Jalal asked yesterday about the fascination that a lot of American men have with Hispanics or Latins and he also mentioned that guys in Pakistan have an affinity for American men. Made me stop and think about the type of men that makes my gut feel all floofy. For me, the whole opposites attract comes into play. I'm tall, slender, green eyes and blonde goatee and I tend to be attracted to men that are stockier, shorter, dark hair and eyes.
When I first came out at the late age of 25, I had a huge thing for Jewish guys. I dated 3 the first couple years I was in Lawrence Kansas going to school. Then my type switched to goths or punks. Loved a guy with body piercings and tons of tattoos, black clothing with a really shitty attitude. I was a glutton for punishment during that time it seemed. Eventually, my type moved towards older men. It wasn't until I moved to Dallas that I noticed my excessive drooling over a short, stocky, well built hispanic. Don't get me started if they also had a beautiful goatee. I would be putty in their hands at that point. I'm even finding younger men intriguing. I wouldn't label me a chicken hawk, but there have been a few lately that have caught my attention.
I've realized during the past couple years that I'm not limiting myself to just a specific type of man anymore. I was commenting to a friend yesterday, that I never want let "the one" slip through my fingers just because he didn't fit the type of guy I normally become jello over.
Life is too short.
What is your type?
While I was back home, I was shopping at our local Mall. It's not much. A town of 24000 people is not going to have much of a Mall to talk about. But as I was checking out the houseware section at Herberger's, I spotted a KitchenAid Mixer. I had to giggle to myself. If my roommate B was there with me, he would be sporting major wood over this little appliance. Redact is the same way. Well, I should say was the same way. He recently received woody relief by purchasing one of those bad boys. I've heard them sit and have long conversations, talking about it's capabilities, the attachments and the variety of colors it comes in. All of this done with astounding fervor.
I just don't get it. It's a mixer. It mixes things. Not to mention it takes up counter space. But it's something I find very strange that they will get a raging hard on about. So, more power to them.
It made me stop and think if there was anything out there that caused me to get a big ol' fat woody that most people wouldn't understand. Something that I'm very passionate about. I've composed the following list that just melts my butter:
(Note: Items are not listed in order of importance)
1. Kenneth Cole Clothing
2. Hand blown glass
3. Rollercoasters
4. George Michael (hey I'm a child of the 80's, gimme a break)
5. An incredible piece of artwork
6. Cheesecake
7. New Orleans
8. Calvin Klein Underwear
9. Hispanic men
10. Chow's (the breed of dog, not your local chinese restaurant)
Hmmm, kind of an odd list. But those are things I absolutely love.
Tell me what gets your loins a pumpin'.
You might be from the Midwest and on Holiday with me, IF......
--You walked out the front door of your Mother's house, walked ten feet and made moo sounds to the 30+ cows out in the field. (Do you know they actually moo back at you?)
--You didn't pay attention that Sally the goat had gotten out of her pen and didn't notice until she head butted you in your ass and knocked you over. (Those SOB's are mean!)
--You watched your Mother's husband attach a weathervane and lightening rod to the house. I am in the country, aren't I?
--You spent Christmas Eve with your Mother's Husbands Daughter and their 8 children up at the main farm house. Her husbands Family and their 3 children and her husbands parents were also present. Who, by the way, are radical Pentecostal Ministers. Once they started singing hymns and preparing to baptize one of the newborn babies, I slipped out the back door, pass the windmill, the goat pen, the chicken coup, the herd of cattle (saying moo as I walked by) and went back to my mothers cottage at the back of the farm. Barely made it out alive.
--You sat and watched the movie Bring It On with your mother and her husband. They thought it was the greatest movie! They rock! Her favorite line? "Missy's the poo.....take a big whiff".
--You hit the ass end of a deer, 2 rabbits, one male pheasant and 2 doves while driving on the country roads. Don't sick PETA on me. Every hit was accidental and a tear was shed for the deer.
--You drove around the city with your family looking at Christmas lights. If I see another pair of reindeer that bob their heads up and down, I'm going postal. Oooo'ing an Ahhh'ing for 2 hours isn't pleasant either. I was ready to call it quits if they wanted to go caroling.
--You finally met someone from Omaha you've been talking to for the past six months. You had a great time getting to know him and he even treated you to a very nice dinner. You had a wonderful time with him. Thank you Paul.
--You realized during your holiday with family, that things aren't the same. Even though you had a wonderful time, you don't really fit in anymore. The place you called home, is now known as the place where you grew up. Despite all this, I still look forward to my next visit.
--You realized that you couldn't wait to get back to the place you can now call home.
You wouldn't believe how happy I am to be back in Dallas. I just got home from a 9 hour drive and the first thing I wanted to do was to put up an entry. I hated not having access to a computer while I was gone. I missed all you guys. I can't wait to get caught up on all your lives and also to tell you about my interesting holiday (to say the least). Well....more eye opening then interesting. Tonight, I'm just going to relax.
Hugs and kisses to everyone.
MUUUAAAAAAH!!!
For those of you that don't know me personally, which is probably everyone (except a few) that visits my blog, I'm not the most approachable person in the world. In fact, most people take one look and think it best not to strike up a conversation with me. I guess its a look I have. The expression I have on my face. Something......
Most of the time, this can be very handy when you're sitting in a coffee shop reading a book or sitting at the bar wanting to have a drink and just think. It's not so great when I try to fly anywhere. For some reason, getting through security is a nightmare. I get pulled off to the side every single time I fly. My shoes are off, my belt is taken off, my pants are unbuttoned, I'm padded down, my bags are gone through thoroughly. I usually have to arrive 2 hours before my flight to make it on time. I will frequently get stopped before I board and searched a second time.
Even a large number of my friends have mentioned thinking I was an asshole just based on looks alone. Then they met me and found out that I'm just a big ol' teddy bear. Sweet as can be. Basically, I've been told that I can be intimidating.
Ok fine, I've been known to be an asshole on occasions, but who hasn't?
This morning I had to get my Explorer serviced before I head home tonight for Nebraska. As I'm waiting in the lounge, sipping my coffee, I was a magnet for conversation. One woman struck up a conversation and was telling me about her crazy relatives. The next woman started telling me the problems her and her husband have been having lately. This adorable man sits down right next to me (20 other seats available) and proceeds to talk to me about the holidays. Another guy trying to speak to me in spanish, while I constantly tell him that I don't speak spanish. Then he tried english. I just nodded politely.
I'm not sure about everyone else, but at 7am, without coffee, I'm not the most pleasant person in the world. But this morning? I was pleasant dammit!!!
Must be the Christmas spirit.
Happy Holidays everyone! I'm leaving tonight to spend next week with family. I'll do my best to put up an entry a few times next week. If I can't, please have a safe holiday season and I'll see you around the 28th.
Hugs and Kisses
All Y'alls minds are in the gutter. You know that, right? I talk about a sore ass yesterday and you assume it's from a good ol' fashioned heels in the air, headboard banging, lubed up, popper sniffing booty poking. Trust me, if that were the case? I'd be giving you vivid details. I'm not even sure what that's like anymore. I live vicariously through the stories of others.
Before I started my blog, I wanted NOT to talk about the men I date or like or want to have a night of wild monkey love. Just makes me look like a complete dork. Guess that rule has been broken.
I've decided I either try to date the "wrong guy" or I repel men. Maybe it's a combination of both. After twenty years of dating experience under my belt, you would think I'd have this down by now or would have met the man of my dreams. Well, that's not the case. I feel like I'm in a version of the movie Ground Hog Day, ala Sex and the City. A constant repetitiveness of my dating experience......over and over. I need to break the cycle. Maybe I've just exhausted all dating possibilities here in Dallas and need to move.
As far as Mr. Weinerschnitzel goes, I'm sure he'll turn out to be a weenie. He sat there and repeatedly told me everything a man wants to hear. Showered me with drinks and compliments. Kissed me ever so tenderly and gingerly held my hand. Followed me to the bathroom for a romantic moment of peeing together. Ok, fine! THAT'S how I saw his Ball Park Frank. Now everyone knows. What was I suppose to do? Make him leave? I really had to pee!!!
I called him like he asked me to the next day. He told me that we should get together sometime. Conversation was very quick and to the point. He said he would call me sometime when he got the chance.
Well honey, I don't need a big red truck running over me to take a hint.
Sorry it took me so long to post today. The IT department has been at my desk at least 10 times trying to figure out why I can't access the internet and my system gives me a "do you want to save crash information?" warning every hour. If I'm told, "Did you reboot?" one more time, I'm cutting their balls off. They go to school for 4 years to ask that question for every problem? When I call the helpdesk I usually preface every call with, "Before we start, yes I DID reboot.....twice". I also gave a pint of blood, my first born son and sucked a few dicks and it STILL doesn't work. What more can I do? I need to change careers.
On a more happy note, we all went to see the midnight showing of LOTR: The Return of the King. It's abso-fucking-lutely the best movie I've seen in quite a long time. It will completely amaze you. Only bad thing, was to be driving home at 4am and getting 3 hours sleep before having to come to work today.
Plus my ass is sore from sitting for 3 hours and 20 minutes.
Did someone get the number of the bus that just ran over my head repeatedly? Last night I hat to run to Moby's to pick up some gifts to take to Bryan's House today. I was standing there gathering gifts when I hear, "Need a shot?". I tried, very politely to say no, but basically I was held down by force and had a tequila shot poured down my throat. Being a lover of tequila there wasn't much resistance. By the time this man forceably poured the 3rd tequila shot down my throat there was no turning back.
He was such a cutie. We spent the rest of the evening chatting, laughing and forcing me to take his free drinks. I told him he didn't have to get me drunk to take advantage of me, but he wouldn't listen. He could have saved so much money. I knew it was a bad sign when I was thinking of signing up for the amateur strip contest. I was sitting there at the bar looking down my pants to see if I had the appropriate underwear on. Thank God I noticed the three boys who looked like they just came from an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot, standing in line to strip next. I decided to let the boys have their fun.
As 2am rolled around, he reminded me to call him today to bitch his ass out for getting me so fucking drunk last night set up a date for sometime this week. The man is an owner of a Weinerschnitzel chain. I'm going out with a man that sells hotdogs. I can hear Redact salivating from here. He loves him some Weinerschnitzel. I personally stay away from any meat by-product filled with lips and assholes.
I personally got to see his Ball Park Frank last night (please don't ask me how), and I'm happy to say I'm looking forward to our date.
I saw the conclusion of Angels in America last night. Amazing. Hundreds of thoughts bounced around inside my head as I quietly cried myself to sleep. It was a powerful film. I personally don't know anyone that became infected around the mid 80's that is still around with us today. I wish I did. I know that there are a few out there. What I wouldn't give for a few hours with them just to sit and talk.
Time for coffee. Damn, I hate Mondays.
One more thing. What do you buy a manager to which you have NO clue what to get him? The only thing I know about the man is that he likes to eat.
Was that an Adult A.D.D entry, or what?!
After sleeping 12 hours, I'm finally up at 11:30 and ready to enjoy my last day off before work tomorrow.
We had our Christmas Cocktail party Friday night. Went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time it seemed. We gathered a huge amount of gifts for Bryan's House. This organization is basically a safe house for children living with HIV/AIDS or the children of parents living with HIV/AIDS. Every age from newborns to pre-teens. Many children live at the house and others are there as a daycare. Many children were dropped off by their parents due to a stigma attached to HIV/AIDS and didn't want them anymore. Breaks my heart every year I walk into that place. I think it's an organization that gets overlooked each year, so we try to do a little something for them.
Today I have my usual ritual of going out by myself, grabbing some lunch, heading to a coffee shop to relax and read a book, head on over to Tower Records to listen to music and possibly buy a CD, do a little shopping and then head home before retiring for the evening watching TV. I enjoy having a little Mark time each week by myself. A nice way to wind things down. Yesterday we tried to do a little last minute Christmas shopping and after dealing with that crowd, I'm not sure how much of that I want to attempt today.
It's hard to stay jolly and filled with Christmas Cheer when I shop.
Because you know it's ALWAYS about me.....
Before I start, just a little FYI. If anyone leaves a comment that is completely anonymous, therefore not giving me the ability to ream you a new asshole or to publicly humiliate you, your comment WILL be deleted by yours truly. Hell, if I still don't like your comment and it isn't anonymous, I might delete it anyway. So sayeth the Gospel of Zeitzeuge.
Now back to the important things. Me! Me! and of course, Me!
1. While bowling with a group of friends when I was 16, someone ordered something called Lamb Fries. Being the naive little midwestern boy that I was, I gave them a try without blinking. They were soooo tasty! I scarffed down the entire plate. Then I was told that they were lambs testicles. Luckily the bathroom was only 20 feet away. Lambs testicles coming out are not as tasty going in. That really doesn't sound right.....
2. I got to meet a few "stars" when I worked at a restaurant called Teller's in Lawrence Kansas while going to school. I met Stevie Nicks, Cheryl Ladd, Glenn Close, Brooke Shields, Martin Sheen, Adam Sandler and the speed metal band Ministry. I've never been one to become star struck. Although I did become all google-eyed when I met Brooke and waited on her table. I'm sure this is nothing compared to all you NYC people. In the midwest, you take what you can get.
3. On a similar note, I also met William Burroughs. I dated one of his personal assistants while in Lawrence, so I got to talk and have dinner with him on a few occasions. The man was a complete nut.
4. While in college, I was walking through the music department and got stopped by my piano teachers wife. She asked if I could sing. I said sure. She proceeds to tell me that she signed me up for choir auditions and I have 5 minutes to prepare. I replied with a very polite, Hell No! But she convinced me I would get a small scholarship if I made it. Somehow I did make it and was asked if I would take voice lessons also for an additional small scholarship. So for the next four years I added this to my weekly schedule. After all that, I'm still not a great singer. Although, when I'm in the car by myself I kick ass.
5. While as an undergrad in the school of art and design, I was asked to be a court room artist for a murder trial. I sat there drawing the accused, the wife of the deceased, jury, judge and attorneys over the course of 4 days. Listening to the trial and having the chance to talk to some of these people was an incredible experience. Not a bad job for $100 an hour I charged. Sucks they allow cameras in the courtroom now. I could do that job everyday for the rest of my life. It cracked me up though when the man accused of murder wanted me to draw him from the left side only. Seems that was his better side.
I went down to Moby's last night to have a few cocktails with friends. I'm sure you all know how a few turns in to an ungodly amount. Last night was no exception. While chatting with the bartender, this man and women come in the door, order a couple drinks, starts to walk pass me and then recognizes me. He plants a big ol' kiss on me and so does the woman. For the life of me, I couldn't remember who in the hell these people are. Then T. reminded me.
Quite a few months back, I met them on the upstairs back patio at Moby's. The guy was very flirtatious and eventually got a little handsy. At that time, I thought the woman was a sister or best friend. She looks like a dead ringer for Linda Hamilton. At one point, he went to the restroom. The woman leans over and says, "My husband really finds you attractive. You should go home with us so we all can have some fun". She continues to tell me specifically all the "fun" things we would be doing.
*blank stare*
I tell them that I'm highly flattered and she was very sweet, but I thought I would pass on this opportunity. She tells me her husband use to be in the gay lifestyle, but wanted to settle down eventually and decided to do it with a woman but she allows him to play.
*blank stare*
After I turned them down, they turned around and tried it on my best friend T. It seems they were on a mission that night. Luckily, last night they were hitting on some very young cute boys. Don't get me wrong, I won't judge anyone on what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom. I just don't have to be involved.
Last night I finished reading The DaVinci Code. I do have to say it's one of the most amazing books I've read in a while. When they say it's a book you can't put down, you literally can't.
Last week I also finished Blood Canticle by Anne Rice. I'm a huge Ann Rice fan, so it's very difficult for me to critique her. It's a good book which ties up all the loose ends from her Vampire and Witch Chronicles combined. But you could tell she just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible to move into the new direction she's taking. She didn't write it for herself, she wrote it strictly for her fans.
I need to pick up the new book by Gregory Maguire called Mirror, Mirror. I loved Wicked and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.
I know I'm going to finish this book within my usual weeks time. I don't like reading a book in 1-2 days. I like to at least savor a book over 1 to 2 weeks. I have nothing else sitting in the wings waiting to read after that.
Do any of you have any suggestions for some good reading? If it's a book that doesn't capture your attention within the first couple chapters, I'm warning you now, I loose interest. It must be my Adult A.D.D.
On a side note:
Yesterdays story about Santa=Satan, reminded me of another quick story during that same period. I should have told this story at Halloween. Back in the 70's, when my Pentecostal Church was going through this "stage" of it's existence where they were telling children Santa is Satan, was also during the time where they were telling children that Halloween was of the Devil also. It seemed you could find the Devil in anything back in those days. I think I found the Devil in my Underoos once. Only a handful of people out of our entire 700 strong congregation really felt this way on these subjects. But people are like sheep sometimes, and do nothing but follow. One year they deemed Halloween as Evil and promoting the worship of the Devil. So our annual Halloween Bash, hayride, haunted house and costume party was changed to "Dress up as your favorite Bible character" party. Do you realize that if you came dressed as one of the 12 Apostles, you couldn't tell one from another? Even Jesus looked like everyone else. The same went for the women. I told my mother that I wanted to dress up as the Devil or possibly go as Adam. She thought it was the funniest idea and a great way to get back at this people and their "christian" ideas. (she thought the views of these select few were idiotic)
But rather then cause waves, she just made me a whale costume. I was constantly upchucking a G.I. Joe doll out of my mouth all night long. Hey, at least I wasn't walking around in a sheet, sandals and a fake beard all night long.
They all looked like the teen version of a college toga party, minus the beer.
While my roommate and I were digging through the half price bins of Christmas decorations last night at Garden Ridge (yes, I agreed to decorate someone's house for the holidays), I was daydreaming about funny things that have happened during the holidays with my crazy ass family.
1. My brothers and cousins decided to go hunting on Christmas Eve Eve, so we can eat like our forefathers. Deer, Elk, Pheasant, Duck, Possum, Gopher, etc. I'm kidding about the Gopher and Possum. I'm not THAT country. While sitting in 20 degree weather and a foot of snow, we wait for our chance to kill Bambi. Eventually I get mine. They help me take aim. I shoot. The gun kicks back so hard that it hits me in the face and breaking my nose. I look up through blood stained tears and see that I've actually shot and killed Bambi much to my surprise and horror. I cried so much I was taken home. Needless to say, I ate store bought turkey that year and never ate any wild game ever again. This happened when I was 14. My brothers bring up the story.....every.....single......year.
2. My brothers are what you would call....very gassy folk. When one brother starts then the other has to out do his sibling. Eventually uncles, nephews and cousins get in on the competition. I need to tell everyone, that during such festivities, I'm usually hanging out with the women in the kitchen. Two years ago, now with the addition of my niece's husbands and boyfriends around of "whose fart is worse" starts in. It got so bad, the women and I (notice I'm not participating again) were running upstairs and out the front door while a few brave souls stayed to open all the windows in the house. Anyone want to come over for Christmas Dinner? Yeah, its all fun an games people until someone shits their pants!!
3. We were all raised to believe that Santa wasn't real. My parents never led us to believe in him, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy or The Great Pumpkin. One year a while back, my brothers and sister decided to have Santa arrive at our front door (we didn't have a fireplace), greet the children and hand out gifts. My brother's best friend volunteered for the job. Santa parks his car (sleigh was in the shop), comes up the steps and knocks on the door. My little nephew opens the door, takes one look and literally runs away screaming with his hands in the air. This causes a domino effect with the rest of the young kids. These poor children were screaming, pulling hair and clothing trying to get out of the grasp of their parents and hide for safety. Come to find out, a couple Sunday School teachers at my church were telling children that the letters in Santa also spell SATAN and that Santa was of the devil.
Ho! Ho! What the hell?
Last night I sat and watched the first part of Angels in America on HBO with two of my close friends. If any of you did not catch it last night, please try and watch a repeat airing of it during the week or see if a friend has a copy to watch. The 2nd half will be shown next Sunday the 14th at 7pm. It's one of the most phenomenal movies I have seen. I wish I would have seen the play. I'm still kicking myself in the ass for passing that up.
I remember after I found out I was positive, the doctor gave me the normal, "You probably have a couple years to live" speech, puts you on a regimen of an ungodly amount of AZT a day and sends you on your way. I remember the movies that were coming out around that time and the following years. Philadelphia, And The Band Played On, Love! Valour! Compassion!, and It's My Party just to name a few. I couldn't get through one of these movies without turning into a blubbering idiot. It got to the point where I would refuse to watch a movie relating to AIDS.
Last night while watching Angels, I laughed, I got angry, I felt lucky, I was depressed. A host of rollercoaster emotions that the film puts you through, yet I did not cry once throughout the entire 3 hour episode. If I had seen this 8-10 years ago, I'm sure I would have helped raise the stock value in Kleenex. For a moment, I felt as if there was something wrong with me. Have I lost all compassion? Was I not concerned anymore? Did I not care?
It took a while, but I realized that I didn't cry because I'm not terrified anymore. I'm not scared everytime I get a cold or a small cough. We've come so far.
I'm glad this movie adaptation came out when it did. During a time where many peoples attitude toward HIV and AIDS has become so complacent.
The new generation needs to be reminded again of what it was like.
Maybe this will light a fire under their (our) ass.
Just thought I'd share with you our Tree and Mantle we finished this weekend.
After hearing stories from my mother, I found out I was a very sickly child growing up. I was in the hospital seven times before I was 6 years old for Bronchitis. Back then it was given the funny name of "the croup". My mother is the only one I've ever heard use that term.
She told me stories of being in the hospital under an oxygen tent. She would sit there and try to smooth out the plastic so I could see the TV clearly. I couldn't sleep lying down. My lungs would fill up so I had to sleep propped up with pillows. Hospital food was so bad back then, so she would sneak up food for me. She would spend 24 hours a day there until I was well.
As I got older, I remember memories of waking up coughing. I would hear my mother run and get the card table and blanket and my sister would run and get the vaporizer. They would set up a makeshift tent on my bed and aim the vaporizer straight into the little fort they had built for me. I would be given numerous over the counter medications in hopes of keeping me from having to have another weeks stay in the hospital. It usually worked. I remember lying in a tent at least once a year until I was 16 years old.
Mother would buy me toys, drawing books, pencils or just about anything I requested. I was waited on hand and foot. I was spoiled rotten.
I just hung up with my mother a little while ago. She could hear that I sounded like a croaking frog. She's all worried now. She asked me if I had a card table and vaporizer and plenty of medication. I think I'll skip the tent and stick with really good drugs. I'll be getting phone calls about every 6 hours asking me how I am now. My mother lives back in Nebraska. That's a 9 hour drive from here. She was actually sitting there thinking of ways to come down and take care of me. In her mind I'm still that sickly little kid.
I'm still her baby and always will be.
I've had some coffee, a little lunch, followed by a nice dose of cold medication. I'm what you would call.......floofy. Kind of that buzzed feeling you get after 5 beers and a couple shots. I just have the "don't cares" right now.
This is nice.
My nose that is. Sorry to be gross, but how is it humanly possible for my nose to produce this much snot? I'm going to whine for a moment. My throat is sore, my head is stuffy and my nose is running. I'm starting to be covered in cold sores and I'm grumpy as hell. Not to mention that I walked out of the house and forgot to put on a belt. I feel naked.
I think the poor girl who came in my cube, to talk to the girl in the NEXT cube over, cried when I lectured her for how rude that is and that all she has to do is walk another 10 feet AROUND and go talk to her friend in HER cube. Mind you, our cubes are the size of a postage stamp. I can't even maneuver my chair around when someone's in it. Then the girl in another cube next to me is spraying her "can of air" and getting rid of all the dust on her desk. Where in the hell do think that dust goes? Ugh.....she just sprayed it AGAIN! How much dust could there be?
Plus, this day is full of meetings, system development and testing over at corporate.
I really shouldn't be around people today. Not because I feel like doggy doo doo, but because I'm afraid for their lives.
Ah, dammit to hell! She's spraying the dust around again! I'm stealing her can of air when she leaves her desk.
I really shouldn't blog when I'm grumpy.....
Drive all the way over there and they tell me, "Oops! I forgot about the meeting. Can you come back around 2pm?" Dumbass.
Before I headed all the way back to my office, I stopped by Starbucks for a Grande Chai Tea Latte. While I'm standing there, I hear "Hey, Whore!" Why I had the instinct to turn around and see if it was me they were calling, I have no clue. I'm not that kind of boy. (Shut up ya'll!) Someone that's been trying to get in my pants for a couple years, who now lives in Savannah, is in town visiting. We always run into each other numerous times when he's here. He walks over and plants a big ol' kiss on me. Longer then the usual peck on the lips greeting. He stuck his tongue down my throat and tickled my tonsils. I was a little taken back. He tells me while winking to call him so we can "get together". What he needs to do, is to take me to dinner and a movie. Then we can talk about putting out. We've played through this senario numerous times. Although I was a little embarrassed by being called WHORE very loudly in front of a very full, mostlly gay Starbucks, I guess I probably looked like one, huh? I did get quite a lot of looks when I left. I should have just bitch-slapped him.
Anyhoo, we started putting up our 6 boxes of decorations last night. We have two trees finished and have the 3rd one up and ready to go. No comments! Two of the trees are smaller 4 foot trees. Garland on the fireplace, candied fruit and berries, wreaths, bows and lights strung on anything that doesn't move.
You walk in and it looks like someone threw up Christmas.
I might not be able to come back and blog today. I know. Ya'll are heartbroken. I'm heading to the Doctor for my lipids test then straight to our Corporate Office to sit in a meeting with our Legal Department for three hours. Is it tacky to bring a book to read? Then back to my office to try to play catch up all afternoon.
Please carry on. Lots of hugs and kisses.
I was conversing with mother yesterday. She was setting me up an eye appointment with my optometrist back home. I was telling her about what I had accomplished this past weekend. She reminded me that she had picked up the exchange gift for me already. She wanted to be helpful.
Our family spends $20-30 on a gift for man or woman. You pick a number and hopefully you get the highest number in the group. Whoever pulls number one, picks a gift and opens it. Number two, either takes number ones gift, or opens up a new gift. Number three.....well you get the picture. You want to be the last person, so you can take any gift you like. There's about 30 of us and this little game will waste at least 2 hours. Plus a lot of laughing, yelling, screaming and men throwing a lot of testosterone around the room. All in good fun. My family is pretty competitive.
My mother tells me that she picked me up a small hand held vacuum in the shape of a jersey cow. The suction area is obviously the cow's mouth. The box states, "Looks like a cow, but works like a bull". Its the gayest gift EVER. I'm suppose to show up with this gift and have my testosterone spewing brothers laughing their asses off? I think not. I'm trying to figure out a way to tell her that I know someone who would LOVE this gift. Wouldn't you MAK?! He's the first person I thought of when she mentioned it.
One year I showed up with candles. All the women went nuts. Next year I showed up with picture frames. Women went crazy again. My brothers just sat there laughing and shaking their heads.
Maybe I should buy a tool set this year.
Saturday and part of Sunday was spent running around Christmas shopping. I'm one of those nuts that doesn't usually start until the day after Thanksgiving. After hearing news of people actually being trampled at Walmart trying to grab a $29.99 DVD player, I really should rethink my strategy.
Let's get through one holiday before we start working on another.
I remember when I was a youngin, putting on our overcoats, stocking caps and scarves and heading downtown to shop. It was of course snowing by this time of year. It was a bitter, biting your ass, 20 degrees. Men were out hanging the lights and Christmas decorations. Salvation Army bell ringers were driving you crazy on every corner. (No hate mail. They do a great service, but that bell ringing drives me nuts) A local farmer gave sleigh rides up and down Main Street. There were even carolers from the local colleges singing everywhere.
Eventually, we all headed down to the Cozy Corner Cafe (yes, it's a real place) and have waffles and hot chocolate to warm up before heading back out. You see, we didn't have a shopping mall back home until I was 16 years old. All of this was one of the few reasons growing up in a small town was worth it.
My weekend shopping experience? Wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, I headed to Pei Wei for lunch. I sat on the patio reading The DaVinci Code before heading to the Mall. It was a beautiful 75 degrees and sunny. I heard news reports of the woman being trampled, wrecks on every major highway and fights at local stores breaking out on the radio. You could just smell the Christmas Spirit in the air. Take a big whiff girls, Christmas is the POO!
I guess all that's next to do, is to hang Christmas lights on the house and start putting up the 7 boxes of decorations I have stored away in the closet. I also need to start planning our annual Christmas Cocktail Party.
As you can see I'm just not into the Holiday Spirit yet. Once I arrive at home to see the family, all my childhood memories of what Christmas is suppose to be like will all come flooding back. Maybe its just a Dallas thing. This city has to be the most sterile environment to celebrate Christmas.
Maybe if I just meet a hot muscular man dressed up in nothing but a Santa hat, red leather shorts and black leather boots, then I'll get in the spirit of things.
Hey, I've been a good boy all year!
