He sat there and described my grandmother and my father to me in extreme detail. Describing both of them as they were when they were in good health. I had sensed my grandmother before and always heard her say, "You're not listening to me". First thing he told me about my grandmother was that she was upset for me not listening to her.
He tells me about my father and that he's been with me ever since his death 5 years prior. He said he knew I never visited my fathers grave since the day he died because I sensed his presence around me. I felt no need to go. My father was ok with that. My friend asked if there was anything I wanted to ask my father. At that point, I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably. After gaining my composure, I told him to ask him if he was proud of me. Now, I know you're all sitting there thinking, "Well hell yeah, he's going to tell me that my father is proud of me". That's not the point. I just wanted to have someone else confirm it for me. Remember from previous entries, my father was not a man of emotion.
He leans over, grabs my hand and says, "Very much so....."
I just remember leaving with such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. He didn't really tell me anything profound or anything I didn't already know. Did he have a gift? Did he really see my father and grandmother? Did he just get lucky and make stuff up that was dead on? Was he a fake? I don't know. I don't care.
What mattered to me, was that I felt better.
I could just sit here and ramble about the problems here at work and the pricks I work with on a daily basis, but I'm not going to bore you nor me with that trivial information. Plus, it makes my blood pressure rise and that's not a good thing. I want to live past the age of 38.
Yesterday I came across a horoscope website at Connexion. I'm not going to say what yesterday's horoscope stated since it regards something I've complained about on a frequent basis. It did get my mind racing. Something that's been floating around in my head, all of the sudden, seemed to be confirmed. Then I come back to reality and feel like the biggest dork. Why do I even take stock in something like this?
There's a reason.
It was the summer of 1995. Friends and I decided to spend a day at the Renaissance Festival in Kansas City. I passed a group of palm readers and decided to waste 10 bucks. She proceeds to tell me things about my life and my past that were 100% dead on. She tells me that she sees me moving to Dallas Texas. I had accepted a position in Dallas about a week before. She said that I would have a need to be near water, preferably an ocean and would not spend the rest of my life there. Then she paused. She told me I needed to be near water as a form of purification. She leans in and quietly tells me that I will live a lot longer then the doctors tell me and that Dallas was the key. I had found out I was HIV+ approximately a year before and was told to have my affairs in order. I was told I would have 3 years to live. The reason I took the job in Dallas was because of a doctor here that was making major advancements in the treatment of HIV.
I'll admit. She was good.
A week later, I'm in midtown Kansas City doing a little shopping and notice a sign for a free psychic reading. I walk into this little shop full of crystals, incense and books on palm reading, auras and communing with the dead. I sign up and wait my turn. As I sit down, the woman draped in an outfit befitting Stevie Nicks, immediately grabs a bag of lavender seeds, crushes them between here palms and covers my entire body with the seeds. Of course, this draws much attention from around the room. She leans in and whispers, "You need a cleansing of the blood". She proceeds to also tell me that I'm moving to Dallas, yet I'll eventually have the need to be near water as a form of purification. (Did these women call each other?) Normally she doesn't read palms, but she picked my hand up anyway and tells me that my lifeline is very long and not to worry.
I'll admit. She was good too.
I don't live my life by zodiac or a psychic. I don't read my horoscope on a daily basis and take it very seriously. Being raised Pentecostal, we were always taught that we would be messing with the devil if we did. You can get the boy out of the church, but it's hard to get the church out of the boy.
I have another story about a friend of mine that lives in New York and what he saw when I had a reading. He reads peoples aura's and communes with past loved ones. That's for another time.
I consider myself to be a very level headed person. But things like this make me stop and think.......way too much.
I finally got caught up this weekend reading every single blog on my list. Can I just tell you it takes a while to read all you people? Many listed their New Years Resolutions. Why do we bother making these silly resolutions? I make a commitment to myself to better this part of my life, or not do that anymore, and I fail miserably every single year. I let myself down, beat myself up. I would kick myself in my own ass if I could. I'm not that limber yet.
Maybe I should compose a list of things I know I can accomplish.
2004 Resolutions:
1. Have more sex. (With many more Hispanics/Latins....AND anyone that will have me that is cute, sexy and fun)
2. Continue blogging. (I'm addicted to this and to you all)
3. Make more blogger friends and cultivate the friends that I have met through here already.
4. Go out with friends and enjoy evenings of cocktails and mayhem.
5. Gain weight. (I'm on my way. Gained 2 pounds this week!....don't hate)
6. Meet my first blogger (you know who you are) and continue to meet more.
7. Get promoted at my job and make more money. (ok, this is one of those highly unattainable resolutions)
8. Spend more money because I know I can and will. (Easiest resolution in the list)
9. Continue to practice Yoga. (One of those middle of the road resolutions)
10. Have more sex. (Hey! It's a very important)
I would have to say I'm pretty sure I can attain a guaranteed 8 out of 10 on this list. That's a pretty good start to the new year I have to admit. I think everyone should make a list like this and make yourself feel like you can accomplish something this year. Normally we see loose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, save money and be a better person. All of which are extremely important resolutions. I commend anyone on achieving more demanding goals such as these.
Oh, I know I will have serious resolutions that I physically and mentally will have to struggle with on a daily basis. I'm no different then anyone else. I just choose to keep those resolutions to myself.
No, not THAT kind of quickie. I wish.
Just a quick note to say Hi. I'm heading out to spend a day shopping. Those Christmas gift certificates are burning a hole in my pocket. I'm lucky to have today off from work.
So off I go!
Later Taters!
Could I have drank ANY more last night? My intention was to have a nice mellow evening out with a few friends, have a couple cocktails, ring in the new year, find a total stranger to kiss at midnight and go home.
A Few friends--check.
Couple of cocktails--more like 10-12.
Ring in the new year--check.
Total stranger to kiss--I was man repellent last night.
Go home--well eventually....like 4am.
I guess that 2 out of 5 isn't bad. I'm just too old for this shit. Now I just need to go shave my tongue. Talk about dry cotton mouth. Blech....
Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Years. May 2004 be one of the best years yet.
Hugs and Kisses!
